TRIALS AT ST TIMMY'S 44 ================================================================= THE TRIALS AT ST TIMMY'S -- The Continued Saga of Paul Ess's Rehabilitation ================================================================= Welcome to episode 44 of the Trials. I spent some time this evening in Miss Ralph's office helping her shred some patient records dating from 1984. When I wondered into his lair, the first thing he put in my hand was a 5x7 color photo of an ample naked woman displaying a quite nice gapped-open pussy (if you go for that sort of thing) and a large asshole which appears also to have been to the well a number of times. Miss Ralph told about the time he was a CNA in this place and met up with a certain Mrs Chin, the possessor of astoundingly deplorable personal habits. She would hike down her Chairman Maos, crap into her hand, and throw it out of the room. She would then clean off her hand on the doorpost. Miss Ralph went to get a clean towel from the linen cart one day and put his hand right into a huge snot goober Mrs Yee horked up. Not wishing to waste perfectly good towels, she had put it back on the cart. As we went through the files removing metal objects such as paper clips, we came upon the ocassional set of instant photos. I have here four views of a particularly nasty bedsore or external presentment of a cancer. The skin of this unfortunate beast is plum-colored over a 5x15cm area. There is a weeping sore about the size of a hen's egg in the center. I addition to this disgusting sight, I have a splendid photo of the ass end of an old salt. He went on liberty with his buddies once when very young and was taken to a tattoo parlor in an exceedingly inebriated state. He emerged unbeknowst with the most darling cherub face on each butt cheek. We are treated in the photo to a full moon view of this art work -- and his skanky- looking crack. These five pictures (more if I can obtain them and the quality stays up) will become the centerpiece of my TSS gift this year. You all had better be nice to me. I am going to try to nick a few knacks such as a feeding syringe with its storage housing. I'm sure the recipient will find some sexual way to use it. The housing alone ought to make an interesting dildo. Miss Ralph also told about Old Bailey who had the disgusting habit of picking up cigarette butts and dropping them into his large economy size urinal pitcher. At lunch and dinner he would dip his bread in the pee/buttjuice mixture for extra flavor. One day he got, if you'll pardon the expression, pissed at nurseypoo and flung the contents all over her. She shrieked. She reeked. She hit the shower room and peeled off every stitch. They took all her clothes to the laundry and kept her in the staff room wrapped in a sheet and a light HappyJuice[tm] fog until the clothes were finished and she quit freaking. Aunt Edna was good for pointing at strangers and screaming accusations such as YOU ARE THE DEVIL! -- GET AWAY FROM ME! One day she was wandering the corridors scouting demons and approached the nurse's station. She squatted, grunted, and reached under her wash dress and produced simply the largest grogan anyone had ever seen. Edna was ecstatically proud of her creation. The charge nurse nearly puked. Auntie then took this work of art to the water fountain and mashed it into the catch tray. Even though Danny, the maintenance man, took the whole thing apart and cleaned all the bits with phenolic disinfectant, no one who was around at the time has since slaked thirst at this fountain. Miss Ralph says every time he passes the fountain, all he can see there is this great flattened, smeared turd. And now for a rant on a subject near and dear to my heart, the outrageous and criminal expense necessary to secure adequate medical gear and adaptive equipment by the injured and incomplete. I found this advice in the fountain pen collecting newsgroup offered to a newbie who is studying to be a doctor: Are drug and medical equipment sales reps already contacting you? If so, let them know that you prefer fountain pens to ballpoints and rollerballs they disperse in abundance. Maybe next time they visit you'll be accommodated. Business (and profits) must be good among the medical purveyors for them to be able to hand out nice, shiny pens to their marks. Fountain pens do not have to be super expensive, but they will cost more than ballpoints. Chances are this doctor-in-waiting will be accomodated. After all, these firms are raking it in and the insurance companies and government programs are holding still for the rape. The Nurz and I have been dickscussing diabetic and caregiving issues. She told me they do a lot of implants at Mengele Memorial where she works, a lot of dick implants in diabetics. Whaddaya think, Mr Cheez? Shall I get the John Holmes model or the Jeff Stryker? Which one can you stand? Actually, I think my dicklet is getting better. It may even stand up one of these times if the duuuuurty peeeekchures in the binaries groups continue to be impure thought-provoking. The Nurz calls my slide board my Ouija board. Heheheheheh... Beginning this coming week, I am going to set up a trek each Friday to the mall by ambivan. Whoever wants can meet me there and we'll party. It's time to get a life. The Nurz sez-- 20 years from now we don't want to be reading your posts, "NURZ!!! NURZ!!! I PEE'D THE BED. I'M COLD. I WANT A DRINK. WATER GIRL!!! WATER GIRL!!! WHERE ARE MY TEETH? SOMEBODY STOLE MY TEETH! MR. CHEEZ, MIZ KOOKY, MY PEE PEE. I HAVE TO GO KAKA!!! AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Damn, and I thought it would be phun to act like that. Seems to work for The Buzzard... In a few years when she's all wore out and dried up, you can send her a card addressed as follows-- NurzRachet Room 418, St. Prepuce Home for Wayward Sluts 1234 Whoredom Stroll East Buttfuck, New Jersey 09876 When you get to her room, you will hear her say-- "Why's it so fucking hot in here? I want some Diet Coke NOW. I can't get logged on, Ethel's on the phone. My underwire broke and it's stabbing me in the ribs. Turn on the air conditioning. When I was a nurse we didn't pull this shit!" and her favorites-- "What's going on? Where am I? Who the fuck are you?" I read this list to George and he almost peed his pants. We've been listening to Mary Mary Quite Contrary across the hall in addition to The Buzzard. It's been fucking living stereo this morning. It must be the full moon. Mary was all, Will somebody close my doorrrrr...? I falsettoed to George, Will somebody shut the fuck uuuuup...? George laughed. I went out to take a look at the newbie down the hall who got nursey top dead center with her orange juice this morning. Nothing remarkable; just another toothless old hag. I also looked in on Buzzard. When he turned his head toward he so he could see me out of his one eye, he smiled his toofless grin and winked at me (with the eyeball, not the socket side) and giggled and simplered like the old queen I suspect him of being. I told the Three Graces, Mr Cheez, Miss Kooky, and Demon that when I get out of here-- I want to fast for 24 hours and then have a great big hydraulic enema (none of these sleazy little chemical ass grenades, thank you), high, hot, and a [w]hole lot. Then, when I am still sopping wet in there, I want a nice big choad lubed with a half a tube of good old fashioned KY and shoved up there to take down ten years of cobwebs. I'm old fashioned. I think anal torpedoes and butt bombs are environmental pollution; use natural soapsuds and water and help put the pharmaceutical glomeruli out of business. (Sorry, Peter, but some modern "conveniences" are just fucking stoopid.) Mr Cheez offered-- ... a 25" double headed dildo that would not only take down the cobwebs, it'll kill the entire nest. Alla way up to your sinuses! Although I think that you will prolly need the 50 gallon drum variety of KY. What DOES "KY" stand for anywayz? Demon chimed in-- And just think, all these years I've been using Benedryl for my sinus problems. Who Knew? :) That's OK! We'll just swipe a high-pressure spray hose from the local car wash and hook it up to the industrial-strength compressor they have at St. Timmy's. _That_ should get the KY to where it'd do the most good. Demon thinks KY stands for-- Klean & Yummy? with Kare, Ya fuck? Kindered Yearnings? I'm using this so I don't Kill You? I am terribly thankful for my friends. Polite reacharounds for all. =================================================================