STYX, Paradise Theater (A&M)

When this troupe of para-metal garrous first stroked the scene, they had a lot of promise. Coming in on the tail end of the first heavy metal era, of BVH (Before Van Halen), they were doing rhythm crazed noise chunks textured with the usual flummery of death's heads, doom-rubes, wolves, witches, satanic litanies--all of those cough syrup philosophies of disintegration lumped together under the cosmic nihilism of the demon blues riff. They were competent in their incompetence, a prime ingredient for any true metal success. They had even managed to pen a classic of sorts. That song from their very first album, "Krakatoa." A geological blues-rhumba told from the point of view of the volcano itself--neat idea, huh? The song was filled with doomsday riffing, some soft lyrical moments and--oh yeah--a smattering of the "Hallelujah Chorus." It was good, and true to the spirit of metal.

Yet, as the skirling gods of metal began to fade and be overrun by the burbling brooks and swaying meadows of a frisbee-flecked new age horizon, Styx floundered. They had missed the point. What to do, they wondered. And so, they changed personnel. Up from that limbo there arose a new, improved, mellower Styx. Chucking off the gritty coil of pur sang metal mambo stench, they settled into a groove that didn’t agitate, didn’t excite and most assuredly was pretentious. They tempered their imagery, tightened their musical texturings, and became lost in the grand illusions of their own devise.

Voila, Paradise Theater, a Styxian "concept" album about a crumbling stage house. Where's Lon Chaney when you need him? And not only is it a concept album, but they've gone totally Hollywood by dressing the album up with their glorious moniker stamped right onto the record. Wow. Of course, if it's a concept album, it therefore must be boring. As stated previously, concept albums are life's way of smacking rock'n'roll in its insolent face. We have to live with them, I suppose, but we don't have to like them. Besides, the last really good concept was original sin, and no rock band has ever tried to make that into a rock opera. Yet.

Paradise Theater is perfect for those dinosaurs who still think that progress, and progressive music, is our most important product. It ain't. And for those who dislike this kind of music to begin with, why are you reading this, anyway?