Re: Dog Wins Cat of Year Award

Rat & Swan wrote:
> 
> Wes Payne wrote:
> 
> > Oh, come on!  A cat with a cleft palate sucking its nourishment through a
> > straw?  That's at least bizarre...
> >
> 
> My thoughts exactly!  I wonder how it nursed as a kitten... And how it
> sounds when it miaows!
> 
> Just think of it, dribbling Little FriskyMash out it's eyesockets
> whenever it eats!
> 
> "Meowpthhh, meofphthhh!"
> 
> Good for a laugh! And consider this... Cats clean themselves by
> licking.  Yeah, they bathe in catspit. Dizguzting, but why tasteless?
> Well, a cat's tongue has little barbs on it, like the KittyChoad and,
> like the KC, they point backwards!  Anybody see where we're going with
> this?  Let's not see all the same hands...
> 
> Yes, HAIRBALLS!   The reason cats get hairballs is that with the
> backward pointing tongue French Ticklers, the hair cannot be spat out
> and it ends up in Kitty's stomach... unnnnnlessssss... kitty has a cleft
> palate...!  Imagine, if you will, that the owner of this intriguing
> little feline is happily congratulating himself on feeding his little
> KitTard, certain that Pussums is getting on very well, indeed.  He
> notices a certain... "sluggishness" about Kitty, but doesn't pay it much
> mind.  The cat has its off days, just like people.   Meanwhile, inside
> the cat's skull, behind the eyeballs, is a growing pad of felt/fur.
> With every lick, the cat ingest more and more hairs, compacting them
> into a doughy wad behind its eyes.  The eyes start to protrude and
> pressure on the brain increases... stronger... every day stronger...
> 
> Finally, crazed with pain and demented from the constant pressure, the
> cat goes nuts!  with its eyes hanging from their stalks, finally popped
> out of the sockets, and gummy catfur oozing from its ears, the cat goes
> insane, leaping violently at its master's throat during a routine
> feeding! "RRRROOOOWWWWWRRRRRRPPPTTTHHHHHHHH!" screams Kitty as her
> vicious hooked claws fine their mark in kindMaster's jugular.  Blood
> sprays the blind, insane cat as human and feline engage in a hideous
> dance of death!  the man, desperate to survive, locks his hands about
> Kitty's trachea, squeezing, as the cat bits viciously through his
> thumbs, its eyes dampening his fingers!  CatFeltFur spurts from the head
> as the man bleeds out from his gashed throat and the police find them,
> days later, forever embraced in death!
> 
> Works for me!
> 
> Swan
> 
> Psi corpsE
> 
> Miaowppttthhhh!