Date: Mon Jun 2 13:23:38 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Cheeese and LIST
Content-Length: 1073
Hi Kids, gosh but i'm organised. I have slightly REJIGGED the list to include Chris P's proper address, and Nic P's tooo. Anyone else called P want to be in on the jigging? I come to zis country to do the jigga-jigga Yass?
Neil burbled:
>>Cottage cheese is THE BUSINESS and anyone who doesn't think so will have to
>>sort it out with me outside. metaphorically speaking, of course.
>
>dont bother with that low fat shit - cottage cheese is low fat anyway. i
>say put CHIVES (fresh) in it and have it on top of a jacket potato.
>Do you like to Have It on a jacket potato?
I love to Have It on a jacket potato. Mmmm. I have tried It with chives, and it's not quite as refreshing. Also Getting Some with pineapples isn't such a Kick.
I bought my Cool Original Cottage Cheese AFTER MIDNIGHT at the 24hr Spar on Saturday night! Wahey! What it is to live in a Metropolis eh?
Ooh, and by the way - Natalie, Michael, Dec and Chris - DO NOT go to any pub in Leicester for a fortnight, otherwise i shall be forcing VOON tapes on you. Mmm, it's grrrrrooovy!
Cheers,
Mark
Date: Mon Jun 2 14:17:28 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Doh!
Content-Length: 832
Chris said:
> >Sorry. I dun Chris's address wrong. Flid.
> >
> >
> What are you on about, sounds like you need a holiday.
You are a mergatroyd. If you had received the last message you would have understood, but the subject of this message was precisely that i.e. you did not receive the last message, hence my posting of _that_ message, and this message to clarify the message of the previous message.
Cuh!
Oh, and Pauly, can i have yr addressss AGAIN cos i have lost it AGAIN whilst "clearing up" my email i.e. destroying all useful things. And Nic, if you want a tape, give me yr addddress too. And anyone else too, tho as most of youse have already beeeen inflicted at theee wekend, or are about to, then i guess there is none of you.
ALPINE black cherry flavour spring water today. ALPINE! Posh eh?
Cheeers,
Mark
Date: Mon Jun 2 14:40:43 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Doh!
Content-Length: 213
>there is none of you.
>
>ALPINE black cherry flavour spring water today. ALPINE! Posh eh?
Too right - my friend geoff at primary school was dead posh, and his mum drove an alpine.
>
>Cheeers,
>
>Mark
>
>
>
Date: Mon Jun 2 14:48:51 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Doh!
Content-Length: 518
>
> look hibbett you buggered it all up by changing my address.
> so I've changed it back, can people reply to this list now coz otherwise
> my name I'll be on it twice and I'll get every message twice.
>
> thankyou
>
Sorry about that. My mind is now full of thoughts of GREEK SALAD.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!
Greek Salad is lovely. The only problem is when you make it you always buy too much feta cheese, which really has not much other use in life apart from living in Greeek Salads. Poor old thing.
Date: Mon Jun 2 15:09:58 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Doh!
Content-Length: 869
>While I'm here though: anyone on this list fancy >a good rimming?
It's not a rim i'm after - I've got a whole cupboard full of channels, rims and flanges. i need a nice bit of aluminium ANGLE. about 60 x 70 mm, if work on the worlds only mechanical computer currently in use is to progress. couldnt be bothered washing my hands and now getting machine oil on the computer.
I may shoot into Ritas Deli on hinkley road and get some feta cheese and olives. anyone fancy a greek salad tonight? I might take it up to viccy park or john sims grave. Bring a bottle of chilled retsina.
she's got huge jars of anchovies too. Rita is great.
>
>Gary
>
Jesus was a paedophile! Mothere Theresa, likes to hit kids.
What a great tape. I see Jeremy didnt want one. I reckon he's SCARED of it. Cool. I dont want stuck up tarts listening to my records anyway. hahahaha.
Date: Mon Jun 2 16:02:52 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: WHOOOOP! Yeaahahahahha....
Content-Length: 255
I just finished mounting the Linear Variable Displacement Transducer !!
Off home in half an hour to catch Rita for some Feta Cheese.
Tomorrow I attatch the Signal Conditioning Amplifier. Then I'll do a trial run.
Igor, Did you bring the brain?
Date: Mon Jun 2 16:02:52 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Doh!
Content-Length: 636
Ta for the address - 27 minutes of thrills will be on the way tomorrow! Exciting huh?
> the studio flat
Ooh! Hark at him! I prefer to live in The Penthouse Suite, because it upsets my downstairs neighbours when i get mail.
> P.S. when is that there B&S gig oop north type thing. Umm I reckon I > wanna go to that.
You do wanna, you really dooo. It's June 21st, Kelvingrove Park, and apart from that i know nothing. Bloke i'm going to Glastonbury with reckons they're playing there too, but he has no idea why he knows that, and i think it's just cos i said to him "wouldn't it be good if ...."
We'll see i guess!
Cheers,
Mark
Date: Tue Jun 3 10:37:44 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: TEA!
Content-Length: 1820
>>
>> don't know but i'm running on about 10 so far today...... only problem i
>> can see are the numerous trips to the bog.... i wonder what happens to all
>> the tannin? - maybe it helps build up the summer tan? - all year round tan
>> if you drink enough of it i spose....
>
>This is a good point. My Strange American Cousins are mormons who abdure tea
>(and all other intoxicants) because it do stain your innards. I can't see
>what's wrong with tea coloured insides myself,
Exactly! A healthy liver is a Brown liver.
but there you go. They don't
>drink BEER either, but were awfully nice - for breakfast once they made them
>HUGE piles of american pancakes all piled on a plate with SYRUP on top, just
>like you see in The SImpsons etc. It was great.
>
>> >how many cups of tea can the human body cope with in one day?
>> >answers on a postcard to the usual address.
>
>I once had 18 cups in a working day when we had the Great How Many Cups Of Tea
>Can We Drink Today experiment. I REALLY needed to go to the toilet. A lot.
I think theres a place in this world for tea and coffee - i used to abhor coffee in its many forms till i discovered that it doesnt have to taste of burnt cork tiles, as it does when out of a machine.
people who say 'tea has more caffeine than coffee' are complete retards. yeah. they'd probably also say ' did you know Blue is more blue than orange is orange?' spazmos. it's like saying 'durrr cheese and tomato sandwiches have more chees in than cheese and pickle'.
people like that usually go on to say really idiot things that are meant to impress you like 'if you put a match in an empty tank of petrol then the vapour will make it explode, but if you put a match in a full tank it'll just go out' go on then, TRY IT.
they are usually goths.
>
>Cheers,
>
>Mark
>
>
>
Date: Tue Jun 3 12:19:34 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: TEA!
Content-Length: 940
> >I once had 18 cups in a working day when we had the Great How Many Cups Of Tea
> >Can We Drink Today experiment. I REALLY needed to go to the toilet. A lot.
>
> I think theres a place in this world for tea and coffee - i used to abhor
> coffee in its many forms till i discovered that it doesnt have to taste of
> burnt cork tiles, as it does when out of a machine.
>
Me too. Time was i looked at coffeee drinkers in the same way i looked at Lager drinkers, such was my youthful folly, but since then i have tasted NIIIIICE coffeee and er... poncey lager. Now i cannot imagine starting the day without a delicious cup of real steaming coffeee, or taking one of my many jetset European ooh-la-la networking conference missions without knocking back some foreign BOOZE.
There is a world of different things out there, and hey, they all have a right to be here, and should be given a chance.
Except Goths, obviously.
Cheers,
Mark
Date: Tue Jun 3 11:45:17 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: WHOOOOP! Yeaahahahahha....
Content-Length: 1609
>hi - i'm still here just not able to cope with your emails so don't
>everlastingly reply to me today even though i post about a million every
>ten minutes because i am MENTAL knnow you've all missed
>me TERRIBLY haven't you (fool me fool me........)......you could at
>least try to lie.
>
alright then. I Live Next Door To Bobby Charlton. I was bought up in the forest by wolves. I work part time as a hovercraft pilot. I once saw a UFO. Radiohead are not completely depressing.
>paul - my dad's got a yacht (sorry daddy's got a yacht) in the >meditteranean so be nice to me. and i might show you some pictures.
I know. It's a ketch.
>
>no joking aside even with your newfound sailing passion my dad lives
>on the boat too, and it is on fire and that should keep you away from it.
>
sounds dangerous
>hello gary hasslehof, i take it you like radiohead. this is A GOOD >THING. If you don't then you will be first against the wall come the >revolution.
ahh - but at least I'll be CHEERFUL
>me and the boyfriend are gonna see radiohead in sept. In a cave. Smeared >with turpentine and walnuts.
Thier RUBBISH compared to the Pet Shop Boys
>YAY YAY YAY!!!1
>
YAY YAY YAY!!!2
>B.
>
>PS I HAVE FAILED all my exams
how can you be sure? were all sure youve passed the lot.
i reckon so who can offer me a jobv
>ifrst
i hear the guardian needs a new typist!
Date: Wed Jun 4 09:19:42 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[2]: TEA!
Content-Length: 531
Pauly:
> I've never ever heard anyone say that "put a match in an empty petrol > tank" before, except Kneel. If he had any hair I reckon it would be > long and black.
It was, once long ago. Hey! We know a story about neil, hair and petrol don't we? Of course, i would NEVER repeat it cos i am too much of a nice person.
> I'm a goff now anyway, so fuck off, goffs are cool
>
> CZS
Hang on ... Yes! I see the connection! Marilyn Manson -> Comedy Goth -> Rocky Horror Show -> TIM CURRY! AHA!
Date: Wed Jun 4 09:47:03 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[2]: WHOOOOP! Yeaahahahahha....
Content-Length: 586
> a) imminent release of 'OK Computer': lovely, lovely angst and melancholia
NG! Is there no escape from this man and his talk of Radiohead??? Heavens! This is a LUNCH list!!!
Note STERN exclamation marks -> !
!!!
By golly i hit those keys hard. Hey kids! I have excitment lined up for MY lunch today. My recent run of COTTAGE CHEESE FANATICISM was curtailed last night when the local shop RAN OUT, so i bought some Philadelphia instead. It's lurking in my lunchbox, so i will be reporting back later on what it's like as a Healthy Lunch Option.
Try not to get too excited.
Date: Wed Jun 4 11:14:33 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: WHOOOOP! Yeaahahahahha....
Content-Length: 1201
ok i've got taramaslata and cucumber sandwiches with lots of black pepper, a bottle of sainsburys cola and some Crispy Cheese Buttons.
Now i think this list would be much more informative if we knew how much these things cost - o.k you london types with yer legs of lamb are all well and good, but whats the down side? it costs about a million quid, thats what! people showing off by eating a whole M&S pavlova ought to say how much beer money theyve wasted.
we ought to be giving each other ideas about what to have for lunch, in case anyone hasnt got a clue what to have::
so here goes: as am only
having half the taramaslata and half the buttons, and 1/4 cucumber, about
60p plus the cola = 1.00 of your english pounds.
i'll not go on about calories tho, 'cause diet food is a crime against humanity!!
>
>At least your menu always looks exciting. I have to try and find a
>different sandwhich shop every day other wise I get bored. That's all
>there is in Mayfair bloody sandwhich shops and Aston Martin Dealerships.
>
>I think today it might be Chicken Supreme (chicken ham green pepper +
>mayo) on Ciabatta from Bar Remo where they all pretend to be Italiano.
>
Jaysus!
>Nic
>
Date: Wed Jun 4 11:25:14 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[5]: WHOOOOP! Yeaahahahahha....
Content-Length: 844
> ours today is dead boring... theres normally something you can take the
> piss out of but sadly no...
>
> although it does mention a cream cheese crostini - anyone have the faintest
> idea what a crostini is?
No idea, but the "healthy option bit":
>
> Fetta Cheese, Apple and Carrot Salad with Poppy Seeds ( 1.10 )
>
> Avocado and Prawn Cocktail ( 1.20 )
>
> Sundried Tomato and Herbed Cream Cheese Crostini ( 1.20 )
>
Looks smart. FETTA CHEESE! Were they listening in? We have no canteeeen here, so everybody either brings there own (as i do) or is dead bourgoise and spend a million quid from a sandwich shop.
