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                    BASTARDS WHO FUCKED OVER ME
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5    Freddy's cousin Frederick with the Dick of Death.

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I really had a problem with picking up on how much talk there was
about me in my neighborhood, and how far my fame had spread as
one who was willing, nay _expert_ at relieving adolescent
tensions.  Freddy, with whom I was then heavily involved, had a
cousin whose family moved into our tract.  The cousin was a tall,
lanky 14-year old redhead.  Freddy, for some reason, needed to
tell someone what he was doing and to whom.

I never bestowed much in the way of favors and talents upon
Cousin Frederick.  Freddy brought him over to my place one
Saturday afternoon and said they had something to show me.
Freddy turned his eyes toward our outbuilding to indicate we
should go there.  Once out in my den, Freddy told Frederick,
Well, show Paul what you've got.  Frederick got a sly grin on and
turned even redder, if such a thing were possible.  He commenced
unzipping his pants.  He reached in, dug around, and flopped out
the biggest penis I ever hope to see.

I am not one to believe dicksize statistics.  To hear them tell
it, every boy of the evening who advertises in a gay newspaper or
on the internet has eight or more inches.  And all this length is
matched by an impressive circumference.  I think most of this
penile measurement nonsense is just that.

I further proclaim that when you step into the gay district of
any large city, standard weights and measures change.  For
example, the U.S. Inch is longer than the Gay Inch.  The Gay Inch
is .75 U.S. Inch.  Therefore eight inches of cock in G.I. comes
out to six inches, U.S.  I declare that Frederick hauled out over
ten inches of love muscle, G.I.  I know it was eight U.S. inches
because I had a pack of typing paper handy and it was almost as
long as the paper was wide.

Another quick test for the nocturnal merchandise you are
interviewing:  Is his most saleable asset as long as a dollar
bill?  Guess how many inches that is.  It is six and a quarter.
How many people do _you_ know who can measure over the top of
their pipe organ and come up with more than that?  Going under
and around balls and into asshole is not permitted.  Play fair!

So here is Cousin Frederick showing me a half-hard whoreflute
eight inches long with the diameter of a silver dollar.  Freddy
said, Frederick wants to try you out.  I said, If I sit on that
it will bust me wide open.  I looked at it and felt it and got
about three inches of it into my face.  I just wanted to see
what, if anything, I could do with it.  I nearly dislocated my
jaw trying to blow that boy.  I told Freddy later not to pimp me.
His cousin was more than I could handle and I knew it.  Besides,
I really liked Freddy.  So long as he was around I didn't want
anybody else.