Chapter 41

"Oh no..." she whispered.

He stopped right in front of them and said, with a slight shake of his head, "I'm sorry... we did all we could... I'm afraid he's dead..."

There was a shocking silence, as they tried to let this news sink in. Brian, dead? thought Rye disbelieving... no, it couldn't be... no, her mind screamed...

"NO!" They all turned to Rye, who had just taken a step back, shaking her head uncontrollably. "No... it can't be... no!"

"Rye, it's ok..." said Lauren, reaching for her hand. Rye pushed it away and yelled, "Ok? OK??? It's not ok! It'll never be ok!" She ran out pushing the door open, and ran and ran till she thought she couldn't run any more, and sank in the ground, her knees against her chest as she cried for the only person she had ever loved...

She woke up seconds later to the sound of people hurrying around. She stood up slowly, her eyes all dried up from all the crying she had done that day. She felt really cold, and just remembering what the doctor had said... she shivered... it couldn't be, he had promised... why? why did she have to lose him now that she'd finally found him? "Why take him away from me when I've never loved anyone else..." she whispered out loud, as she walked out the doors of that huge hospital... it was all so weird, she couldn't believe he could be gone, so quickly, when she had just talked to him, when he had just told her he loved her...

From a distance, she could hear a radio blaring a song from the car. She felt the wind blowing through her hair as she looked around in that dark night, the only light coming from the hospital... she watched as a couple walked in together, laughing about something, then giving little kisses, holding hands, whispering to each other...

She felt the stinging tears as she realized that she'd never be able to speak to him again, to feel him sweetly kiss her, tell her that he loved her... her heart felt so torn apart, knowing that he was.. dead...

My dear Brian, who never wanted to die, who was always so cheerful about everything, even about his own sickness, because he never wanted me to feel his pain... and now you've left me, without even a goodbye...

"I can't believe it..." Nick cried softly, and Nikki put her arms around him softly.

"I just don't get it..." said Lauren slowly.

"There's nothing to get, Lauren..." Kevin said quietly, feeling his eyes welling up. "He'd been sick... his heart was weak..."

"Heart?" spoke up a voice still standing there. It was the doctor who had given them the news.

"Yes, HEART!" screamed Nick. "Hello? Didn't you just witness his death? You ought to know the cause..." he said bitterly..

"Wait a second," started the doctor, staring at a few papers in front of him. "Are we talking about Mr. John Roberts?"

There was a silence, then Kevin shook his head as he said slowly, "No... we're talking about Mr. Brian Littrell..."

"Mr. Brian- oh, I am so sorry! That is not even my patient. If you'll excuse my apologies quickly, I'll have to run and look for the Roberts' family..."

No one said anything again for a few minutes. It was Nick who first broke this silence, "I can not believe this..." he said, as he plopped down on his chair.

"Phew, and I actually almost believed him, man..." said A.J, quickly wiping the tears that had started coming out when he had heard the news.

"Somebody'd better go find Rye... I can't believe that doctor! To start telling somebody news like this without even being sure if they are dead or alive..." said Lauren, shaking her head.

"I'll go..." volunteered Nick quietly. "I know how she must be feeling..." he looked at Nikki who nodded, telling him to go on... he stood up quietly, walking out into the huge hospital halls...

Rye didn't know or care how long she'd been sitting there, until she saw a figure approaching her in the darkness. She closed her eyes, letting the tears out, the opened them again to find Nick standing right next to her...

She didn't say anything, and hoped he wouldn't either, because she just couldn't bare to hear anymore of all this... no...

"Rye..." he started slowly... he got no reply... oh just tell her quickly, he scolded himself, she obviously doesn't want to say anything because she thinks he's dead...

He bent down and said, "The doctor's an idiot, Rye... Brian's not dead, ok?"

"Look, Nick," she spoke up with coldness in her voice, interrupting him, "If they sent you here to try and lie to me because they think I can't handle it, forget it..."

"No, it's not that!" he exclaimed. "I'm serious..." he said with a smile... "That doctor really IS an idiot, he thought we were the family of some guys called Roberts! So don't worry, ok? Their still in with him right now, and I know he'll be better..."