Philadelphia Cheese Update: Well, it doesn't taste quite like Cottage Cheese, and it doesn't taste quite like Dairylea. It's a zingy taste halfway between, that i quite enjoyed! Mmmm!
Date: Wed Jun 4 15:49:06 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[2]: My lunch
Content-Length: 836
>
> i feeeel funnny...
>
> Blimey, got a lunch date with Sarah from uk-indie tomorrow too, she's > coming into IPC towers... lovely...i want to marry her. can kissing > make you pregnant?
HA HA!! Might post that to uk indie.
are you going to show her your Underpant Mushroom Farm? I advise against it. Also i reccomend you make a show of eating a leg of lamb. Girls like cavemen. I know it's a sacrifice to ur vegan principles.
>
> see, being a pissed up reck makes you irresistable to women...
>
Come off it! you always were anyway! You Frood!
(neil being nice to someone ??!)
This is true. It also makes you great at many things like sitting in the park, taking the piss, and cooking. cooking is great when pissed.
> CZS
>
what is the meaning of CZS? pray will you tell us?
Date: Wed Jun 4 16:12:01 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[2]: My lunch#
Content-Length: 801
> > see, being a pissed up reck makes you irresistable to women...
> >
>
> Come off it! you always were anyway! You Frood!
>
> (neil being nice to someone ??!)
>
> This is true. It also makes you great at many things like sitting in the
> park, taking the piss, and cooking. cooking is great when pissed.
Looking at pretty flowers, interesting conversations and cooking - all things that girls like!!!! PROOF indeed that being pissed makes you sexy and cool! Excellent! I have never actually tried to do dressage on ponies in gymkhanas or buy shoes, but i bet these too would be easier to achieve when pissed.
Hang on, maybe beer TURNS you into a woman??? That would certainly explain where these succulent breasts of mine have come from.
Or maybe women are just pissed all the time?
Date: Thu Jun 5 09:07:37 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[4]: My lunch
Content-Length: 1337
>
> >yeah - well i have to interview stevie vai and joe satriani tomorrow night
> >for the sony web site...
> >
> >"er so - why do you always play interminably long guitar solos then?"
> >
>
> Instead of the passive approach, why not adopt a pro-active one?
> "You would justify your existence more if you played less of that fretwankery
> jiggery pokery, I THINK YOU'LL FIND"
Gary is on the right lines here, but maybe it would be easier just to GLASS THEM. With VILENCE, obviously. It would be a Modern Art Postmodernist take on the extraction of the soul in interview.
Or you could try getting them to be yr NEW FRIENDS and buying you loads of Beer. Mind you, that JAYSUS Jones bloke's probably on hard times now. I listened to half one of their records yesterday on me walkman, just as a reminder, and it wasn't half rum.
> Three self made french bread things - one houmous and olives, one "Dublin > Cheddar" and one strawberry jam. Oh - and a banana and an apple. > The French bread things were exactly 5 inches long each - I measured them. How > big was everyone elses meal? In imperial measurements please.
Ah! The Big French Sticks of Gary! Who can forget the Simon's Birthday Sandwich from last year? Oooh! It fair put my cottage cheese to shame.
But only five inches? Cuh! My sandwich is 8 inches, and wide in girth.
Date: Thu Jun 5 09:16:19 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: A Joke and David Devant
Content-Length: 1786
Leicester Kids - is anyone going to seeee David Devant tonight? We can say "Hey, do you know Pauly?" and then they'll be dead impressed and give us all their Rock Star Booze and be our New Friends.
Here is a joke i was told when i was at an International Conference being a jetsetter:
An old rabbi retires, and he decides to get himself made a memento of all the young men that he's introduced to manhood and all that, so he goes to his Rabbi Shed and gathers together all the foreskins, which he has saved in the fridge over his long career. This is perfectly normal and not at all odd, and it's a joke anyway, but they're all there.
He takes this lot to a tailor, or a haberdasher or something. Someone who makes goods out of material anyway. "Oy vey Rachel" he says (and so on), "I have been a rabbi for ages, and i would like a memento with which to remember the Generations of young men whom i have initiated into our Great Faith."
"Fair do's" says bloke who stitches things. "Anything in particular?"
"Anything really, already, so soon in my life" he says (etc etc), "Just as long as you use these here foreskins to make it with"
Bloke says OK, as he has been in such jokes before, and the rabbi goes home, tired but happy.
A couple of weeks later he returns to the shop (it was a shop, by the way), and says "Righto, what have you got for me?"
The tailor (or whatever) produces a beautiful purse, delicately woven and really rather pretty, for something made out of knob clippings, and hands it over. "Well", says Rabbi, "It's very nice, but it's not really what i was after, i wanted something a bit more special really..."
"Ah!" says bloke, "But this is a very special purse indeed! It's a purse now, but when you stroke it it turns into a suitcase!"
Boom - boom.
Date: Thu Jun 5 10:11:59 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[4]: My lunch
Content-Length: 962
> >Ah! The Big French Sticks of Gary! Who can forget the Simon's Birthday
> Sandwich
> >from last year? Oooh! It fair put my cottage cheese to shame.
>
> No! that was Neils birthday. Simons was when I found a brand new set of jump
> leads in a skip on the way to the pub, and then had to give them to him cos it
> was his birthday. Neil had to give him the spanner that he'd found too. I
> really wanted those jump leads. Simon had better get me something good for my
> birthday this year
This reminds me of a Thing: It's Simon's play tonight and tomorrow night at the
Guildhall. Good, now i have told LOADS of people so i don't have to worry about
it. He's being John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons.
>
> >But only five inches? Cuh! My sandwich is 8 inches, and wide in girth.
>
> But it's what you do with it that's important. I'd like to see you eat your
> big-mac style snack in a suggestive flake advert style.
>
I bet you would, you pervy old sod.
Date: Fri Jun 6 11:37:24 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: pauly being a lightweightt
Content-Length: 479
Grrrrry suggest:
>
> Are we having a lunch list meet up at Glastonbury then? We could "do" (for
> those of you in the capital) lunch together in a non virtual, actually actual
> sense.
This is a spot on plan, and should be applauded. We could indulge in a programme of INTERESTING LUNCHING, compare and contrast falafel etc.
> Left of the mixing desk?
NNn! NNNNN! Me go plop plop!
My breakfast is even more dull than my lunches, so i shall spare you the dreary details.
Date: Fri Jun 6 11:44:34 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: pauly being a lightweight
Content-Length: 104
> What am I doing agreeing with everyone? Must be getting the Glastonbury vibe
> already
>
i agree.
Date: Fri Jun 6 11:46:48 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Leicester Stuff
Content-Length: 1351
Hi Kids - gosh, we've just had a demonstration of how to use Audio Visual equipment, so if yr lamp's blow, baby i can fix 'em.
Me and Neil went to see Si's play last night. It was very good indeed, i was most impressed. Dangerous Liaisons is what it was, and it was a lot funnier than the film, probly cos the RUDENESS was emphasised. A lot. "Come back when your plans are more firm" arf! Simon snogged millions of women, which i object to having to pay good money for, as it is a sight that was available free of charge most days last year (i have a video of the highlights).
I hope Leicester Kids are coming to see Ecstacy at the Ox on Sunday - i have seen a photo of them, and it looks like being A Laff, especially if they bring their smoke machine!
Dave gave me sneak preview of Sorted Stage lineup at Abbey Park - can't remember times, but from about 2.30pm it goes:
Unknown Stuntman
Prolapse
Voon
Someone Else
John Sims
then some more, and it ends with Freed Unit, which will be nice cos we can all have a nice kip after a hard day. NoinG! Or maybe they just want to make sure people leave on time? Ha! Only joking Garypoo, you know i love you.
Not sure when LAzarus Clamp are on tho - Michael & Natalie, there is a tape with yr name on it, and hiding from it will do you no good.
Mmmmm... Philadelphia cheeeese sarnies again. Lovely.
Date: Fri Jun 6 12:06:12 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Hello, Friday
Content-Length: 437
Just been to beaumont leys on the way in to get some decongestants from the big boots there. There are some fucking ugly thick and common people live in beaumont leys. Since this morning i dont buy all this caring socialist 'oh lets care about the white working classes' crap. They are lazy, dim, and very badly dressed. They should all be killed.
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
lunch: I've eaten it already: 4 crumpets and an eccles cake.
Date: Fri Jun 6 15:12:12 1997
From: "M.J.Hibbett" <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: I'm bloody great!
Content-Length: 400
My boss just came in with the data from the Trent Incontinence Study and asked if I could have it set up by the end of next week, little did she know I keep the back up copy on my computer!
Ha Ha!! That means I've got next week to sit around doing the Sorted pages! Yip!!
Marmite sandwiches and an apple and some pear flavoured spring water.
Not that I'm a vegan. Vegans are FUCKING WIERD.
Date: Mon Jun 9 11:34:52 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Everybodys coming home to lunch THESE DAYS
Content-Length: 492
last night, there were skinheads on the lawn!
take the skinheads bowling
take them BOWLING!!!!
well, I had a dream last night, I wanted to lick your knees. then I woke up and prepared lunch.
THIS IS MY LUNCH!!!!
I have 2 lunches! yes 2! because I am working late(ish) in the lab tonight. (and doing the monster mash)
lunch1: peanut butter, mayo and salad s/w. salmon pate, mayo and salad s/w.
lunch2: a sainsburys mushroom and bacon flavour space soya Snack Noodle thing.
Date: Mon Jun 9 15:58:58 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Let's Save The World With Lunch
Content-Length: 1945
Hey there, you crazy lunch-listers! Here's a way we can indulge our interests AND help research at the same time!
PARTICIPATE IN ONE OF THE FIRST EPIDEMIOLOGIC FOLLOW-UP STUDIES ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB
Link to: http://www.epi.umn.edu/health_survey/
Investigators at the University of Minnesota School of Public Health in
Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, are carrying out one of the first research studies
to use the Internet to look at relationships between what people eat and their
long-term health. You can be a part of this study! Register and Participate
at
ECCSite!, Website of the Epidemiologic Cyberspace Cohort Study (URL:
http://www.epi.umn.edu/health_survey/).
In return for your participation, you will receive your own personalized
nutrient intake profile and periodic study updates. WeOre hoping for
thousands,
if not millions of participants. Join us in this great adventure to see if we
can use the Internet to conduct large-scale epidemiologic follow-up studies.
With thanks in advance, and apologies for cross-postings.
The ECCSite! Research Team
healthsurvey@epivax.epi.umn.edu
P.S. Please pass this message on to anyone you think may be interested in participating in this study.
* JOIN OUR WWW EPIDEMIOLOGIC COHORT STUDY OF DIET AND HEALTH AT * * http://www.epi.umn.edu/health_survey/ * * ----------------------------------------------------------- * * Lawrence H. Kushi, Sc.D. email: kushi@epivax.epi.umn.edu * * Division of Epidemiology telephone: 612-626-8578 * * Univ of Minnesota School of Public Health FAX: 612-624-0315 *
* http://www.epi.umn.edu/~health_survey/personal/kushi/lhkhomepage.html *
These people are GAGGING to know what we had for lunch!
Date: Tue Jun 10 09:23:39 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Baby! Everything is alright
Content-Length: 808
Uptight, clean outa sight!
dooo doo dooo doo dooo doooo
A wee bit of STEVIE wonder there for you all to sing inside your heads all day.
This will be of special relief to anyone who had to listen to radiohead or oasis or some other such drear on the way in! Isnt it strange how the last thing you listen to be it on the radio before you come out, on the car radio or on a walkman gets stuck in your mind all day?
Well, todays lunch,
I DON'T KNOW!!
The bakery was shut when I left this morning and there was no bread in the freezer! So having to get some sudafed at lunchtime I'll get something from Boots.
But what?
I need Ideas kids, please write back and tell me what you're all having.
Baby! Everything is alright!
UP tight! Outa SIGHT!!
dooo do do do do dooooo do do dod o!!!
Date: Tue Jun 10 10:28:38 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Lunch & FAME!
