Date: Thu Aug 7 14:07:43 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: URK!!

Now I usually get on well with The World Of Nature, but not with precocious git fauna...

Just had a run in with some violent thug caterpillars!

I got an inter library loan from the library - after 8 months it finally came through! Recent developments in wood machining in eastern asia.

So! There I am happily sitting under my favourite tree reading about how they are using conical planing cutters in korea to improve wood surface finish. Did you know the chinese have found a way of making plywood out of bamboo?

BANG! I look over to my rucksack and theres this HUGE orange hairy ugly sod about 3 inches long giving me a dirty look. I told it to Fuck Off, and when this had no effect prodded him with a stick. He turned around and attacked the stick!

I've never seen such a violent caterpillar. So, I flicked him off about 10 yards away and started reading again about how 40% of state owned sawmills in vietnam admit that thier bandsaws are out of date, when I felt something on my arm - I look down and theres ANOTHER ONE!

!! big pink/orange/white caterpillar, about 3 1/2 inches long and a good 1/2 inch thick! That spells HUGE wandering up the inside of my rolled up shirt sleve. This cunt meant business and it took quite a bit of shaking to get it off. Theres still a red mark on my arm where it was hanging on with some disgusting alien set of chompers.

I've now retreated to the safety of the lab to check out the exciting story of how Japan built it's first friction feed power saws in 1895.

What a bloody lunch hour eh? why can I not have a normal lunch?

Date: Thu Aug 7 12:14:56 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: A touching story just for YOU LOVELY PEOPLE

They lay down together and faced the sunset. They lay cupped together like spoons. The night was warm and they had nowhere to go. Billyjoe lay at the back and he slid his arm under him to lean on his elbow.

They talked about nothing in particular, because they were young and liked to try and delude themselves into thinking that they were there for something other than what they were really there for. Billyjoe slid his hand from the side of his head to his shirt pocket to check if the condoms were there. He felt the reassuring bulge and put his hand back. He continued talking all through this and he didn't take his eyes off the sunset.

The grass was slightly chill, but where their young bodies pressed down on it, it held a certain warmth that would still be there for a while after they eventually left. The trees stood tall and still with the ocassional rustle and wave. Insects dotted about just above the grass and invisible animals stayed well clear of the lovers.

Bobbysue rolled over and their eyes caught and locked. Arms snaked around bodies and lips slid over each other. A passion rose in the pair as they linked in their romantic clinch. Their bodies rubbed against each other in a slow-motion Hollywood way. Firm and rounded body parts were ground into each other. Bobbysue slid a hand down to Billyjoes tight jeans and slipped it into the waistband. The hand deftly popped the button and Billyjoe tensed. He felt the hand continue in through his boxer shorts and on to its warm and stiff contents. And then his dick was released from its constraints. The night air played across it as Bobbysue wrapped an encircling hand around it. Billjoe gasped and lay back as Bobbysue slid a fist up and down before leaning slowly forward and engulfing it with warm moist lips.

Billyjoe in his throes of ecstatsy lay back gasping until he was spent. Bobbysue crawled up over him and placed still sticky lips against his. They shared the taste of his come and their tongues entwined once more. Billyjoe slipped his hands downwards and inside the back of Bobbysue's jeans. His hands played over smooth flesh before he deftly moved them round to unbutton and unzip. The denim slid gracefully down over Bobbysue's pale skin and Billyjoe slid down on his back between Bobbysue's legs. He reached up with his eager mouth and engulfed Bobbysue's erect penis in his mouth.

And they spent all night fucking each other anally. They were brothers actually. Which was probably just as well as their family line couldn't stand much more inbreeding. They already had five cousins with no teeth who sat all day playing the banjo and drinking apple juice through a straw before raping all the cows in the barn and blinding the horses because they were just so damn pretty.

Date: Thu Aug 7 13:11:42 1997
From: Nigel Turner <nigelt@uk.uu.net>
Subject: RE: Fish Dispenser ROCKS

>hows yours doing nigey nige? cant find it on the lunch list

Still ahead, but keeping a look out in case that Fish Dispenser takes = him from behind. WHo's administering the Luch Creatures page - is it = Nic? Can you put HHoH and Little Nigel on there? Ta.

