Re: beach vacation tastelessness
 
Author: Wes Payne
Email: n9548326@wwu.cc.edu
Date: 1998/09/08
Forums: alt.tasteless 


ObT:  I finally got revenge on my cat for pissing in my bed while I was in
it, but not in a way that I'd planned or intended.  He was so happy to see
me after I'd been gone for a mere sixteen hours that he decided to jump up
on the washing machine as I was taking a leak in order to cadge a scratch
behind the ears or somesuch.

What he failed to take into account, as I was draining my main vein, was
that the designated receptacle, the toilet, was next to the washing
machine.  In his goofy delight, he jumped in front of me. from next to my
right foot to the top of the washing machine at my left elbow.  In between,
he hit my piss stream.

Seemingly heedless of the fact that I'd just drawn a neat line from his
right ear, across his skull and down his back, and finishing halfway down
his left hindquarter, he meowed and whined at me for a few seconds and then
gazed out the window when he realized that I wasn't going to pet him right
away.  Of course, any astute student of cat psychology would know that he
was, indeed, acutely aware of the fact that he'd just given himself a bath
in somebody else's piss, but would sooner pass himself through a mulcher
than let on that he knew that he'd just committed a fuckup of colossal
magnitude (at least by cat reckoning).

Even I recognize that the fact that I was able to contain the remainder of
my piss to the water in the bowl during the near-spastic laughing fit that
followed is an eloquent comment the near-superhuman degree of self-control
I am occasionally capable of.  I even managed to zip up between heaves
without catching my mating tackle on the zipper.

Once I managed to stand straight enough, I toweled off his Line of Piss,
much to his (and his ego's) relief, I'm sure.  If anyone was curious as to
why I hadn't already killed him for the fur hat and three tacos that his
body would yield, now they know.