Content-Length: 801
Morning You Kids. Wahey! Email from The Label Head this morning saying we're going to be on telly!!!!
OK, yes, is Cable telly, and it's The Council not Voon, but still! Wahey! They're doing some sort of viddddeo thing of Abbey Pk last yr (or something), and they're showing our performance, with the soundtrack overdubbed from "Dirty Old Man" on the CD - just as well really, baring in mind what we sounded like...
Dunno if anyone else is going to in the TV Extravaganza, but we are! Noing!
On that note, lunch today is, once again, cottage cheeeeese sarnies, but with a difference - i bought the cheeese at 20 to 1 this morning! This is cool because:
Date: Tue Jun 10 14:10:26 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: today's lunch
Content-Length: 582
> >And it is a fucking bed, not a sofa... She wanted to DO IT with me > too... > > yeah yeah - pauly - in your dreams...... > > >http://www.kosso.com/paul.jpg
>
AHA! photographic proof! looks very much like a sofa to me.
or perhaps a bed that COLLAPSED in a way that threw half of the mattress upwards to resemble a letter L as a result of MASSIVE strain put upon it by a certain flame haired vegan ON THE JOB.
I take visa and switch! :)
That there Kosso's pages are pretty damm impressive! Shame he has to spoil it by living in Camden Town. What a pose.
Date: Wed Jun 11 08:38:44 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Exciting Cheese Facts, and the anti christian missionary kit!
Content-Length: 1399
>
I got accosted by a christian missionary last night on narborough road, so I told him I was a muslim! He said' oh!' so I said 'take care, salaam alicoom!' and looked a bit scary. He said 'oh!'.
Then I had to go to the offie. I get as far as the door and see the christians coming down the street and stopping people to annoy them on the way. AARGH!! I have in my hand a bottle of cider!! And I'm a muslim now! SHIT!! Then they started coming my way again, and after going to all this trouble already, there was NO WAY I was going to let these buggers tell me about god and jesus and stuff.
I ran over the road, and then I had to go through an alley way and shimmy over the back garden wall into my back yard, which is 8 feet high.
It was well worth it!
>>A big Hi to anyone what lives in a duckpond.
Quaaack!
>
>>Righto then: CHEESE FACTS:
>
>er.......... "exciting", "cheese" and "facts" are not three words, when
>used together, dont sort of er fill me with overwhelming EXCITMENT..
They should do.
.. in
>fact i would go so far as to say that i cant imagine "cheese", "facts" and
>"exciting" being used in any exciting context....
>
then you are MAD. Cheese IS exciting. I will have you SECTIONED forthwith! you are obviously a complete looney!!
loooooonnnneeeyyyyyyy!!! loooooonnnneeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!
lOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Wed Jun 11 11:59:06 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: The Non-Neil Brown Lunch List - AT LAST
Content-Length: 687
>>>Do they have anything for waterproofing twigs?
>>>
>>
>>
>>I like to put two twigs up my nose and listen to the Beatles' I am the
>>walrus, whilst seeing how many cats i can shove into a washing machine.
>>
>>Do I get a Prize?
>
>Hi Julie,
>that was quite a funny message you sent, unlike the poor excuse for humour that
>bloody Neil Brown keeps sending. Glad to see someone has finally deleted his
>name from the list.
>
>Gary
>
>
I bow to the master! What wit and style Mr Gilchrist has! His jokes are so much better than my poor excuses for humour! I think it's so clever! How original! Slagging me off! I mean, wow! who'd have thought of it? Fuck me! what a genius!
Date: Wed Jun 11 12:42:23 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: The Non-Neil Brown Lunch List - AT LAST
Content-Length: 293
>
>Have to say - Neil's London fashion police with their pet squirrel torture
>is THE all time classic lunch list homourous email.....
>
>dEc
>
No, sorry to dissappoint you dec, Gary is right. It is MUCH funnier to slag me off than to be original and make an effort. I bow to the master.
Date: Wed Jun 11 13:18:21 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: The Non-Neil Brown Lunch List - AT LAST
Content-Length: 406
OK, question. who knows about houseplants?
>Question for Mr Brown: Do you make yourself laugh? or do you giggle >insanely the whole time anyway?
actually, most of the time I weep uncontrollably because of what those bloody romans did to the little baby jesus.
>So you think this was the best message?.....
<snip>
nah. Not as good as Gary's messages.
Come on gary, say something funny. Go on.
Date: Wed Jun 11 13:51:58 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: RE: The Non-Neil Brown Lunch List - AT LAST
Content-Length: 310
>Nic Wrote:
>
>>Neil wrote on 19/5/97:
>
>>This unfortunately is most definately not the case. In London there is
>>a
>>roller skate byelaw whereby ................
>
>
>
>Jeezus!! You keep this stuff?
>
>
I keep Nics stuff too. It is great. Nic is a STAR. I Don't keep yours though!
hahahahahaha
>
>
Date: Wed Jun 11 14:26:25 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: RE: The Non-Neil Brown Lunch List - AT LAST
Content-Length: 461
>
>>I keep Nics stuff too. It is great. Nic is a STAR. I Don't keep yours
>>though!
>
>>hahahahahaha
>
>
>Ahaah. You fell into my trap. I keep all my e-mail too. Just wanted to find out who my true friends are.
>
>
hahaha! I was lying! i keep all your email! it was a cunning plan!! My cunning plan was to see if you're the kind of bloke that'd try to trap me!
so! you try to trap me huh?
caught you out baby! with my Cunning Plan!!
>
>
>
>
>
Date: Wed Jun 11 15:01:27 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Back on topic - well done ade
Content-Length: 398
good to see a man with his hand firmly on the tiller steering this massive ship.
hey! let's steer it up the thames and see if we can take out the current equivalent of the marchioness!
>
>lunch consisted of cheeseburger and chips and watching a copy of
>last nights cook report.... made me laugh anyway....
>
>ade
>
>
>
me was 2 egg mayo rolls with loads of black pepper and some sudafed.
Date: Wed Jun 11 15:55:05 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Back on topic
Content-Length: 462
>
>well it was about time we stopped talking about inane silly things and onto
>more highbrow earth-shattering and quite frankly more important topics ...
>ish....
>
>
>
>
>
well said looney man!
loooooonnnneeeyyyyyyy!!! loooooonnnneeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! lOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
boing! boing!!
have you ever had the urge to bite your little finger off? you could do it you know. it would be easy.
hahahahahaha
Date: Thu Jun 12 14:51:44 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Pantywaist saga in a Dynasty stylee...
Content-Length: 896
> Wow, is this the longest post you lunchers have ever seen?
>
> CZS
>
>
EPIC!! really good reading. cheers pauly!
just got this off a bbs from honest chris::
Host: 194.80.49.122 Ranted by honest chris on June 12, 1997 at 14:42:37:
This guy goes into the hospital, okay? His wife's just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both.So, he meets the Doctor and he says: "Oh Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?" And the doctor smiles and says: "They're fine, just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip form! You're one lucky guy!" So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with his flowers...But it's empty... His wife's bed is empty... "Doc?" he says and turns around and the doctor and all the nurses wave their arms and scream in his face: "APRIL FOOL! YOUR WIFE'S DEAD AND THE BABY'S A SPASTIC!!!"
hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Date: Thu Jun 12 15:19:45 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: heres anotherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Content-Length: 1431
Just met a chap called Honest Chris on the internet today, top bloke, I sent this to a bbs in order to get a conversation going
i covered my face with grated cheese and stuck my head under the grill. then i kept it there until all the cheese melted on my face and hot grease ran into my eye sockets. i could feel my skin going like putty as all the layers bubbled and blistered.
all the cheese and flaps of bleeding skin were stuck to my face in a claggy mass, so i got next doors alsation to bite it off.
hahahahahahaha!!!!
.. so naturally we started talking, as you do.
ok then, now heres a joke, yet again from Honest Chris
A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked "Yes sir,may we help you?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said. "We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your ear or whatever." The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" "I can't piss out of it." the man replied.
Date: Thu Jun 12 17:16:03 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Take Nat Off The LIST!!
Content-Length: 145
she got tooo many eeemails baby!!!!
give the gal a break kids!!
reply to THIS LIST ONLY, and i reckon we can crack this problem.
>
>
Date: Fri Jun 13 09:27:34 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: more photo shenanigans..
Content-Length: 675
>
> right everyone who described their lunch today on this list has their
> own page describing their lunches on the website. As people describe
> them more send in photos etc. I will update the pages.
>
> so send me interesting things.
> Neil reckons he can't get to my website can everyone see it?
>
> if you can just try it and email me to say it's working...
>
> http://geocities.datacellar.net/SunsetStrip/1754
It works grrrrrrrrreat, a fascinating and informative read. I especially like the Shag Frenzy SCOOP!
Gary (not Southern Gary, The Artist Formerly Known as Gary Two BAdgers Gary), that BIG lunch page link you had was really good, can we have it again please?
Date: Fri Jun 13 11:06:06 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: You can tell by the way i use my walk...
Content-Length: 1013
> >Mind you, we did do some "French Dancing" later on... i will show you tonight
> >if you're very lucky.
>
> French polishing more like.
???
I would ask what yr on about, but i feeeel it would be tooo perverse for a down-home country boy like me.
>
> >Oh, and Leicester people planning on the Tube Bar: I will expect a signed note
> >from your mother OR a letter from yr GP excusing you Voon duty. Inspectors
> WILL
> >be coming to the Tube Bar to check up. Freaky twins beware...
>
> Is there a guest list?
Grrrr.... guest lists are a sore point with me at the mo, i fear, after the Paying for Prolapse incident. Oooh, i was pissed off.
> I'm being dull and coming in to work tomorrow - so I wont be Tube Barring it. > Does this excuse me from Charlotte attendance?
If you don't want to come, you don't have to... if you can bear the GUILT of all the suffering we've gone through watching the Freed Unit just because we love you, that's ok. *sob* And we've got the Special Shiny Shirts tonight too.
Date: Fri Jun 13 13:59:09 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[4]: The Shite Girls
Content-Length: 610
> Did I tell you all I saw Boyzone the other day? I was semi-comatose > outside Club X at the Astoria 2, and Boyzone were sneaking in the rear > entrance of the Astoria to do a PA at the club next door. > > The Bigger The God rocked last night, but there were no little girls > there, apart from Nic Pillsbury pillsbury pillsbury, who got shitfaced > on his half a mild shandy.
he must be a LONG TERM DRINKING HARD CASE who's liver has deteriorated to the point where he can get pissed really easily. it's true. this is why tramps get off on one tin only of special brew.
Date: Fri Jun 13 14:19:50 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: I am the Ciabatta MAN
Content-Length: 2360
>Adrian_Harris@sonymusic.com wrote:
>>
>> a) what the fuck is "Toasted Ciabatta "
>
It's a kind of itallian fire engine that runs on three wheels. Highly
unstable round corners, it is kept upright by a line attatched from a mast
on the roof to a zeppelin which has to follow it's route with great
precision. The zeppelin is piloted by specially trained badgers. Because
of the difficulty in using this appliance, it is usually only used to put
fires out are very nearby, like the ones that may develop in the rosebush
at the front of the fire station.
Even then it has been known to take up to 7 hours to complete the 25 foot
journey. After which there is never much left of the rosebush.
This is why you don't see gardeners world specials on itallian fire station rosebush growing.
QED.
>>
>> b) how big do you think "Giant Vol-au-Vonts" reeally are ? - i reckon
>> its a con.... and they are just a tad bigger than the usual 2mm across
>> things you get at crap parties....
>>
Thery are approximately 23 cm in diameter. They are made of cast iron, and british rail use them in the manufacture of station buffers. They are painted to look like pastry, but no one ever eats them so it is a little known fact that they are made of cast iron. after parties they are once again painted red and bolted onto station platforms.
>> also why describe chicken kiev as being filled with garlic butter? - i >> thought that was the whole fuckin point anyway? >>
Chicken Kiev isnt actually from Kiev. It was named so because it was invented at the Kiev Hotel in Moscow. Guy Burgess stayed there once.
>
>yes it is the point you've got me on that one.