"hell_hound_of_hades"
Carnivore ID 220774

"hell_hound_of_hades" was created by = nigelt@uunet.pipex.com , 42.67 days ago. It is currently an ADULT and is 42.36 = percent fit.
Its current activity is SLEEPING and its current = action is SLEEP.

                                          It has 0 children.
                            It has killed 3 creatures and had cyber-sex =
162 times.
                   It has eaten 58.35 kgs of food , and has expended =
2.97 kilocalories of energy,
                                and has moved a total of 86.29 =

kilometers.

"little_nigel"
Herbivore ID 222801

"little_nigel" was created by = nigelt@uunet.pipex.com , 39.98 days ago. It is currently an ADULT and is 35.31 = percent fit.
Its current activity is MATING and its current = action is BONK.
It's current activity involves "G_2986" (ID = 141623)>.

                                          It has 0 children.
                            It has killed 0 creatures and had cyber-sex =
104 times.
                   It has eaten 63.73 kgs of food , and has expended =
13.80 kilocalories of energy,
                                and has moved a total of 344.20 =

kilometers.

Date: Mon Aug 11 16:49:38 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: New recipe

BUTTER!!! BUTTER!!!!!! thats not vegan is it?

On Mon, 11 Aug 1997 Paul_Clarke@ipc.co.uk wrote:

> You need:
>

>     One packet of Pasta'n'Sauce
>     3/4 pint of water
>     One knob (of butter)
>     One spoonful of fine herb.
>
>     Boil the water
>     Chuck in the butter
>     Chuck in the herb.
>     Chuck in the pasta.
>     Simmer for 15 mins.
>
>     Chill after serving.
>     Have a nice Sunday night.
>
>     Well that's how I recovered from Abbey Park.

>
>
>

Cool recipie. Sounds a bit difficult though. Can you do this one? I've been trying for years.

Packet soup

you need:

packet soup
a saucepan
1/2 pint water

boil the water
add the mix
stir
simmer for 10 mins

How about this one? Now this is REALLY DIFFICULT

Orange Squash

You need

a glass
orange squash
water

get the squash and put some in the glass, then add the water

hmm

SO! PAULY!! Good weekend huh??!?

How are you feeling today??!!?

Date: Mon Aug 11 16:49:38 1997
From: Paul_Clarke@ipc.co.uk
Subject: New recipe

You need:

     One packet of Pasta'n'Sauce
     3/4 pint of water
     One knob (of butter)
     One spoonful of fine herb.

     Boil the water
     Chuck in the butter
     Chuck in the herb.
     Chuck in the pasta.
     Simmer for 15 mins.

     Chill after serving.
     Have a nice Sunday night.

     Well that's how I recovered from Abbey Park.

Date: Mon Aug 11 16:34:53 1997
From: Jo McGowan <onlntmp1@uk.uu.net>
Subject: bastard sons of sweets

Bastard sons of sweets.

Good idea? Or half arsed marketing ploy to make me fatter and appear on Go Ricki, go ricki, go, because I'm too lardy to leave my house?

Successes:
Holes from polos (they're kinda cute)
Giant Smarties - but they're in a bag not a tube Boo! Mint flavoured fags - hey, easily diguise that cigarette smell from your mum.

Failures;
Mint Crunchie - (mint and honeycomb? bleruuugh) Chewy Polos - pweugh, they smell rank and taste all squooshy Orange Curly Wurly - best avoided if hungover

Potential?
Coal flavoured Topics
Wet Dog flavoured Caramac
Fag flavoured Mints - hey, easily diguise that mint smell from your fag.

Date: Mon Aug 11 10:19:56 1997
From: Jo McGowan <onlntmp1@uk.uu.net>
Subject: Psychopath

Well,

after the worries of the weekend, I think young Dec might pull through, he's still only 19% fit, a 2% rise, but he's eaten = something at least. Must have been the Heinz Cream of Tomato soup I made = him.

