Dentists - was Re: She Ate The WHOLE Thing Too! 
 
Author: Duke Henry Plantagenet
Email: _no.spam_@_thank.you_
Date: 1998/10/27
Forums: alt.tasteless 

Alraune wrote in message <70rt16$h0m@dfw-ixnews5.ix.netcom.com>...
>In <36310dc5.1885401@news.ihug.co.nz (LINCARD 1000) writes:
>>So why do people have their wisdom teeth removed? Got two comming
>><snip> Visits to the dentist are just about at the top of my list of
horrors
>>.. have you seen the size of those fucking needles they jam into your
gums?
>causing any of my teeth to shift, I stopped using that dentist. It's
>been eight years, and I still haven't found a new one.
>And after seeing the Roger Corman film 'The Dentist', I may never see
>one again.

Time to give out some sleepless nights, I think.

Before my business took off and became the popular if not profitable success
that it is today - I to had to put in the 9-5 to earn a meagre crust just
like the rest of you poor saps.  For a while, after leaving college, I
worked in a Dental Supplies Warehouse, which sold everything a dentist could
desire.  Everything from the smallest drill bit which the sod drives through
your tooth and straight into the nerve root, upto the chair which you step
gingerly into and are then promptly hurled back at an angle which causes the
mucus and bile in your throat out run up the windpipe and choke you.  The
name of this company will be withheld, even though it eventually got the end
it so richly deserved.

I worked in the Order picking and packing in the warehouse, along with a
character called Dean. This chap isn't going to benefit from my usually
offered cloak of anonymity, because he isn't going to be reading this, none
of his family will be reading this, and neither will anyone even remotely
associated with his genetic code.  He was likeable in his own way but the
average plank of two by four has deep thoughts and quite extensive powers of
reasoning when placed as a direct comparison to Dean.  He was not a Tard.
It was just that when, after a period of furrowed concentration, a look of
surprised triumph appeared on his face and you would know immediately that
the concept had dawned on him, that a one item when placed with another
identical item could be said to have the value of two such items.

Basically, it was a fucking miracle any order he packed on his own was
remotely correct.

The needles Lincard was referring to, were standard stock for this company.
Some might recall my admission that these things are my line in the sand,
and the chill that hit me when I saw them on the packing list meant I had to
contrive every manner of shuffling papers to make sure Dean got to pick the
orders from the big dental labs which would entail picking hundreds of packs
of the horrid things.  Dean discovered my weakness one day when he saw me
slumped against the racking wiping the perspiration from my face having
tried (and failed) to bring myself to pick a pack of taper needles out of a
tray in which a pack had split open and left it's contents glinting evilly
in the florescent light at me.  The bastard promptly picked out a loose
needle, pinched up a piece of skin in his finger, hooked the needle though
the skin and waved it in my face.  At which point my knees buckled.  Dean
was at heart a decent chap and was most suitably apologetic as he helped me
up off the floor and into a chair, where I sat somewhat shaken.  He even
offered to pick the needle orders himself from there on.  Heart of solid
gold, that chap, and a brain of solid cement.

One of the products, dentists offer is plaque tablets. These, when dissolved
in the mouth, react with the slimy muck that coats your teeth and turn it
purple in colour - the idea being is that you can see when every last bit of
plaque is removed or alternatively freak everyone out at parties every time
you open your mouth.  They have a fairly unpleasant taste to them.  Dean
loved them however and would happily help himself to a dozen or so out of
the plastic jars of them on the racking.  His assumption being that no-one
was actually going to count how many there were in a half empty jar...

A cheap fag hanging out of an cheery smile made up of bright purple teeth is
how I will always remember Dean.

Anaesthetic, as the medical types round here has a given shelf life for some
of it's active ingredients.  After it goes out of date, it is not to be used
and must be destroyed.  In theory.  One of the senior management had a nice
side line to his older customers with which he had established a closer more
trusting relationship.  That is, one of "If You don't tell - I won't tell."
The benefit of this was that dentists were able to buy expensive anaesthetic
at a very cheap price, provided that it was used up promptly and that the
packaging was disposed of out of sight of Clients & Dental Assistants.  This
went very smoothly until one batch turned rancid.  The phone lines burst
with dentists with tales of woe. The "jab" left the patients with the puffy,
numb feeling which you get, but did not "isolate" the nerve ends underneath,
the result being the patient sat unsuspectingly in the chair while the
dentist commenced drilling then when the nerve surface was hit, suddenly the
anaesthetic "failed" and the patient leapt out the chair in agony.

Some lovely stories of suddenly jerked heads getting drill bits in gums, and
through cheeks, scapels slicing into lips, stitches, malpractice suits  -
good week that was...

Cheers!
His Grace,  Duke Henry Plantagenet
"Call to Arms" - The Historical Re-enactment Directory
the.duke at calltoarms dot com