>
>> and why "vegetarian" sausages? - shurley thats a contradiction in
>> terms?
>
>NO it's not (and stop calling me Shirley) Vegetarian sausages are... oh
>just see Giant Vol-au_vonts it the same answer.
>
Yes. Thus is true in the sense that they are also used on railways. The very largest ones are used as axles in locomotives.
>TODAY I had a homemade sandwhhich which was not anyway near as nice as >one I could of payed three quid for down the road - but I did get a >sense of satisfaction by eating something I created myself. hmmmm >
Speaking of which I've been making some MASSIVE BOGEYS lately. want one?
>Nic
>---
>LUNCH web: http://geocities.datacellar.net/SunsetStrip/1754
>
it works now.
Date: Fri Jun 13 14:55:47 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: RE: I am the Ciabatta MAN
Content-Length: 1560
On Fri, 13 Jun 1997, Roland Harvey wrote:
>Ok I've had me lunch.
>It consisted of 2 pints of Cider from the local pub "Aldwinkles", Fridays =
is=20
>excellent in the pub, all the student nurses are there, from Hampstead Roy=
al=20
>Free Hospital, (Paul, you should come up for lunch, one day you might find=
=20
>someone who is willing). A bowl of peanuts. And from the local Italian Del=
i,=20
>some of that Ciabatta bread with Mozzarella, Parma ham, and salad, =A32.50=
=2E=20
>Excellent.
lovely part of the world that, and it is true, there are some excellent nurses in the royal free.
Nic wrote:
are you all on a diet or are you just late lunching?=20
i had 1200000 things to do today so only been in for 30 mins. 2 peanut butter sandwiches, some crisps and a cup of black coffee.=20
i was going to have noodles but went to have a poo whilst they were cooking and the people i live with had used all the loo roll up as usual so i had to improvise. by the time i'd done that i got downstairs and the noodles had boiled dry and were smoking and black and charred. =20
i finished making simons shirt but had to re do a bit as i got all cocky and sewed a sleeve on to the head hole by mistake - it's actually VERY easy to do. so unless si mutated into elephant man and needed somewhere to put hus trunk i reckoned a re do was necessary.
exciting huh?
then i saw god coming out of the chemist up the road and before i could tell anyone i was set on fire by some squirrels with cockney accents. I thing they had a grudge against society.
=20
Date: Fri Jun 13 15:13:22 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: RE: I am the Ciabatta MAN
Content-Length: 1124
>>i was going to have noodles but went to have a poo whilst they were
>>cooking and the people i live with had used all the loo roll up as usual
>>so i had to improvise.
>
>Toilet improvisation.........the mind boggles.
Well, most SANE people would have left it at that. I'm not sure i'm comfortable with your mind boggling about what i do in the loo are you a complete raving mental lunatic headcase by any chance?
>
>Huh, I bet it was a page out of 'Big Girl's Blouse Weekly'
>or 'Stuntkite Special Monthly'.
>
>Was I right? Was I right?
>
I've never heard of these publications, but you seem to know a lot about them! You must be a pretty wierd lot in uxbridge!
>Gary
>
>
well, actually what i did was wipe it on my hands - then i went out and kept walking up to strangers in the street and insisting on shaking hands with them. I usually pick on people with long hair and/or sideburns because they are UNHYGENIC FREAKS, and SOAP DODGERS. I hope that my behaviour will shock them into washing properly. Not that theres anything unhygenic about poo as long as you eat a tablespoon of vim with every meal.
Date: Fri Jun 13 15:49:06 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: I am the Ciabatta MAN
Content-Length: 870
>
> At 15:08 13/06/97 +0100, Neil wrote:
> >>>i was going to have noodles but went to have a poo whilst they were
> >>>cooking and the people i live with had used all the loo roll up as usual
> >>>so i had to improvise.
> >>
> >>Toilet improvisation.........the mind boggles.
> >
> >Well, most SANE people would have left it at that. I'm not sure i'm
> >comfortable with your mind boggling about what i do in the loo
> >are you a complete raving mental lunatic headcase by any chance?
>
> Ha! Got you! According to 'Inside Insanity' the monthly journal
> on all things insane, the first sign of insanity is DENIAL.
No it isn't.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! haaaaaaaaaahahahahaahahahahaha!
hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!11
Did you here what i just said????!?!?!?! HAHAHAHA! Brilliant!
Coming soon: the classic, "are you deaf?" "What?"
Arf!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Date: Fri Jun 13 15:49:06 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: ZING! ZX Sadness abounds!
Content-Length: 512
Wahey! Just downloaded the PC version of classic ZX Spectrum "Why don't you go out and make some friends" comment-enducer, Lords of Midnight!
AND IT WORKS!!!
AANNDDDD!!!!!
IT LOOKS JUST LIKE IT USED TO!! BUT QUICKER!!
aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1
i'm so excited !!!!! OOooooh!!!!! I WAS going to go clubbing and beeeing groovy at a young people's discotheque after tonight's gig, but now i think i will GO HOME AND PLAY ON MY COMPUTER!!!! WAAAAAAHEY!!!
ping! isn't life great?
Date: Fri Jun 13 15:49:06 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: RE: I am the Ciabatta MAN
Content-Length: 1555
>>
>>Well, most SANE people would have left it at that. I'm not sure i'm
>>comfortable with your mind boggling about what i do in the loo
>>are you a complete raving mental lunatic headcase by any chance?
>
>Ha! Got you! According to 'Inside Insanity' the monthly journal
>on all things insane, the first sign of insanity is DENIAL.
Thats just plain silly. People who drag up that 'denial is the first sign of doing something' and think it's really clever are often just plain WRONG.
so you deny shagging dead vicars then? AHA! DEAD VICAR SHAGGER!!
you see? it's just the sort of thing a dysfunctional lunatic slightly west of london might come out with.
This is
>manifested by projection of one's own insanity onto other people.
>The victim will become obsessed with proving his or her sanity
>and may spell it out in CAPITAL LETTERS for extra emphasis.
>
I'm not bothered about whether people think I'm sane, are you? you seem rather OBSESSED.
>So mate, YOU'RE A FUCKING NUTTER!! Ha! Yes you are! >Us SANE people know all about you and what you get up to >in the toilet. It's so nice to be SANE and NORMAL and >MENTALLY HEALTHY.
YOU? NORMAL?!? you're a RAVING FRUITCAKE and you shag dead vicars! you just admitted it by default! in fact, thats why you deliberately didnt mention it because we'd all have been ON TO YOU if you'd had to deny it!! QED!
you are like a huge albatross that finds itself covered in pineapple yoghort mid way across the atlantic and doesnt even know why!
that's what YOU are like.
>
>Ha!
>
>Gary
>
Date: Fri Jun 13 16:46:40 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: WHAT they get UP TO in WEST LONDON
Content-Length: 12943
>> THE PEOPLE WITH HOLES IN THEIR HEADS
>>
>> Amanda Fielding lives in a charming flat looking over London's
>> river with her companion, Joey Mellen, and their infant son,
>> Rock. She is a successful painter, and she and Joey have an art
>> gallery in a fashionable street of the King's Road. Another of
>> her talents is for politics. At the last two General Elections
>> she stood for Parliament in Chelsea, more than doubling her vote
>> on the second occasion from 49 to 139. It does not sound much,
>> but the cause for which she stands is unfamiliar and lacks obvious
>> appeal. Fielding and her voters demand that trepanning operations
>> be made freely available on the National Health. Trepanation
>> means cutting a hole in your skull.
>>
>> The founder of the trepanation movement is a Dutch savant, Dr.
>> Bart Hughes. In 1962 he made a discovery which his followers
>> proclaim as the most significant in modern times. One's state
>> and degree of consciousness, he realized, are related to the
>> volume of blood in the brain. According to his theory of evolution,
>> the adoption of an upright stance brought certain benefits to the
>> human race, but it caused the flow of blood through the head to be
>> limited by gravity, thus reducing the range of human consciousness.
>> Certain parts of the brain ceased or reduced their functions while
>> others, particularly those parts relating to speech and reasoning,
>> became emphasized in compensation. One can redress the balance by
>> a number of methods, such as standing on one's head, jumping from
>> a hot bath into a cold one, or the use of drugs; but the wider
>> consciousness thus obtained is only temporary. Bart Hughes shared
>> the common goal of mystics and poets in all ages: he wanted to
>> achieve permanently the higher level of vision, which he associated
>> with an increased volume of blood in the capillaries of the brain.
>>
>> The higher state of mind he sought was that of childhood. Babies
>> are born with skulls unsealed, and it is not until one is an adult
>> that the bony carapace is formed which completely encloses the
>> membranes surrounding the brain and inhibits their pulsations in
>> response to heartbeats. In consequence, the adult loses touch with
>> the dreams, imagination and intense perceptions of the child. His
>> mental balance becomes upset by egoism and neuroses. To cure these
>> problems, first in himself and then for the whole world, Dr. Hughes
>> returned his cranium to something like the condition of infancy by
>> cutting out a small disc of bone with an electric drill.
>> Experiencing immediate beneficial effects from this operation, he
>> began preaching to anyone who would listen to the doctrine of
>> trepanation. By liberating his brain from its total imprisonment
>> in his skull, he claimed to have restored its pulsations, increased
>> the volume of blood in it and acquired a more complete, satisfying
>> state of consciousness than grown-up people normally enjoy. The
>> medical and legal authorities reacted to Hughes's discovery with
>> horror and rewarded him with a spell in a Dutch lunatic asylum.
>>
>> Joseph Mellen met Bart Hughes in 1965 in Ibiza and quickly became
>> his leading, or rather one and only, disciple. Years later he wrote
>> a book called _Bore Hole_, the contents of which are summarized in
>> its opening sentence: 'This is the story of how I came to drill a
>> hole in my skull to get permanently high.' . . . (a few paragraphs
>> detail Joseph Mellen's early experiments with LSD, and how he finds
>> out about Bart Hughes.) The time came when Joey felt he had preached
>> enough and that he now had to act. He did not agree with
>> Holingshead that the third eye was merely a figure of speech,
>> believing in its physical attainment through self-trepanation.
>> Support for this can be found in archaeology. Skulls of ancient
>> people all over the world give evidence that their owners were skill
>> fully trepanned during their lifetimes, and many of these appear to
>> have been of noble or priestly castes. The medical practice of
>> trepanation was continued up to the present century in treatment of
>> madness, the hole in the skull being seen as a way of relieving
>> pressure on the brain or letting out the devils that possessed it.
>> By his scientific explanation of the reasons for the operation, Bart
>> Hughes had removed it from the area of superstition, and Joey Mellen
>> proposed to be the second person to perform it on himself in the
>> interest of enlightenment.
>>
>> Bart had become a close friend of Amanda Fielding, and they went
>> off to Amsterdam together while Joey took care of Amanda's flat.
>> This was the opportunity he had been waiting for to bore a hole in
>> his head.
>>
>> The most gripping passages in _Bore Hole_ describe his various
>> attempts to complete the operation. They are also extremely gruesome,
>> and those who lack medical curiosity would do well to read no further.
>> Yet to those who might contemplate trepanation for and by themselves,
>> Joey's experiences are a salutary warning. It should be emphasized
>> that neither he, Bart nor Amanda has ever recommended people to
>> follow their example by performing their own operations. For years
>> they have been looking for doctors who would understand their theories
>> and would agree to trepan volunteer patients as a form of therapy.
>> Strangely enough, not one member of the medical profession has been
>> converted.
>>
>> In a surgical store Joey found a trepan instrument, a kind of auger
>> or cork-screw designed to be worked by hand. It was much cheaper and,
>> Joey felt, more sensitive than an electric drill. Its main feature was
>> a metal spike, surrounded by a ring of saw-teeth. The spike was meant
>> to be driven into the skull, holding the trepan steady until the
>> revolving saw made a groove, after which it could be retracted. If all
>> went well, the saw-band should remove a disc of bone and expose the
>> brain.
