TRIALS OF ST TIMMY'S 49 ================================================================= THE TRIALS AT ST TIMMY'S -- The Continued Saga of Paul Ess's Rehabilitation ================================================================= This is episode 49. I promised I would translate tardfarm food- ese into English. Here goes: THE MENU SEZ... WHAT YOU GET... ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Crisp Waffle with Hot Syrup Embossed Rubbery Thing with Corn Syrup or Sorbitol (diarrheal in the sensitive) High Fibre Cereal Boiled Ground Egg Carton Warm Sweet Roll Huh? Pancakes with Fruited Syrup Rubbery Things with Corn Syrup and Orange Juice Mixed or Sorbitol Diarrheal Ham Patty Slice of Cured Pork Loaf-- Salty, Wet and Flavorless Fibre-Rich Apple Juice Buff-Colored Sludge in a Glass Scrambled Eggs Safety-Yellow Plastic-Like Wet Stuff Chunky Apples Apple Pie Filling a la Can Sausage Gravy over Hot Biscuit Floured Leftover Grease on a Heavy Lumpen Thing Hash Browns Reconstituted Potato Pellets, Greased and Steamed Fluffy Eggs Safety-Yellow Foam-Like Wet Stuff Country Short Ribs Fatty Beef Brisket-like Stuff Garlic Potatoes Reconstituted Potato Powder with Garlic Salt, Margarine Scandanavian Vegetables Zucchini and Stewed Tomato in Wanking Cook Glop Lemon Pudding Fresh from the Can Yankee Beef Stew with Potatoes Fatty Beef with Canned and Carrots Potatoes and Frozen Carrot Slices Salad Dressing Watery French or Watery Diet Italian Gold Rush Meat Balls Ground Turkey Pellets in Floured Drippings Lyonnaise Potatoes Potato with Ground Green Stuff Lemon Grove Broccoli [ I'm afraid to ask ] Filipino Chicken on Chicken Bits with Canned Steamed Rice "Oriental" Vegetables Fruit Salad with Orange Canned Fruit Coctail, Sliced Sauce Banana, and Orange Juice Thickened by the Cook Sole Amandine Basic Fish Filet Square with a Toss of Shaved Almond Stewed Tomatoes Canned Tomato Thickened by the Cook's Assistant Fruit Kuchen Spice Cake Square with Canned Fruit Cocktail over Hungarian Paprika Fatty Beef in Canned Tomato Tender Beef Soup-based Slop Cauliflower au Gratin Boiled Cauli with Cheez Powder Roast Turkey Slice of Turkey Loaf, Flavored with Water and Salt Potato Puff Potato Skin Filled with Tarted-Up Mashed Potato Garden Green Peas Plastic Pellets in Margarine Under-the-Sea Fruit Salad Green Jello Full of VeggieBits on a Bed of Iceberg Lettuce Lettuce Slaw with Dressing [ Make Slaw with lettuce when you really really _really_ hate your dinner guests. ] Pineapple Tidbits Canned Pineapple Bits Goulash Soup Leftovers in Canned Veg Soup with Extra Added Water Chicken Club Sandwich Diced Chicken Loaf with Diced Cucumber and Shredded Iceberg Lettuce in Watery Wank Sauce (?) Banana Salad Sliced Banana in Orange Juice Specially Wanked by Cook on Shredded Iceberg Creamy Mushroom Soup Special from Our Tank Car Parked Right Outside Tangy Tuna Baked Casserole Bland Tuna "Salad" in Heavy Dough Substance Purple Plum Fruit Crisp Canned Plums Dumped over Leftover Spice Cake Swiss Steak with Brown Sauce Stew Beef in -- Say, What _Is_ This Crap, Anyway? Shoestring Beets Thickened by Cook's Assistant Parsley Sprig [ Always specified at Lunch and Dinner and WHO CARES? ] Moist Cake Fresh-Bought, Not from the "Day-Old" Store Navy Bean, Cheesy Bow Tie Beans, Pasta Shells, and and Bacon Bake Cured Pork Scraps in Heavy Dough Substance Fruit Garnish Orange Slice Dinner Salad Shredded Lettuce with Watery French or Fake Italian Dressing Creamy Vegetable Soup Canned Vegetable Soup Specially Thickened by the Cook's Assistant Ham Sandwich on Rye Bread Slice of Ham Loaf Left Over from Ham Patty Day Vegetable Medley Whatever We Have, Boiled to the Consistency of Mush Golden Bananas Banana Salad sans Lettuce French Onion Canned Soup All American Burger Turkey Hamburger Pork Teriyaki Asian Pork New York Pastrami Boiled Corned Beef Baked Fish Filet Frozen Deep-Fried Fish Bar Salisbury Burger Ground Turkey in Brown Slop Tomato Medley Scandanavian Vegetables Saucy Cubed Veal Diced Veal Loaf Redolent of Water and Salt Turkey Breast with Slice of Turkey Loaf Seasoned a la King Sauce with Water and Salt =================================================================