Ant on the other hand, is turning out to be the troublemaker in the = family, a raging carnivore, he went out and got himself into a fight at = the weekend and killed something. Rah! He's a steaming 40% fit. I just = hope he doesn't start shoplifting or joyriding.

Teenagers!

"Ant"
Carnivore ID 241165

"Ant" was created by onlntmp1@uk.uu.net , 18.45 days ago. It is currently a CHILD and is 40.21 percent fit. Its current activity is SLEEPING and its current action is SLEEP. It has 0 children.
It has killed 1 creatures and had cyber-sex 0 times.

UUNET Consulting
332 Science Park =20
Cambridge
CB4 4BZ

T:01223 250949 - F:01223 250132 - E:onlntmp1@uk.uu.net

Ade wrote that I wrote:
>Yesterday "my girlfriends" Tamogotchi died at 8 years old. Needless to = say
the grief was just horrific.

so is this official now then ? - when are we likely to hear the pitter=20 patter of tiny feet? - who's the best man, wheres the party - where are = the=20
bridesmaids etc

I fucking never did! I was quoting Mr Pilkington Doughsbury = Le'Boy...=20
I have no girlfriend... but don't tell her that... =20

=20

Date: Mon Aug 11 11:35:15 1997
From: Paul_Clarke@ipc.co.uk
Subject: Pants down in Abbey Park

Nice t'meet y'all...

Um, that's all...

     Gaz, explain how it was to Ade that we didn't pick him up...
     communication breakdown I reckon, I did look for you at Uxbridge
     station, we waited there until about 10.30, don't know how I missed
     you...

Date: Mon Aug 11 12:07:02 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: most of them actually

oh dear! it looks like theyre driopping off like flies. my condolenses to you all

a small point here to make to Nigey Nige

Fish dispenser:

>                 It has killed 2 creatures and had cyber-sex 193 times.
>       It has eaten 48.23 kgs of food , and has expended 32.61
>kilocalories of energy,
>                     and has moved a total of 183.22 kilometers.

>
>

Hell Hound of wotsit:

t has killed 3 creatures and had cyber-sex 193 times.

Watch out baby! am catching up!!

Date: Mon Aug 11 12:37:14 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: RE: niges creature, 2 day hangover, lunch, fish dispenser

>>Cor! Am still in a daze from Saturday - spent most of yesterday sleeping >>and am feeling like a zombie today. sitting here in the lab and sweat >is >pouring off me already. so soon.=20 >
>
>I feel much the same this morning as Little Nigel. I drank 9.5 pints on >Saturday - I think this is a record for me. And I can remember >eveerything (well, alomost everything - I'm a bit foggy about the bit >where I spat water over Jo at the Tube Bar, though). Jo, Gary G, myself,

I'm a bit foggy about the tube bar! were you there too then? I think my poor brain had given up on taking things in by then.

Top move on Turks part to play 'bermuda triangle'. =20

>Jo's friend Vicky and some strange 17 year old boy called Daniel from >Nutsford in Cheshire who kept following us around, all went for a Sunday >lunchtime curry for =A32.75. The main selling point of the meal being tha= t
>there was "ample food". This was true. Gary was the only one to risk >alcohol with the meal.=20
>

URK! I couldnt face food yesterday till at least 5.30.=20

>
>>Excellent festival eh? Wow!! I think that has to have been the best one >>yet - and it looks like the whole thing made a profit so there ought to >be >another one next year.=20
>
>It was GREIGHT
>
>
>>Has anyone here ever drank a yard of ale?=20 >
>I thought we'd gone metric?=20
>

Not totally - on uk.rec.sheds today they are talking about how sheds ought to be measured in feet and inches as metric isnt 'sheddy' enough.