>>
>> Joey's first attempt at self-trepanation was a fiasco. He had no prev-
>> ious medical experience, and the needles he had bought for administering
>> a local anesthetic to the crown of his head proved to be too thin and
>> crumpled up or broke. Next day he obtained some stouter needles, took
>> a tab of LSD to steady his nerves and set to in earnest. First he made
>> an incision to the bone, and then applied the trepan to his bared skull.
>> But the first part of the operation, driving the spike into the bone,
>> was impossible to accomplish.
>>
>> Joey described it as like trying to uncork a bottle from the inside.
>> He realized he needed help and telephoned Bart in Amsterdam, who
>> promised he would come over and assist at the next operation. This
>> plan was frustrated by the Home Office, which listed Dr. Hughes as an
>> undesirable visitor to Britain and barred his entry.
>>
>> Amanda agreed to take his place. Soon after her return to London she
>> helped Joey reopen the wound in his head and, by pressing the trepan
>> with all her might against his skull, managed to get the spike to take
>> hold and the saw-teeth to bite. Joey then took over at cranking the
>> saw. Once again he had swallowed some LSD. After a long period of
>> sawing, just as he was about to break through, he suddenly fainted.
>> Amanda called an ambulance and he was taken to hospital, where horrified
>> doctors told him that he was lucky to be alive and that if he had
>> drilled a fraction of an inch further he would have killed himself.
>>
>> The psychiatrists took a particular interest in his case, and a group
>> of them arranged to examine him. Before this could be done, he had to
>> appear in court on a charge of possessing a small amount of cannabis.
>> The magistrate demanded another psychiatrist's report and demanded him
>> for a week in prison.
>>
>> There followed a period of embarrassment as the rumor went round
>> London that Joey Mellen had trepanned himself, whereas in fact he had
>> failed to do so. As soon as possible, therefore, he prepared for a third
>> attempt.
>>
>> Proceeding as before, but now with the benefit of experience, he soon
>> found the groove from the previous operation and began to saw through
>> the sliver of bone separating him from enlightenment or, as the doctors
>> had predicted, instant death. What followed is best quoted from _Bore
>> Hole_.
>>
>> 'After some time there was an ominous sounding schlurp and the sound
>> of bubbling. I drew the trepan out and the gurgling continued. It
>> sounded like air bubbles running under the skull as they were pressed
>> out. I looked at the trepan and there was a bit of bone in it. At
>> last! On closer inspection I saw that the disc of bone was much deeper
>> on one side than on the other. Obviously the trepan had not been
>> straight and had gone through at one point only, then the piece of bone
>> had snapped off and come out. I was reluctant to start drilling again
>> for fear of damaging the brain membranes with the deeper part while I
>> was cutting through the rest or of breaking off a splinter. If only I
>> had an electric drill it would have been so much simpler. Amanda was
>> sure I was through. There seemed no other explanation for the
>> schlurping noises I decided to call it a day. At the time I thought
>> that any hole would do, no matter what size. I bandaged up my head and
>> cleared away the mess.' There was still doubt in his mind as to whether
>> he had really broken through and, if so, whether the hole was big enough
>> to restore pulsation to his brain. The operation had left him with a
>> feeling of wellbeing, but he realized that it could simply be from
>> relief at having ended it. To put the matter beyond doubt, he decided
>> to bore another hole at a new spot just above the hairline, this time
>> using an electric drill. In the spring of 1970, Amanda was in America
>> and Joey did the operation alone. He applied the drill to his forehead,
>> but after half and hour's work the electric cable burnt out. Once again
>> he was frustrated. An engineer in the flat below him was able to repair
>> the instrument and next day he set out to finish the job. 'This time I
>> was not in any doubt. The drill head went at least an inch deep through
>> the hole. A great gush of blood followed my withdrawal of the drill. In
>> the mirror I could see the blood in the hole rising and falling with the
>> pulsation of the brain.'
>>
>> The result was all he had hoped for. During the next four hours he
>> felt his spirits rising higher until he reached a state of freedom and
>> serenity which he claims, has been with him ever since. For some time
>> now he had been sharing a flat with Amanda, and when she came back from
>> America she immediately noticed the change in him. This encouraged her
>> to join him on the mental plane by doing her own trepanation. The
>> operation was carefully recorded. She had obtained a cine-camera, and
>> Joey stood by, filming, as she attacked her head with an electric drill.
>> The film shows her carefully at work, dressed in a blood-spattered white
>> robe. She shaves her head, makes an incision in her head with a scalpel
>> and calmly starts drilling. Blood spurts as she penetrates the skull.
>> She lays aside the drill and with a triumphant smile advances towards
>> Joey and the camera.
>>
>> Ever since, Joey and Amanda have lived and worked together in
>> harmony. From the business of buying old prints to color and resell,
>> they have progressed to ownership of the Pigeonhole Gallery and seem
>> reasonably prosperous. They have also started a family. There is
>> nothing apparently abnormal about them, and many of their old friends
>> agree in finding them even more pleasant and contented since their
>> operations. There is plenty of leisure in their lives, mingled with the
>> kind of activities they most enjoy. These of course include talking and
>> writing about trepanation. They have lectured widely in Europe and
>> America to groups of doctors and other interested people, showing the
>> film of Amanda's self-operation, entitled _Heartbeat in the Brain_. It
>> is generally received with awe, the sight of blood often causing people
>> to faint. At one showing in London a film critic described the audience
>> 'dropping off their seats one by one like ripe plums'. Yet it was not
>> designed to be gruesome. The soundtrack is of soothing music, and the
>> surgical scenes alternate with some delightful motion studies of
>> Amanda's pet pigeon, Birdie, as a symbol of peace and wisdom."
HA HA!!! Cool huh?
>
Date: Mon Jun 16 09:53:30 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Me Me Me Me Me Me Me
Content-Length: 885
GGGGggggggggoooooooodd morning everyone, and what a lovely day it is tooo. I am HAPPY cos it's only a 3 day week for me! Noing!
Got a Pleasant Thing in the post on Saturday - yayce, it was the WHITE LABEL TEST PRESSING of *MY* single! Zing! Ptoing! I got all excited even tho i don't actually possess such luddite technology as is necessary to play it, and i so wanted to hear the other bands' songs on it ... no, really. It was even more exciting than being on a lighter.
I had a QUICHE for lunch yesterday, it was really gorgeous and hot. Mmmmm.
Good news for everyone who "missed" Voon on Friday - cunning persuasion and grappling with Ian The Promoter leads to us supporting Magoo & New Bad Things on Thursday, which is also MY BIRTHDAY. I will be 20, oooh, that's a big number.
I am in a GOOD MOOD today, so stay out of my way, mofo, cos i'm a comin' on thru. In the hood.
Date: Mon Jun 16 12:09:25 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: For Fuck's Sake!
Content-Length: 1526
Sorry this is not lunch related, but it provides an opportunity for me to let off steam...
FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!
A few months ago my boss came in. "Oh Mark! I have a special treat for you! I'm sending you off to summer school for a fortnight!"
Fair do's. thinks i, this is two weeks off work pissing about, yes? Got it sorted, invoices fly off, then the truth starts to dawn ...
It's at the University of Essex. In Colchester.
It's about statistics.
Abbey Park is slap bang in the middle weekend of the fortnight, necessitating a
long expensive train journey back home.
Oh well, i thought, should still not be too bad. Then today i received the brochure. I HAVE TO ENROL ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON!!!! THE FIRST LECTURE IS 6-8pm ON SATURDAY FUCKING NIGHT! FOLLOWED BY ____ALLL FUCKKKING DAYYY SUNDDAAYYYY DOING BLOODDDDYYYY MATTHHHSSS!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
*ah* that's better. When i went to france that was 3 days of Maths, and i was out of my brain with boredom, but this is 2 full weeks! NNNGG!!! To finally destroy any hint of a good mood i may have been in, the cheeky sods sent me a brochure called "Treat Yourself To Colchester", the highlight of which is this:
ESSEX SECRET BUNKER
This former Essex County Nuclear War HQ bunker has been preserved just as it was when released from the official secrets list.
That's the most exciting thing to do in Colchester. Pissing pissing bloody fuck.
Date: Mon Jun 16 12:30:08 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: For Fuck's Sake!
Content-Length: 2812
>A few months ago my boss came in. "Oh Mark! I have a special treat for you! I'm >sending you off to summer school for a fortnight!"
Bear in mind kids this is a grown ups summer school - this isnt the sort of thing tony blair is proposing for kids that cant read. Mark is actually very good at reading. He has a degree in it. He's also good at didcot and swindon.
>
>Fair do's. thinks i, this is two weeks off work pissing about, yes? Got it
>sorted, invoices fly off, then the truth starts to dawn ...
>
>It's at the University of Essex. In Colchester.
A charming place - 5 black tower blocks in the middle of a boggy marsh round the back of a mattress factory.
>It's about statistics.
>Abbey Park is slap bang in the middle weekend of the fortnight, necessitating a
>long expensive train journey back home.
>
Very long - might even be quicker to go via london. (why not tell work you have a dental appointment in leicester and see if they'll pay for it?)
>Oh well, i thought, should still not be too bad. Then today i received the
>brochure. I HAVE TO ENROL ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON!!!! THE FIRST LECTURE IS
>6-8pm ON SATURDAY FUCKING NIGHT! FOLLOWED BY ____ALLL FUCKKKING DAYYY
>SUNDDAAYYYY DOING BLOODDDDYYYY MATTHHHSSS!!!!
>
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>*ah* that's better. When i went to france that was 3 days of Maths, and i was
>out of my brain with boredom, but this is 2 full weeks! NNNGG!!! To finally
>destroy any hint of a good mood i may have been in, the cheeky sods sent me a
>brochure called "Treat Yourself To Colchester", the highlight of which is this:
>
trouble is the uni is about 5 miles out of town
>ESSEX SECRET BUNKER
>
>This former Essex County Nuclear War HQ bunker has been preserved just as it
>was when released from the official secrets list.
>
>
cool! rumour had it that they had an underground railway leading to it underneath the A12 from london. In any caseit was where Mrs Thatch was going to coordinate the complete destruction of the planet whilst the rest of us got fried on the surface.
The cold war! you remember what the cold war meant to you! that sounds like an interesting place to go.
>That's the most exciting thing to do in Colchester. Pissing pissing bloody
>fuck.
>
Theres an old bit of roman wall you can have a look at too. And some goths. a bit like york really.
there are some pretty good record shops in colchester too.
Go to Rowhedge! I stayed there on the boat for 3 days in the pissing rain once - it is a mad place. You could always go and see Blurs Nans house too.
good idea: BEACH!!
also you can catch a bus to west mersea and walk along the beach.
and its a great beach.
>
>
Date: Mon Jun 16 13:07:52 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: How to make concrete paving slabs EXPLODE!!
Content-Length: 1469
I was brazing two bicycle frames together yesterday, in order to build a huge 4 wheeled bicycle which will be used to transport equipment to gigs. It's going quite well, though I had to keep stopping due to rain.
Anyway, I'd stacked bricks round the part I was brazing (it helps to concentrate the heat) and I heard this huge POP!!!! which left my ears ringing. I felt that something had smammed into my face but didnt know what. Despite having goggles on I still couldnt really see, so turned off the torch and went up to the bathroom to watch the blood dripping down my face. I washed my eyes out with soap (brazing flux is VERY acidic and you dont want it on you for long) and went downstairs to investigate the damage.
There was a neat little 4 - 5 inch crater about an inch deep in the paving slab. What had happened was the slab had got wet, and I had heated the water in it to steam with the welding torch in a fraction of a second. This was enough to blow the top of the slab apart!!
Cool huh?
