Armchair Anthropologist: A Worthless Subject
 
Author: Citizen Ted
Email: hamster@omit.nas.com
Date: 1998/09/09
Forums: alt.tasteless 
  
        In the course of scientific discovery, it is incumbent upon the
practitioner to balance wide-ranging data with a carefully discerning
eye. One must consider the cost of time/money invested in a search for
evidence vs. the necessity of accumulating enough data to satisfy the
falsifiability of one's hypothesis.

        Thus, a scientist does not move forward and survive the rigors of peer
review by rushing to a quick conclusion. Usually, he must be willing
to answer all contrary claims with a great firewall of supporting
data.

        Yet, there are times when a subject's disposition is so self-evident,
one need only verify a few contrary possibilities and a solid
conclusion can be safely proclaimed.

        Such is the case with Bat!Girl (batgirl@gotham.city.com), a pestilent
little teenager with neither a Clue nor a Desire to gain one. 
        She is a textbook case of the standard "Enfánt Terriblé". Whereas even
her high school cohorts have gone on to begin emotional maturation,
she has been left behind as a discarded misfit with no discernable
talents or distinction.

        It is the concensus of the staff here at ArmAnthro that the subject is
indeed a teen female who only recently gained access to the Internet.
The staff here were so bored by her every post, they opted to forego
direct quotes in order to employ some brevity and lend credence to our
conclusions above:

        "The subject responds with childish cynicism in every post, indicating
an inability or unwillingness to comprehend the subjects of the
threads she invades. She engages in miscapitalization in some oafish
salute to what she thinks the medium is all about. (One cannot discard
the influence of MTV chat videos and high school vernacular).
        
        "The subject portends to be reactionary, when in fact her transparent
pose is so opaque to the staff as to be laughable. This juvenile
behavior is wide-spread in both primate and human populations, but
only when the behavior is noted and quantified can it be regarded as
being so annoying and unintelligent."

        We feel the subject is unworthy of further scrutiny, despite the
brevity of the data collection process. We include the following
single quote as evidence, along with the tell-tale ticker-tape of
groups posted:
        
>In <35f301a8.0@oasis.idirect.com>, batgirl@gotham.city.com wrote:
         
>tHe foRmat of WhIcH i poSt is prOper. iF yOu dOn't liKe the wAy i tyPe thAts
>yOur fUckiNg prObLEM.  

And now, the groups to which she posts:

209 alt.teens 
24 alt.tv.days-of-our-lives 
8 alt.fan.kate-winslet 
5 alt.tasteless 
3 alt.politics.white-power 
1 alt.gothic.music 
1 alt.parents-teens 
1 soc.culture.usa 

        Few comments could make the case clearer. But I'll try anyway:

        Bat!Girl is, by any measure, a nauseating little teenage twit whose
ability to socialize and grasp simple concepts places her somewhere in
the orangutan family (pongo pygmaeus) of primates. Whereas chimps and
gorillas can make lasting social contracts and maintain an ability to
foster reciprocal relationships via communicative adeptness, the
subject shows none such talents or tendencies and seems to behave more
along the less-evolved line of solitary apes and their proto-simian
ancestors.

        This failure to ingratiate oneself through stupidity and oafish
self-aggrandizement is embarrassing for the subject and nauseating to
the staff.
        
        We see no reason for any quarter to be given the subject on her
head-long leap out of the gene pool.

        As ever,

        - TR
        - chief investigator, Armchair Anthropologist.