That was a nice lunch - plus weve got a new girl at the sandwich thing downstairs plus shes quite nice. plus i'm still starving. shall i go for another sarnie?

barbara was nice but a bit old for me, and predonminantly stocked corned beef sandwiches. but this new person, she's ACE - she's got PRAWNS and SALMON!! Barbara was a cheese and ham sort of woman - she never stocked FISH. I am in love.=20

>
>
>

Date: Mon Aug 11 14:12:33 1997
From: Nigel Turner <nigelt@uk.uu.net>
Subject: RE: Re[2]: Stars of radio and...err...radio

Gary "Encyclopaedia of pop" Gilchrist wrote:

>"Out Demins Out" was an Edgar Broughton Band song I theenk. The nearly = naked
>man was frightening in a Brian & The Teenagers type stylee, wooooh. And = just
>so's I can say "small world", this girl I went out with years ago was = thanked
>on their first ever cassette release.

>Small world.

Yes, what a small world you inhabit, Gary. So this is what we get when = there's no Sunday night pop quiz at the Ox. The words "withdrawal" and = "symptoms" spring to mind.

Date: Mon Aug 11 14:34:18 1997
From: Jo McGowan <onlntmp1@uk.uu.net>
Subject: RE: niges creature, 2 day hangover, lunch, fish dispenser

>>Cor! Am still in a daze from Saturday - spent most of yesterday = sleeping
>>and am feeling like a zombie today. sitting here in the lab and sweat >is >pouring off me already. so soon.=20 >
>
>I feel much the same this morning as Little Nigel. I drank 9.5 pints = on
>Saturday - I think this is a record for me. And I can remember >eveerything (well, alomost everything - I'm a bit foggy about the bit >where I spat water over Jo at the Tube Bar, though).=20

>I'm a bit foggy about the tube bar! were you there too then? I think = my
>poor brain had given up on taking things in by then.

You were dancing a great deal, but Nigel was hiding in a corner = unobserved by most people, from here he could spit water at innocent = passers by with our fear of detection or retribution. (bastard) He also attempted to karate kick an innocent cardboard cutout of an AA = man in the window of the AA shop on the way home.

>Top move on Turks part to play 'bermuda triangle'. =20 I like the Tom Jones number. It suited Mister Hibbert.

>Jo's friend Vicky and some strange 17 year old boy called Daniel from >Nutsford in Cheshire who kept following us around, all went for a = Sunday
>lunchtime curry for =A32.75. The main selling point of the meal being = that
>there was "ample food". This was true. Gary was the only one to risk >alcohol with the meal.=20
>

>URK! I couldnt face food yesterday till at least 5.30.=20

The curry I had was very nice actually, although the veg, lamb and = chicken ones all looked the same and me and Vicky stank out a whole East = Coast Railway's "Sprinter Train" on the way home. I didn't feel bad at all on saturday or sunday, I didn't drink an = horrendous amount, but I think my worst judgement was to accompany Mark = onto the Waltzers, after one of Gary's 'jazz fags', my head took a lots = of steadying after that.
The freezing cold bath i took at Nigel's before the tube bar helped = though.
>
>>Has anyone here ever drank a yard of ale?=20

I've done a half yard. Just don't ever try it with Lager.

Having met me, do you still think I'm a nutter then Neil?? Before you answer that, remember I've seen your stage act.

Everyone will also be pleased to know I've finished the Howard Marks = book, and it was very well written and detailed, interesting, = ceratainly. Biased certainly.

At least I'm talking to people again now.

love Jo

Date: Mon Aug 11 14:47:43 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: RE: niges creature, 2 day hangover, lunch, fish dispenser

>
>>>Cor! Am still in a daze from Saturday - spent most of yesterday sleeping >>>and am feeling like a zombie today. sitting here in the lab and sweat >>is >pouring off me already. so soon.=20 >>
>>
>>I feel much the same this morning as Little Nigel. I drank 9.5 pints on >>Saturday - I think this is a record for me. And I can remember >>eveerything (well, alomost everything - I'm a bit foggy about the bit >>where I spat water over Jo at the Tube Bar, though).=20 >
>>I'm a bit foggy about the tube bar! were you there too then? I think my >>poor brain had given up on taking things in by then. >
>You were dancing a great deal, but Nigel was hiding in a corner >unobserved by most people, from here he could spit water at innocent >passers by with our fear of detection or retribution. (bastard) He also >attempted to karate kick an innocent cardboard cutout of an AA man in the >window of the AA shop on the way home.=20 >
aaah - it's starting to come back to me now - cheers