Date: Mon Jun 16 14:20:03 1997
From: "Larkin, Mj" <mj.larkin@ntu.ac.uk>
Subject: RE: SECRET BUNKER
Content-Length: 3794
When I was about 11 or 12 years old, I took part in an orchestrated
assault on the nuclear bunker which reputedly belonged to our local
aristocrat, Lord Guisborough. This finely-tuned operation took us the
best part of a day to co-ordinate. My mate Swinny and me went from house
to house on a recruitment drive, presenting our amazing plan to our
friends, in the style of the Magnificent Seven (we thought). We managed
to convince Graham Young to come with us, in the end I think. Some time
later he was to run away from home, leaving behind a note which
indicated that he was headed for the fantastically ambitious destination
of Porno Heaven: Amsterdam. He was no doubt traumatised by the dramatic
experiences which were to take place on our audacious raid. He got as
far as Whitby, actually, but then he ran out of busfare. But I digress -
there were definitely only three of us. We laughed at the turpitude and
cowardice of most our acquaintances, and all the while, as we stocked up
on chocolate at the shops, and as we raided Swinny's dad's garage for
tools, we fantasised about the hidden opulence of 'cool things' which we
felt certain we were about to uncover at Lord Guisborough's bunker. I
seem to remember anticipating a combination of red velvet curtains (or
is that Porno Heaven intruding again?) and lots of those big metal boxes
for storing ammunition full of ... well, full of things that our friends
would be very envious of, like erm, rations and vintage champagne, and
guns, and oh, I don't know.
Anyway, having mobilised our forces, obtained our supplies and
identified and obtained the equipment necessary for breaking into a
nuclear bunker (a large hammer, a torch, a screwdriver, a pair of
pliers, and, of course, one 'black widow' catapult, if you ever need to
know) we set off. It was about a forty minute walk, and I swear my legs
shook all the way there, I was THAT excited (if only it was still so
easy...) When we got there, we implemented our carefully formulated
plan, hiding in the undergrowth at the bunker's entrance, while Swinny,
our experienced super-criminal (it was HIS 'black widow') attempted to
pick the padlock with our secret weapon - Swinny's brother's
'skellington keys' (I can't tell you how mythical and potent these
objects were, or how much risk was involved in their unauthorised
removal from Swinny's brother's Meat-Loaf-palace of a bedroom). After a
few tense minutes of this, Swinny's legendary impatience rose to the
surface and we were forced to adopt a more direct approach, which fell
more in line with his own intentions. Graham and me stood anxiously on
look-out, on top of the bunker, while down below, in the undergrowth,
Swinny brayed seven layers of shit out of the door, with the hammer,
screwdriver, and his hands and feet, in a violent fit of frustration and
rage. I seem to remember that, sadly, the screwdriver was 'lost in
action' at about this time. There followed a brief interlude, during
which we hid in the bushes from a curious farmer, obviously alerted by
the furious racket, and tried to persuade Swinny not to demonstrate the
effectiveness of his catapult, which would have undoubtedly blown our
spurious cover (and we could both vouch for its effectiveness, anywayas
Swinny was somewhat fickle with his loyalties...). Our second assault
on the lock was considerably more successful - we sacrificed vigilance
for brute force, and all three of us kicked fuck out of the door until
it - rather than the lock, I think - eventually gave way. We peered into
the gloom, and tried to identify the humming, alien shapes lurking at
the back of the bunker. We flicked on the torch, to reveal the prosaic
machinery of an electrical sub-station. One of the biggest
disappointments of my life, I'm sad to say.
>----------
>
Date: Mon Jun 16 15:29:30 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: this place is pretty reasonable and has some nice stuff - have a look
Content-Length: 41
http://www.winecellar.co.uk
Date: Mon Jun 16 15:35:14 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Parties/A Lovely Story/Bloody Foreigners
Content-Length: 800
> and the back garden of the party i went to sat night /pix/pool.jpg
Why do i never get to go to that sort of party? RHETORICAL QUESTION.
Wasn't Michael's story lovely. Ahhh, i feel all warm inside. Me and my brother once found the rotting corpse of a seal on Cromer beach, but that's really not the same at all is it?
The French must DIE. I am trying to get them (not all of them, just some of them) to email me a report. They send it to me in Some Weird French Mac format. I ring up and say "Send it to me the normal way! This does not work." They say "Ah, oui", and sent it to me again in Some Weird French Mac format, but with a slightly different name. This has now happened 8 times today, and if they do it again i'm going to get on that tunnel and go and do them over.
Not a good day.
Date: Mon Jun 16 15:35:15 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: The Bigger The Tail
Content-Length: 633
Nic said:
> Supported by the ever able TBTG however, they stole the show. They > played a blisteringly good set, they even did the one where Andy does > some singing/speaking. Anyway they were ACE and their singer's voice > just gets better and better. I must go and buy some of their stuff ASAP.
I listened to "Variety" again at the weekend, for the first time in a while. It's really good. So much so, in fact, that Boyzone stole the cover concept for their own album.
> P.S. that guy on the bass was quite good as well, although he had a > strangely shiny shirt on :)
Shiny shirts make you shweat. It's true.
Cheers,
Mark
Date: Mon Jun 16 15:35:15 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Industrial accidents are amusing and cool, and cuddly.
Content-Length: 1186
>
we like explosions! loud shots from the big SPUD GUN
>btw - i notice i wasnt the only who noticed the inherent irony of someone >at a engineering uni blowing up things by mistake.....AND thinking it was >cool.....
aaah - that's because you are a lay person. those of us in the profession appreciate the fun that can be had from industrial accidents. offices? dull dull dull. wheres the 415 volt mains cables trailing through puddles? wheres the bottles of acetylene left standing in the sunshine? wheres the measuring lasers that can blind you instantly? the x ray machines that can go through 6 inches of steel and would kill you with radiation burns? no fun for me in an office i'm afraid.
it's good here in the lab. Danger Lurks!! YES!!
you dont set out to blow things up deliberately tho. - that spoils all the fun - what you must do is ensure that your working envirinment is so dangerous that you never know what fun and excitement lies around the corner.
health and safety is for wimps.
>
>hmmmm......
>
>
>
AArrgghhh!! Eeeeek!! NuRRRRRRRRR!!
BANG!! Flash! VladaBOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!
SCREEECCHH!!!
ner! ner! ner! ner!! (that was a fire engine)
>
>
>
Date: Mon Jun 16 16:17:48 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Pants, Concrete, Badgers, and Hangliding
Content-Length: 970
>>I found a dead pigeon
cool - how did you cook it?
> in Kim's
who was that younger woman out with kim last night? she looked a bit like kim, only not quite as much. We thougth she must be an apprentice kim, a sort of YTS Kim.
chimney yesterday. How about THAT then?
>
>?
>Is this some sort of dirty sexual code for something. Come on Michael, we're
>men and women of the world, you can tell us what you were _really_ doing up
>Kim's er, "chimney" yesterday.
>
>Was it your "dead pigeon"?
Talking of dead pigeons, which are dead cool and i want a jacket made of rotting pidgeon corpses, I had a go at something else that involves organic decay this weekend.
I MADE SOME CHEESE!
Using the dilligent yoghort straining technique I mentioned last week. It comes out a bit like philadelphia.
Lunch: I had two of my delicious home made vegan cornish pasties, some crisps and a kit kat.
and a mug of orange squash. with part of a cats head rammed in it.
Date: Mon Jun 16 17:28:50 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Pants, Concrete, Badgers, and Hangliding
Content-Length: 576
>>
>> Using the dilligent yoghort straining technique I mentioned last week.
>> It comes out a bit like philadelphia.
>
>have you ever noticed how the word philadelphia is a lot like
>peadophilia. I think they are somehow linked. It's along the same lines
>as librarians=lesbians but much ruder. I think I've been working too
>hard...
>
Braisingsteak = Basingstoke
JimiHendrixExperience = LemonZestALayStance
BOING! = NING!
Heating Element = Greetings, Elephant!
Cangrha Fofus = Camedra Hnofus!!
Arse Toilet = Sparse Roin U let!!
HA HA H AHA H AH AH HA!!!!
Date: Tue Jun 17 09:52:41 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: French Gits Update!
Content-Length: 913
Wahey! HAHA! Got in this morning to find our network has BROKEN due to a power cut in the night - no posh email, no network programs, no Nice WIndows no NOTHING! In fact, just about the only thing still working is IRIX and our old fashioned victorian department network, hence i can email ...
Normally everyone says "Oh dear, how annoying" and tries really hard to look upset, but today i thought "For fuck's sake! [slight return] How on earth am i going to sort out this bloody email thing NOW?"
I've just sent them a fax. "Our entire computer system has crashed - no email (OK, i fibbed), network or any computer systems, so i'm afraid you're going to have to fax the [40 page] report after all..."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
FREE!!!
God bless the elements and their computo-destructive powers!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in a good mood again now. Zing!
Date: Tue Jun 17 10:02:51 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Ants, PongSheet, Tadgers, and Meringuesliding
Content-Length: 187
Gary Gilchrist - Alanis is Shite
Nice Guy Pauly - Spiced and Oily
Nicholas Pillinger - Pickles'll injure yer
Michael Larkin - Pieclet Parking (one for the Northerners)
PAra-rhymes ...
Date: Tue Jun 17 11:06:50 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: I've got a big throbbing one
Content-Length: 605
>thats funny coz so have I.... uh I got into work at 10.00 this morning
>oh well only an hour and a half late. LUNCH is off today because I'd
>chuck it up all over my desk......
>
health bit
d'you have a sore throat and a light headed feeling by any chance?
worky bit
the honeymoon with windows 95 is now OVER - i'm uninstalling itright now. It is CRAP!! it managed to lose so much stuff you could use it as a sort of virtual shredder! It's as much use as the proverbial trucload of dead rats in a tampax factory!!
lunch
vegan pasties again - recipie forthcoming, and half a bottle of aspirins
Date: Tue Jun 17 11:32:09 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: I've got a big throbbing one
Content-Length: 917
La-di-da London Pauly asks:
> Why is it only mails from Mark that are getting through? >
Lucky sod. I'm still getting everyone else's.
Today saw a triumphant return to Philadelphia sandwiches, but this time it was Philadelphia Lite, not that i need it hem hem i am but a wisp of a boy oh yes.
New Potatoes: A Good Thing? I am not sure. I like Old Potatoes cos you can either put them in an OVEN and let them get on with baking themselves, or go at them with a machete to peel the skin off (or be v.modern and just rinse them). New potatoes are lovely and grace any plate with their sublime elegance, but are a right pain in the arse to do all that tedious scraping with. Grr.
Forthcoming Lunch News: On my BIRTHDAY i'm having the day off and having a Special Lunch at the Ox. Well, chips, but at no point will cheese (cottage or otherwise), marmite or jam be making an experience. Eeeeh, i'm all excited.
Date: Tue Jun 17 12:03:43 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Coley
Content-Length: 561
I think a coley is a kind of fish. I don't know though.
BBBBBbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiing!
Just got an email from My Old Mate Robin, who i'm going to Glastonbury with, as well as My Old Mate Mileage. Robin works for NATO as a Missile Designer (true!) and is thus LOADED. He's offered to buy some FAGS and BOOZE with him!!
Ning! Zing! Ting! Wahey! It's only a weeeek to go, and i'm all excited!
just looked at my diary and is full of EXCITING THINGS, so my moood has returned to it's more usual Vigorous and Over-Excited manner.
Noing!
Date: Tue Jun 17 12:13:54 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Now that's just plain silly
Content-Length: 1257
It's like those diesel land rover discoveries with the small 'i' on the back bumper, such that it reads 'Tdi'. Now anyone that knows anything at all about diesel engines would know that it is impossible to build one without fuel injection. So WHY!?!? It's like having a big sticker on your car saying 'Turbo, and fitted with WHEELS' AARRGGHH!!!! How many spastic retards are taken in by this???
How many raving idiots think they have some special sort of veichle for 15000 pounds that is the same as any other?? GNNNN!!!
And then we come to the SINISTER plot to take in people that are unsuspecting::
> Beef Curry with Coriander, Cumin Tumeric and Chillis
AAARGGHH!! These are the BASIC INGREDIENTS OF CURRY!!!! It'd be a pretty bloody bland curry without these spices, In fact it wouldnt be a curry at all!!
Is the populace so ignorant that canteen management can get away with this????
It's like saying 'PAN FRIED' well, what the pissin well else do tyou fry things in? A sharks armpit??? And dont say a wok - no self respecting chinese restaraunt would have 'WOK FRIED' on the menu because theyre sensible enough to know it's Bleeding Obvious!!!
NNNNNNNN!N!N!!!!!
