Eye-boogers Deluxe 
 
Author: Bit Decay
Email: Bit.Decay@bigfoot.com
Date: 1998/10/28
Forums: alt.tasteless 

I once made the mistake of thinking that I could make do by
protein-cleaning my contact lenses every three weeks or so.  After
failing to dunk the lenses in enzymatic cleaner for two consecutive
weeks, I was left with one nasty, encrusted pair of lenses.  I had done
this before without incident, but this time, my immune system was busy
fighting off a nasty cold and wasn't able to stop what happened next.

The trouble started two days after the second missed cleaning.  I awoke
to the sensation of grit lodged in my left eye.  Washing the eye and
power-cleaning the lens didn't help much.  As the morning progressed,
the eye started to burn and itch.  The sensation of having something
stuck under the lens increased to the point at which it felt as if a
small swarm of gnats had taken up residence and was crawling around
betwen the lens and the cornea.  The eye also became extremely sensitive
to light so that regular daylight provoked a deep throbbing ache at the
rear of the eyeball.  At this point, I realized something unusual was
happening and drove off to see my optometrist.  By the time I reached
his office, a creamy white substance had begun to ooze from beneath the
lower lid.

He took a good look at the offended eye and informed me that I had viral
conjunctivitis.  He gave me a prescription for some zinc eyedrops, told
me to give my eyes a few days' rest, and shooed me out of his
examination room.

By the time I returned to the office, the pus production was at full
steam.  I had to wipe a goodly amount (say, 2-3 drops) of the
yellow-white odorless goo out of my eye every  hour just so I could see
without the crap splaying itself across my left pupil.  I spent the next
three days at home.... doctor's orders!

When I awoke the next morning, I was alarmed to discover that I could
not open my left eye.  The lids were sealed by a rubbery white substance
covered with dry specks of the same stuff.  I staggered into the
bathroom and dashed some warm water on the vile stuff.  After a few
soakings, the crud loosened sufficiently to let me pry my eyelids
apart.  As this seal broke, a few drops of salty straw-colored fluid
came from the other side and ran across my lips.  Ten minutes later, I
had cleaned the eye enough that I could get on with my morning.

Throughout the day, I continued to remove the pus forming under my lower
eyelid.  Squeezing the lid from its sides produced a pouch to hold the
white nastiness;  stroking upwards on the cup pushed the yellow-white
gack onto the waiting tissue.  The stuff began to develop an odor on the
second day, though I'm hard-pressed to describe it.  It was a sort of
musty, mushroomy odor... almost a putrid odor, but not strong enough to
really deserve such a label.

This went on for a couple of days and eventually involved the right eye
as well.  Although there was burning and itching in both eyes, these
sensations never got very strong.  On the other hand, the unpleasant
feeling of having something in my eyes persisted throughout the
infection, even though the only stuff under the eyelids was soft.

Each night, as I tried to fall asleep, I was able to monitor the
formation of the eyelid seal.  After a half hour or so, the initial seal
formed and held back a small amount of the straw-colored fluid... almost
as if my eye were making some cheese: the seal was like curds and the
dammed fluid like whey.

The infection started to wane on the fourth morning:  I woke without any
eyelid-seals, but with some pus still collected under the eyelids.  By
that evening, everything was almost back to normal.   I suffered no
permanent ill effects from the infection, though the pus kept oozing out
for a week or so after the bulk of the infection had left.  The lesson
was well-taken:  I haven't missed a protein cleaning since that day.