>>Top move on Turks part to play 'bermuda triangle'. =20 >I like the Tom Jones number. It suited Mister Hibbert. >
>>Jo's friend Vicky and some strange 17 year old boy called Daniel from >>Nutsford in Cheshire who kept following us around, all went for a Sunday >>lunchtime curry for =A32.75. The main selling point of the meal being th= at
>>there was "ample food". This was true. Gary was the only one to risk >>alcohol with the meal.=20

a tough chap

>>
>
>>URK! I couldnt face food yesterday till at least 5.30.=20 >
>
>The curry I had was very nice actually, although the veg, lamb and >chicken ones all looked the same and me and Vicky stank out a whole East >Coast Railway's "Sprinter Train" on the way home.

East coast railway?=20

I didn't feel bad at
>all on saturday or sunday, I didn't drink an horrendous amount, but I >think my worst judgement was to accompany Mark onto the Waltzers, after >one of Gary's 'jazz fags', my head took a lots of steadying after that.=20 >The freezing cold bath i took at Nigel's before the tube bar helped >though. > >>Has anyone here ever drank a yard of ale? >
>I've done a half yard. Just don't ever try it with Lager. >
>Having met me, do you still think I'm a nutter then Neil??

I think youre beautiful and I love you. I really like girls who wear wigs.

>Before you answer that, remember I've seen your stage act. >

Good wasnt it? Oi'm bluddy graet you know.=20

>Everyone will also be pleased to know I've finished the Howard Marks >book, and it was very well written and detailed, interesting, ceratainly. >Biased certainly.=20
>
>At least I'm talking to people again now. >
>love Jo
>

Date: Mon Aug 11 14:12:33 1997
From: Gary Gilchrist +44 116 2561561 ext 4295 <gary.gilchrist@gecm.com> Subject: Re: Re[2]: Stars of radio and...err...radio

>Or Colin could do the talking? And Dr. Brown (from Portsmouth) will be playing (and doing old Heliotrope songs) on one of the other stages. And they're Bloody Good. If you like songs with lyrics like (for the benefit of anyone who's not seen them):
>

>     Doctor Brown are fucking ACE! I've seen them a few times as I'm from
>     Portsmouth... I like "Out Demons Out!" where one of them gets all his
>     kit off, it's fucking TOPS!

"Out Demins Out" was an Edgar Broughton Band song I theenk. The nearly naked man was frightening in a Brian & The Teenagers type stylee, wooooh. And just so's I can say "small world", this girl I went out with years ago was thanked on their first ever cassette release.

Small world.

Date: Mon Aug 11 14:42:53 1997
From: Gary Gilchrist +44 116 2561561 ext 4295 <gary.gilchrist@gecm.com> Subject: Re: Re[2]: Stars of radio and...err...radio

>Gary "Encyclopaedia of pop" Gilchrist wrote: > >"Out Demins Out" was an Edgar Broughton Band song I theenk. The nearly naked >man was frightening in a Brian & The Teenagers type stylee, wooooh. And just >so's I can say "small world", this girl I went out with years ago was thanked >on their first ever cassette release.
>
>>Small world.
>
> Yes, what a small world you inhabit, Gary. So this is what we get when there's no Sunday night pop quiz at the Ox. The words "withdrawal" and "symptoms" spring to mind.

Damn!
I've just realised there's a gap in my weather records - does anyone have the rainfall figures and sunshine hours for April to hand?

Date: Mon Aug 11 16:50:35 1997
From: MB Moore <M.B.Moore-96@student.lut.ac.uk> Subject: Ta Ta

Thanks for letting us kip round yours, at very very short notice, Neil.

I still blame the fumes coming out of your floor rather than the 8 pints lager for my atrocious hangover on Sunday.

On a more cheerful note:
TAKE ME OFF THE LIST!!!! I am about to lose e-mail and need to complete shitloads of work (ooh, at least half a hundred weight) in the coming weeks.

Much as I have been pleasured and sickened by the posts on this list, it is time to go.

Today's lunch was: NOTHING (a new diet I have devised myself)

Bye, bye,
Matt