Rye looked at him slowly, with questioning eyes. "Are you lying to me, Nick?" she whispered. "Because if you are, it really is not funny..."

"No, no, of course I'm not lying.." he replied honestly, and she believed him... her heart felt so relieved, she closed her eyes softly and whispered, "I wish I could save him now... by giving him my heart or something..."

"Huh?" said Nick, looking confused.

She looked at him, realizing he was still there and she stood up, smiling lightly. "Nothing, just thinking out loud, I guess... let's go back in and wait..."

Everyone looked up as Rye came back in, followed by Nick right behind her. She gave them all a smile to let them know she was ok, although inside she was still feeling a little shaky... hearing that Brian was dead had made her feel like she was completely dying inside... she was glad it was all a mistake, but oh God, she thought, if it really is true, and he does die...

"You guys, I'm tired of waiting..." complained Nick. "I wish they'd tell us something now..."

"Nick, you're really getting on my nerves, man... you're not the only one who's tired of not knowing anything, so stop whining," snapped Kevin. Lauren looked at him with surprise but didn't say anything.

"I wasn't whining..." Nick mumbled, then seeing the deadly look he got from Kevin, he decided to shut up. Who does he think he is, anyway, though Nick... just because hes older than me, it does not mean he can boss me around...

Rye looked from Kevin to Nick, then let her mind wander off again to Brian... Nick was right, it was awful to be kept waiting, although from the look on Kevin's eyes, she was not about to say anything...

She looked at her watch, they had been there with him now for more than an hour.

"That's it, I'm going to go see if they have any news, they're probably keeping something from us..." said Nick, standing up.

"Nick, will you just sit down and shut up once and for all?" said Kevin angrily, still with his eyes closed.

This time Nick did not stay quiet and replied, "No, I won't Kev. Maybe Brian is not that important to you, I can realy see that now, but I need to know what is going on with my best friend! And if you're going to keep on-"

Somebody cleared his voice slowly, and Nick stopped talking. They all turned to see who it was, and saw a doctor standing by the door, waving a few papers at them to try and get their attention. His face bare no expression, however, thought Rye looking at him, trying to figure out just what exactly he was going to tell them...

"Ok, now that I have your attention, I came to tell you-"

"No no, wait a sec," interrupted Rye, holding up her hand. "Would you care to tell us first who exactly you're going to 'tell us about'? To avoid further confusion..." she said, mumbling the last part.

The doctor looked confused, then asked, looking at his papers, "Brian Littrell?"

She felt her heart skip a beat, knowing that whatever he was going to say could be either good or bad... why she had this feeling it would be bad, she had no idea... "Yes, it's him..." she whispered.

The doctor, annoyed, said, "Ok, then if you'll let me continue... this kind of thing is not that frequent as you all probably know, and all our heart surgeries performed on past patient have been succesful, so his reaction to it was quite normal.. Anyway, after he recovered from this coma, you all saw how he went into fits of coughs and this was due to-"

What the hell was he talking about, thought Rye, ready to scream. Why didn't he just get to the point, once and for all, was he ok? The doctor continued his nonsensical rambling, unti she could stand it anymore.

"Look, could you just skip all this scientific stuff for later and tell us how he is? Is he ok?" she demanded, knowing what she really wanted to ask was... was he alive...

The doctor actually smiled, then said, "Well, I see you haven't really been understanding me here. Brian is ok, more than ok, actually, he's made a really huge recovery that it is absolutely amazing..."

Rye felt her heart stop again, but this time for the joy she could feel. He was ok, he was ok, he was ok... she repeated in her head, then a smile formed over her lips... he was alive...

"Of course, in situations like this," the doctor went on, "The patient would stay weeks in a coma like that. The coughing he had was barely a sign of being tired, his heart has just endured surgery and-"

There he goes again, thought Rye, but this time smiling. She interrupted him and said, "I'm sorry to sound rude, and I'm really interested in all that you have to say, but... when can we see him?" she asked, barely hiding her happiness.

