TRIALS OF ST TIMMY'S 45B ================================================================= THE TRIALS AT ST TIMMY'S -- The Continued Saga of Paul Ess's Rehabilitation ================================================================= Welcome to episode 45B of the Trials. This is the conclusion of the Minimum Data Set format used to assess residents in tardfarms. I've added some symbols: - Doing this or having this characteristic in the negative will get you undue and possibly uncomfortable attention or treatment * Bound to gain you the attention of a psychiatrist or invasive physical treatment *** Any of this series of characteristics down to the next change in indentation will gain you the attention of a psychiatrist or invasive physical treatment $ A service or procedure from which the facility will gain additional revenue, bigtime P I think this applies to me... P! I think this applies to me negatively Diseases Endocrine/Metabolic/Nutritional Diabetes P Thyroid Disease Circulation Heart Disease High Blood Pressure Low Blood Pressure Leg Clots/Poor Circulation Bone Disease Arthritis Hip Fracture Amputation P Osteoporosis Other Fracture Neurological Altzheimer's Disease Aphasia Cerebral Palsy Stroke Senile Dementia ["Oldtimer's Disease"] Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Para/Quadraplegia/Paralysis Parkinson's Disease Seizures/Epilepsy Traumatic Brain Injury [Getting the shit beat out of you; not wearing your seatbelt...] Psychiatric *** Anxiety Depression P Manic Depressing/Bipolar Disease Schizophrenia/Paranoia [Definitely does not apply to me; They really _are_ out to get me.] Lung Disease Asthma Emphysema Sensory Cataracts Diabetic Retinopathy/Blindness Glaucoma Macular Degeneration Other Allergies Anemia Cancer Kidney Failure Infections Antibiotic Resistant Strains P Clostridium Difficile Conjunctivitis HIV Pneumonia Respiratory Infection Septicemia Venereal Diseases Tuberculosis Urinary Tract Infection P Hepatitis Wound Infection P Problem Conditions Marked weight gain or loss Shortness of breath lying flat Dehydrated Refuses fluids Delusions Dizziness Edema P Fever Hallucinations Internal bleeding Lung aspirations Shortness of breath Fainting Unsteady gait Vomiting Pain Symptoms Frequency from none to daily [Sometimes] P Level from mild to horrible [Attention-getting] P Pain Site [Stump] P Accidents Falling Fracture Stability of Conditions Fluctuating/Precarious/Deteriorating Acute/Chronic [Chronic] P End-stage/<6mos to live Oral Problems Chewing Swallowing Pain [Only when choad is quite large.] Weight change 5 percent or more in 30 days Nutritional Problems Complains about the food P - Complains of hunger - Never eats more than 75 percent of meal - Nutritional Approach IV $ GI tube $ Chopped food Feeding syringe (oral) [I need to nick one for a TSS gift; could make for really kinky play...] Therapeutic diet Supplements between meals Plate guards/built-up utensils ["tard spoons"] Weight change diet P Oral Status Loose debris in mouth at bedtime Has false teeth of any kind Some or all natural teeth gone; no artificial teeth P Broken/loose/decayed teeth P [I'm not going to _their_ dentist!] Swollen or diseased gums Daily mouth care performed by resident or staff Skin Condition Ulceration Persistent redness/no break P [I have to be careful for my nooks and crannies.] Abrasion/blister/shallow crater Total skin loss/deep crater $ Muscle or bone exposed $ Cause of ulceration Pressure/bed sore Stasis/poor circulation Abrasions Bruises Burns $ Cuts Cancer lesions $ Rashes Numbness P Incisions $ Tears Skin Treatments Pressure relieving devices $ Body turning program Nutritive intervention Ulcer care $ Wound care $ Dressings Ointment application P [Vitamin A&D ointment clears me up quickly. So far.] Foot Care Has corns/callouses/bunions etc Infection/swelling/draining Open lesions Nail/callous trimming last 90 days P [By _me_. Fuck quack podiatrists!] Protective foot care/special shoes P [Antibacterial goo sometimes just in case.] Dressings w/w/o medication Activity Patterns Awake Morning/Afternoon/Evening P Time Involved >2/3 , 1/3-2/3 , <1/3 of waking time [2/3+] P Preferred Setting Own room P - [Risk of thievery and other residents's rummaging -- which is simply the PC way of saying daft thievery.] Day room Off nursing unit Outside facility P Preferred Activities Playing cards/Games Arts/Crafts Sports/Exercises Music Reading/Writing P [Writing crap for alt.tasteless and the book which will get me on Oprah.] [Won't these people shit?] Spiritual/Religious Shopping/Tripping P [I wanna go to tha mall! Whaaaaa!] Walking/Wheeling Outdoors Watching TV Plants/Gardening Conversation Helping Others Number and Type of Medications Antipsychotic Antianxiety Antidepressant Hypnotic Diuretic Special Treatments/Programs Chemotherapy $ Dialysis $ IV Therapy $ Intake/Output Montioring P [They hate it when I don't eat their hork.] Acute Condition Monitoring Ostomy Care $ Oxygen Therapy $ Radiation $ Suctioning Tracheostomy Care $ Transfusions $ Alcohol/Drug Treatment $ Alzheimer's/Dementia Care Hospice Care Pediatric Care Respite Care Training in Living Skills/Occupational Therapy $ Speech/Language/Auditory Therapies $ Physical Therapy $ Respiratory Therapy $ Psychological Therapy $ Behavior Evaluation Group Therapy Psychological Evaluation Reorientation/Cueing [ "Don't you wanna get up now?" ] Resident-Specific Environmental Changes Rehabilitation/Restorative Care $ Range of Motion Therapy Splinting/Bracing Assistance Training and Skill Practices Bed Mobility Bed/Chair Transfer Walking Dressing/Grooming Eating/Swallowing Amputation/Posthesis Care Communication/Speech Devices and Restraints Bed rails P [I've had to relearn my sense of balance. Picking me up off the floor will be an interesting way to meet cute firemen...] Trunk restraints Limb restraints Hand restraints Chair prevents rising * * * * * Problem Areas: Delirium Cognitive Loss Visual Function Communication Rehabilitative Potential P $ [Pretty much done.] Incontinence/Catheterization $ * Psychosocial Concerns P! * [I am unusual; therefore I am nuts.] Mood State P! * [Wouldn't _you_ be pissed off...?] Behavior * Activities P! [I don't like basketweaving, ad nauseam.] Falls Nutrition Feeding Tubes $ * Dehydration * Oral/Dental P! [No more quacks and management pals!] Pressure Ulcers $ Psychotropic Drug Use [ being a druggie ] * Physical Restraints * Here endeth the Minimum Data Set. They really do want to know all about you and monitor your intake and output of all kinds. I often feel like a bug on a pin. Well, I thought you might like to see how nearly every facet of your life gets to be an open book. We'll get back to the tastlessness (as if!) next time. =================================================================