This isnt me talking, my HUGE INFLAMED TONSILS have taken over my brain/.
Date: Tue Jun 17 12:32:32 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: I've got a big throbbing one
Content-Length: 844
>
>q2: my evening was nice. Actually it was fucking amazing. Best night out
>I've had in years. AND what's more I just remembered something else that
>happened last night that I bet you forgot. That young lass in the red
>asked if we were in a band and we said YES - she went on to quiz us both
>about what band we were in and how famous we were. We ignored all these
>questions and thus she believed we really were famous and hence wanted
>to get in our pants. Cool. Mate - they couldn't get enough of us.
Prepsterous Tales!
Now Then, Now Then,
> They fair wore me out. And then, right, I got kidnapped by aliens on the
>way home, and I once flew to Amsterdam, to start a riot, and I once had a
>shower with two American girls, and I've won every game of Trivial
>Pursuits I've ever played.
>
Aww. Come of it Ken, That's Preposterous!
Date: Tue Jun 17 13:32:50 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Anyone got any photos of woodworking machinery?
Content-Length: 184
Very discreet, all replies treated in strictest confidence, top prices paid.
Send off for our latest publication 'Hot Russian Lathe Operators in Skimpy but Functional Knitwear'
Date: Tue Jun 17 14:34:32 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Anyone got any photos of woodworking machinery?
Content-Length: 666
Suddenly, Julie:
> I've not got long in this world
> I'm going to have to <sniff> leave you soon
> i'dl oh I'm sorry, the tears were clouding over my eyes there - but
> don't weep for me, be brave and remember, I go to a far far better
> place where the angels and lambs frolic with the. . .er. . .butterflies,
> and the sun is always shining in the blue skies and the rivers. . .
> oh, you know, all that stuff.
> Yes I'm finishing in college soon and. . .
> well I suppose I'll be on the dole for a bit, until I'm a pop star.
>
Gosh, have they reformed the system then? I thought you were only allowed to claim for three years before they make you take a job?
Date: Wed Jun 18 08:39:41 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: anyone still there?
Content-Length: 220
WWW is being a chunk of crud - must be all those americans slowing it down. sitting here with fucking tonsillitis feeling like death waiting for a print job.
someone PLEASE tell me something nice to cheer me up!!
Date: Thu Jun 19 09:07:57 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: Lunch Prediction
Content-Length: 569
Hi kids ... i'm not at work tomorrow (thursday), which may well be today (thursday) when you see this, so my lunch prediction is SPECIAL!
Omlette! Chips! BEEEEER!!!! Hooray! It's my BIRTHDAY so am going to the PUB!!!
And i'm all excited about Glastonbury toooo....
Oh, and Leicester people, we're still meant to be supporting Magoo at the Physio tomorrow (thursday), and will be on EARLY (Iantime:8.30ish) so you can happily see Magoo and not be troubled by dark thoughts of Voon if you turn up later...
I'm going to grow a BEARD at Glastonbury. I've decided.
Date: Fri Jun 20 12:11:08 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Lunch Prediction
Content-Length: 1527
>
>Omlette! Chips! BEEEEER!!!! Hooray! It's my BIRTHDAY so am going to the PUB!!!
>
He wasnt wrong either. I had a stilton cob and chips. Paul came down, and put a bet on for Mark on the horses, and we had a beer Then I went home and collapsed because I was still very unwell.
The gig was excellent last night, enabling me to sweat out the last of my tonsillitis as well. The microphone I used didnt get used by teh nice american band, as I told Dan teh soundman that it might be a bit claggy. But then the awful shite grunge band that was on afterwards seemedn to be using it. I didnt feel that much guilt as they were bloody awful, and deserved to catch rabies.
Mark got completely squiffy, and said the same things 10000 times on the way home, so we could tell he was in a good mood.
It's PISSING it down out there.
flat update: I'm getting a fridge, cooker, 3 piece suite, big desk, easy chair, double bed, kitchen table, all for 10 pounds!
i collect the keys on monday.
HEY! london types! guess what my rent is? 37.10 a week! The living room is about 18 by 20 feet, the bedroom is about 15x18, the kitchen is big enough for a table to seat 3 as well as all other stuff, theres a walk in larder, a huge cellar which i will use as a lab, and my flat gets the back garden!!
and free parking! and it's 5 minute walk from the park, and 5 minutes from town!!!
HA HA HA HA!!!
Boing! Boing!!
ok - lunch is a cold tuna toastie and a tin of 7 up. and a roast dolphin smeared with crushed weetabix.
Date: Fri Jun 20 13:22:02 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[2]: Lunch Prediction
Content-Length: 115
I've posted a picture of my new flat on the WWW. Take a look!
http://www.iinet.net.au/~cam/nt/linc/beltons.jpg
Date: Fri Jun 20 13:43:16 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[2]: Lunch Prediction
Content-Length: 912
>>
>>I've posted a picture of my new flat on the WWW. Take a look!
>>
>>http://www.iinet.net.au/~cam/nt/linc/beltons.jpg
>
>Take a look!? Ha! I'd rather douse my naked, nubile young
>frame in vinegar and run down the street screaming
>'LICK ME, I'M CHEESE & ONION FLAVOURED!'
>
>Oh yes.
>
Oh go on! Have a look at my new flat! Go on! it's nice! It's ever such a nice flat, and it wants to say 'hello!'. It's a friendly flat! It wants you to see it!
Ahhh yes.
now, LOOK AT MY SODDING FLAT BEFORE I GET ANGRY AND CUT YOUR FACE WITH A KNIFE!!!!!
oh go on! it's a nice flat! it loves you! it's ever so welcoming! I Love you too!
LOOK! JUST LOOK AT IT OR I WILL HAVE TO HURT YOU!!!!!!
ahh yes. home sweet home. why not drop in for a cup of tea? there. would you like a biscuit?
I'm your welcoming host! Here. have one of these nice digestives..
WHY THE FUCK NOT!? LOOK. JUST STOP STARING AT ME!!
Date: Fri Jun 20 14:53:41 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Lunch Prediction
Content-Length: 664
On Fri, 20 Jun 1997, Nic Pillinger wrote:
>http://geocities.datacellar.net/SunsetStrip/1754
>
>so Brown - what's yer plans for Glastonbury - how you getting there and
>stuff ? when are you going down? How big is your tent?
>
i'm not going! it's so unfair! i could have gone if my moving date was flexible but my landlord is a dim retard who doesnt know how to extend the contract so i have to be out by monday 30th. I get the keys for the new flat this week coming, but when the tickets were still on sale they reckoned i'fd get the keys on the saturday 28th, so i didnt get a ticket!
aaaarrrggghh!!!
is there not a triple fence? i'd still go if it was a double
Date: Fri Jun 20 15:08:57 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[4]: Lunch Prediction
Content-Length: 1130
> I've seen your flat, and it looks smaller than my room, and it's > clearly further from the only places worth going too (ie the Garage, > The Engine Rooms, Bar Vinyl, The Falcon, The Monarch, and everywhere > else that's in London...
where does he live then? somewhere like wimbledon?
>
> HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHA
>
> For lunch today I had 2 pints of Becks, can you tell?
>
> Pauly
>
> Gary isn't cheese and onion flavoured, he's radiohead flavoured.
>
>
that sounds like a great life - living in a shoebox that costs a million quid, breathing in smog and spending 2.60 on a pint, then going home and listening to
'HHHNNNNNNN!!! WHINGE WHINGEEEEE!!! WHINEEEEE!!! DREEEAARRR!!!!!!
FFAAAAKKE PLASSSTIC IRON LUUUNNNGG!!! I WISHHH II WASS SPECIALLL!!!!
BAWL!!!!
DESSSPONDENNNNTTT!!! DOOOMMM!!!!'
and heres me with me pound a pint bitter, getting ready to live in a bleeding aircraft hanger what you could build 747's in, and not a radiohead record in sight!
no wonder statistically the most cheerful people live in the midlands!
>
>
Date: Fri Jun 20 15:56:23 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: some country folklore and a GOOD JOKE what i just wrote
Content-Length: 1550
Horseshoes are supposed to be lucky!? Don't give me that.
Old Bob in our village, well his grandad was killed when 2 tons of horseshoes landed on his head when they fell out of a cargo plane!!
anyway, after that sad tale, heres a joke to cheer you up!
Theres this old bloke right, and he's driving through the woods and he sees this deer by the side of the road, it's been hit by a lorry. so he wraps the deer up in a blanket and takes it to the pDSA where the vet fixes it's leg. anyway, he takes it home and it lives in his back garden, and after it's better he decides he ought to return the deer to the wild. so he takes the deer to the same place where he found it and sets it free! he goes home and thinks no more about it until he sees a rabbit by the side of the road thats been injured. he rescues the rabbit in the same way, takes it to the vet and returns the happy bunny to the woods. then, as he's driving through the woods some 3 years later, he sees the deer and the rabbit by the side of the road. he parks the car, and decides to follow them into the woods and see how they are. he sees them through the trees and they trot up to him and he gives them both a hug. He's really happy to see his woodland friends are looking so well, so he gives them one more pat, and turns round to walk back to his car. then he feels a stabbing pain. - he has a MASSIVE blood clot in the main artery to his heart and keels over, thrashing about on the forest floor in agony, and dies a really painful death!!
HA HA HA HA HA H AH AHA HA!!!
Date: Fri Jun 20 16:26:11 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: OI! WHAT ABOUT MY JOKE THEN??
Content-Length: 50
WRITE BACK TO ME AND TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME!!
Date: Fri Jun 20 16:49:22 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: OI! WHAT ABOUT MY JOKE THEN??
Content-Length: 517
>
> It's funnier when you try and not be mad.
>
> LOOOOOONNENENENENENENEEEYEYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
>
I dont TRY and be like anything! I happen to think it is a genuinely hysterical joke! I do what ever the mood takes me. none of it is put on. I mean I could wake up one morning and find I was a rabid vegan ginger fruitcake. god forbid! you never know!
Or even worse! I could find that I own a radiohead record!! AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!!
I'm having some BRILLIANT arguements on loaded. such fun.
Date: Fri Jun 20 16:58:08 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: OI! WHAT ABOUT MY JOKE THEN??
Content-Length: 341
It was a good joke! It was from the heart! It was not intended to be strange! It was a heart rending story with a funny ending!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL?
All that smog and lead pollution has dulled your sense of humour!
That and Not Being able to rent a huge flat for 37 quid!! Ahh, you london types eh!!
HA HA HA HA HA!!
Date: Fri Jun 20 17:05:23 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Re[4]: Lunch Prediction
Content-Length: 1207
>> though wouldn't you?
>
>LICK ME I'M CHEESE & ONION FLAVOURED!
>
>Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ahahahahahhahahahahahhahah!
>
>BANANA FRITTERS! Ha! Ha hahahahhahahahahha!
>
>STOP TELLING ME TO KILL THEM, PLEASE!!!
>
>I WON'T DO IT. I WON'T!!!
>
>NEIL, SEND HELP NOW!
>
Now look, just Calm Down. Heres a mantra which I've been working on. You might like to recite it in times of stress.
Rotary machining is extensively used for planing and moulding operations within the woodworking industry. Although the surface form produced by this machining method is acceptable, the rotary machining action produces cutter marks on the wood surface such that further finishing operations, such as sanding are often required to generate a product of acceptable standard. It has been theorised that the surface finish of planed and moulded timber products may be improved by oscillation of the cutter block. This paper describes the use of a rapid surface simulation algorithm to predict surface finish, and simulation and testing of the effectiveness of cutterblock oscillation. The results show the effectiveness of both the simulation algorithm and the use of cutterblock oscillation.
Feeling better now?
Date: Fri Jun 20 17:19:30 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: OI! WHAT ABOUT MY JOKE THEN??
Content-Length: 1439
>
>I thought it was great although it did tail off towards the end. A few
>more cutsie fluffly bunnies and things and it'd make the perfect bedtime
>story.
I thought it highlighted a major health problem!
Heres a shorty
Q whats big and ugly and corrupt and hassles the kids?
A The GOVERNMENT!
yeah! right onnn bruvvers and sisterrrs!!!
>
>>
>> If it rains at Glasters I'm going to be off my tits on narcotics anyway so
>> I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!
>
I'll be indoors, parking 747's in my new flat, which is so big it'll have it's own weather.
>and neither do we Gary :)
>
>So Neil is this new flat your marital home for you and Mark?
No, it's my martial home, where all will be governed by martial law! there will be military marching music ONLY played on the stereo, kit inspections every 30 minutes, and lots of cold showers. I will turn the back garden into a parade ground and get up at 5.30 a.m on cold winter mornings to run around it in the snow. Dammed healthy WHAT!
OI! Stop doing that and pay attention!!!
> I take it
>the honeymoon went well?
>
Yes. We spent it in a disused pill box by the coast, where we installed a 30mm cannon and an ACK ACK gun so that we could defend the realm if any bloody foreigners deciced to invade old blighty!
QUEEEEKK MARCHHH!!!!!
>Nic
>
Dammed bad form to be so informal chap. This isnt the officers mess what!
ATTENnnnnn SHIUNNN!!
Lt Colnel Barrington Ringbinder LFO, VCO
Date: Mon Jun 23 08:48:59 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: OI! WHAT ABOUT MY JOKE THEN??
Content-Length: 98
>
>er thats it - and the joke was shit btw....
>
>
>
come up with a better one then, git face.
Date: Mon Jun 23 11:27:09 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: It's me
Content-Length: 2293
Hello young people, it is i and i, and i am back from a BIG weekend, which i shall now tell you ALL ABOUT and thus spread a little happiness around.
We played a gig on Thursday night, and it was brilliant. We were brilliant, the New Bad Things were brilliant, lots of people bought me beer, which was brilliant, and several Strange People kissed me and gave me Odd Presents, which was also brilliant. I love Americans, they're my favourite. John Sims wrote me a special song, which was lovely and gorgeous, and Dave gave me a TWO HOUR long tape of Yoko Ono, which was Nice of him.
What a lovely birthday. For LUNCH i had Omlette and chips, and recieved the gift of a betting slip, which was brilliant too.
On Friday i received my Silk Cut Tokens Wine Cooling Thing, AND uk-indie t-shirt, so i can combine sophistication with looking like an WUSS in a field. Cool. Went to the pub, spoke with My Colleagues, but spoiled it rather by going to The Tube Bar, our local cakey old music club, which was a bit poo.
On Saturday (isn't this interesting?) i AVOIDED going to a Young Professionals Barbecue (Neil went and says i was wise not to, didn't you dear?) and trawled round pubs Being Friends With The Landlord in the Mag, ended up in the Ox talking to The Lazarus Clamp Lot, who are terribly nice people, except that smelly wee-hole Michael, who is a girl. Suddenly someone (what is her name, Michale dear?) suddenly revealed she knew of me and Si's SECRET PAST in amateur dramatics and folk-bands, and proceeded to go on about it for ages, thus completetely SCARING THE LIVING SHIT out of me. Unfortunately she must thus die, lest she pass her knowledge on to others.
On Sunday my LONDON RECORD COMPANY told me i've got to do a greatest Hits (ho!) compliation to go with MY SINGLE, and asked if i'd mind doing a gig! Noing! In London! Noing! Wee James came round to play BASS in my new band, and said things like "Let's do that one again" and "No, let's not have a fag break, let's do another song" and "That one's good isn't it?" which was completely WEIRD, but great. And then we went to the pub.
What a lovely weekend. And now i'm back at work, full of people saying "Are you taking your wellies to Glastonbury?" as if it's THE most hilarious thing anybody has ever said ever. Gits.
Date: Mon Jun 23 12:24:14 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: FASHION (& me showing off)
Content-Length: 1109
> Here's an exciting thing (not as exciting as mark's big weekend, hmmm, > am dram AND folk you say...), I've not washed my hair* for more than a > month now, how cool is that?
Aha! So you're going for the rastafari look for Glastonbury then? I hear it's very groovy with the Kids.
My beard will be a thing of wonder, as before your eyes i transform into a seventies serial killer. Groovy. Last time i had one i showed v bad timing by shaving it off _before_ joining a folk band. AND i wore a cardigan, truly i was not a pleasant sight. Unlike now, obviously. It was a v long time ago.
Oh, and re. mentioned barbecue party, have to apologise to Chris here cos was showing off - i _did_ start out to go but it RAINED all the way there, and was avoiding going from 9.30pm when i'd got as far as the pub and didn't want to go further... i did feel really guilty tho, and now do more so. Sorry Chris. Yr barbecues are lovely and i prostrate myself before your Wrathful Griddle.
Marmite Sandwiches today. After the thrills of cottage cheese, simple marmite holds no joy for me anymore.
Date: Mon Jun 23 12:41:33 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: MY NEW FLAT
Content-Length: 557
just got the keys this morning! yip! london types, is it raining there like cats and dogs?
spent yesterday painting a roofrack. aaarggh! had to keep running inside and getting bin liners to shield it from the elements.
still, i now have a nice smart roof rack on which i can precariously balance boxes and things.
lunch today is undecided. going the mile and a half across campus with big rich in search of CHIPS. (all the regular canteens are shut for the summer apart from the big expensive staff ones and the student union cheap chip emporium)
Date: Mon Jun 23 14:53:58 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Oasis Hate Club!
Content-Length: 254
I'm going to start an anti oasis page on geocities. anyone got any ideas, html advice, e.t.c to contribute to the cause is welcome.
THEY MUST DIE!!
Mark Chapman got the wrong bloke! why oh why couldnt he settle for the pudgy dirging lookalike?
Date: Mon Jun 23 15:28:38 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Oasis Hate Club!
Content-Length: 475
>band - and think that the new single is.. er tops....
YES! and may I say the new single released by Loughborough University is excellent and I love it.
Company loyalty is a good thing ade dear, there is no need to be asghamed., look what it does for the economies of the pacific rim economies!
But do bear in mind that Tamazapam is cheaper than Oasis records and can actually put you into a coma faster! Much better value.
Love and bubbles,
Neily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Mon Jun 23 15:44:02 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Oasis Hate Club!
Content-Length: 883
>
>hmmm yes and I wonder why? adrian_harris@sonymusic.com ????
>you are in the EVIL EMPLOY OF THE MAN.
>
>of course you like OASIS you have been BRAIN WASHED
>chuck in the job before it's too late.....
>
we must help Adrian through this difficult period. We must kidnap him from Sony and take him to a safe house to be deprogrammed. By now they've got him selling flowers in airports - it's not long before the whole of sony music has a mass suicide so's they can all ascend into space and live in the tail of the comet.
These cults are terrifying. They break up families. Young people are tricked into giving up thier lives for mainiacs that make them stay up late and chant along to thier mournfull brain emptying religious dirge like rantings!
all my people right here right now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah know what i mean.
Bloody hell. It's scary. It's like waco texas.
Date: Tue Jun 24 14:12:32 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: All The News
Content-Length: 681
Hey Kids! The Gorgeous Nigel's put the *exciting* new Sorted pages on, what i did last night while trying not to squeal with excitement... as per they are dead good, lots of stuff about Abbey Park (like the running order, times & stuff) and the single tooo.... there's also (oh the excitement!) several updates on the Voon pages (including the NEW issue of Voon News, which has quite a lot to say for itself) AND, finally, an updated Council Page tooooo.
Is good, and i should know. Just thought i'd mention it cos the Clapometer's about to tip over the 500 mark! Wahey! and only about 300 of them were me!
Is at: http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/town/estate/nigel.t/sorted.htm
Date: Tue Jun 24 14:12:32 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: grapefruit squash!
Content-Length: 1719
spent all bloody day looking for rob yesterday and now i cant get rid of him! get out of the lab rob! because I've got
tescos french stick with cottage cheese and pineapple.
also!!! also!! I managed to get hold of some
GRAPEFRUIT SQUASH!!! YAYYYYYYYY!!!!
so pleased was I that I bought two bottles. I looked for it all winter and spring and came to the conclusion that you couldnt gert it anymore, then tescos started doing it!!! HOOORRRAAAYYY!!!!!
GRAPEFRUIT SQUASH FRENZY!!!!!! YIP!! NINNNGGGGGGG!!!!
a song!!
grapefruit squash! it's top notch!! it refreshes you like no other squash can do
you drink it with your lunch you can drink it with your tea you can drink it in a van you can drink it with your nan
grapefruit squash!! it's top notch!! so come on baby quaff a pint of grapefruit squash!!!
i got so carried away i got 2, yes 2!! bottles!!! yayyyyyy!!!!
here are some GRAPEFRUIT SQUASH FACTS::
places I have drank grapefruit squash in:
2 clifton road, loughton, essex 45 derby rd, south woodford, london E18 canvey island appledurcombe campsite, isle of wight.
people i would not tell about grapefruit squash:
poll pot moira hindley terry christian
strenuous activities that are best followed by a glass of grapefruit squash::
cutting someones leg off because they like ocean colour scene, putting it in the freezer till it's frozen, then bludgeoning them to death with thier own frozen leg.
driving round ramming cars with 'baby on board' stickers and then dragging the occupants out of the cars and nailing omelettes to thier faces before running off into the trees and covering our naked bodies with mud and catching squirrels and roasting them over an open fire!!
Date: Tue Jun 24 14:20:11 1997
From: "M.J. Hibbett" <mjh18@leicester.ac.uk>
Subject: A Tale of Lunch
Content-Length: 746
Hello you ker-razy kids. A STRANGE THING just happened.
Tomorrow i go to Glastonbury with two of the three people i've properly kept in touch with since school. Half an hour ago, in town, i bumped into Scotty, the third one! Gosh, i was spooked. Haven't seen him for ages, so i told him about going to Glastonbury HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! He was dead jealous.
Big old excited lunch today, including:
1.5 Cheese Sandwiches
A Mr Kiplings iced tart
A Pint of BEER
A Dime Bar
Country Pear Flavour Posh Water
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNning! Aren't Dime Bar's brilliant? They're choclatey on the outside, yet crunchy on the inside!!! What a great thing!
I also bought a ball of string for tying things up with. It's going to be a knottastic weekend.
Cheers,
Mark
Date: Wed Jun 25 14:08:26 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Oasis Hate Club!
Content-Length: 716
Todays offerings are still coming in. This one I got back from someone on angst::
If you think they ought to be burned at the stake, pleased to meet ya
In Reply to: Do you hate Oasis? posted by f p v on June 25, 1997 at 13:40:42:
taken out shot, hung drawn and quatred, lashed to a tree, diced into bite side pieces and eaten with a nice side salad.......no, on second thoughts i wouldn't be able to keep them down the thought of it gives me indigestion .....shoot anyone connected to them... bring back the birch and corporal punishment . pass me the jelly babies i feel like some decapatation no, 'fraid they don't tickle my fancies either.
getting there..
WWW oasis hate page will be on geocities soon!
Date: Wed Jun 25 15:25:53 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Urgent, re: glasto
Content-Length: 475
i got enough back pay coming on friday for the gasoline if all goes to plan, and arriving in the dark trying not to look shifty until CUNNING PLAN takes effect.
so you'll all be camping at the back of the pyramid field?
we need to know this as if we get down it'll be midnight and Arsing Dark.
so will come and looook 4 u on sat. morning. when it's light etc, and say things like 'ha ha! how much?!?'.
if all goes well, see ya there inna naughtypoos stylee!
Date: Wed Jun 25 15:38:08 1997
From: Neil <N.Brown@lboro.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Urgent, re: glasto
Content-Length: 650
>
>good fuckin luck - you'll need it - you know theres a sort of moat - which
>although its not filled - given the rain thats happened could be a bit of a
>bummer....
HA HA HA! not for us baby! we will be walking in like royalty through a gate!
>
just as long as i can get the petrol money to actually get as far as the gate!
>http://www.leftfield.co.uk/pix/glasto.jpg
>
>about time this co. gave me something in return for BLOOD & SWEAT and the
>beloved devotion ive given it..... ;)
>
and the tireless testing of thier email system all day to make sure it is in tip top condition! they should give you a bonus!
>ade
>x
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>