The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry, you can't. He really needs his rest, you really don't want his heart acting up on him again. Anyway, if you'll excuse me..." he said, turning around to leave. He stopped, then looked at them with a confused expression. "Did Mr. Littrell have a favorite kind of bread?"

"What?" asked Kevin, speaking up for the first time since they'd heard the news, he had left speechles, knowing Brian was ok.

"Well, it's funny, but he kept on calling out 'rye' all the time?"

They all looked at Rye, who blushed happily as they all laughed, leaving the doctor even more confused. She didn't care, she now knew Brian was alive, and she'd be able to see him tomorrow...

Rye could feel Brian's arms around her, as he pulled her in for a kiss, whispering sweet things into her ear. But something was wrong, she thought as she was getting closer, he was coughing once again, and this time holding his heart...

She woke up suddenly, breathing heavily. She looked around her and remembered she was still at the hospital, she had decided to stay and wait...

She shivered, remembering her dream, or better said, nightmare... she smiled with relief as she remembered that Brian was ok, and alive, too, and she'd see him soon enough.

She checked her watch, it was 6:30 AM. No one else was around, it seemed like she was the only one there, then she remembered how they had asked her to go back home, it was better, they had said, but she had refused, wanting to wait nearby, if not with him...

I can't wait, she thought, standing up slowly. I have to see him, now... she walked down the all too familiar halls of the hospital, careful not to let anyone see her... from a distance, she could see the room she had gotten so used to for the past few weeks, when she'd visit Brian... the infamous room 206...

She stood in front of him, wondering if she'd get into trouble for this, but then turning the knob to open the door, she thought, I don't care, as long as I can see him...

Closing the door behind her, she entered, not wanting to look at Brian in case the doctor was lying to them, or her dream would happen right then...

She looked at him then, and saw Brian sleeping peacefully on the bed. She could see his chest moving slowly up and down, making her smile with relief, knowing he was breathing...

Careful not to make any noise, she pulled out the usual chair, and sat down, watching him, afraid that if she took her eyes away for just a second, she'd lose him.

She watched his soft, hands curled up over the sheet, and couldn't resist the urge of bringing them to her own hands. They no longer felt cold, she smiled, but as warm and soft as before...

She heard a crash suddenly, and groaned as she saw that with her elbow she had just unintentionally pushed the glass of water that was by his bed. Praying that no one heard her, she closed her eyes, then opening them up again, she saw Brian looking at her, his electric blue eyes wide open, and staring back at her...

"Rye..." he said slowly, a smile forming. He squeezed her hand, holding it tight, then she saw one small silent tear forming in his eyes...

"Hey..." she whispered, "It's ok, I'm here now..."

He nodded, then said, his eyes twinkiling, "I kept my promise, didn't I? My promise to live..."

"Yeah, you did," she said smiling back.

There was a silence, as they both looked at each other. Unable to stand it anymore, Rye felt herself break down in tears, "I was so scared I'd lose you..."

Brian lifted his other hand to her face, and stroked her cheeks lightly. "You didn't... I'm here now, and I'll never leave you..."

"I hope not," she said smiling, "Because if you do, I'm going to get really angry.."

"Oh yeah?" he teased. "And do what?"

"Oh you don't want to know..." she smiled softly, bringing her fingers to his lips lightly. He kissed them, then she got closer to him, her eyes locked in his eyes, and let her lips rest softly on his, kissing him passionately, yet still softly as to savor every sweet bit of this moment.

She pulled back in a few minutes, with a smile.

"Hey," complained Brian teasingly. "Why'd we stop? I was beginning to enjoy it..."

She smiled back, then shaking her head, she said, "You have to rest, I do not want to lose you again, ok, and this time... being for good... so any other requests?"

"Yeah..." he grinned. "Stay with me, and don't leave me, ok?"

"Let me think about it for a sec..." she teased. "Ok, thought about it- of course..." she whispered, letting her head rest on his chest and relaxed to the sweet heaving of his chest, till she fell asleep...

"Nick, this is crazy..." said Nicole with a yawn, following Nick into the hospital. "I can't believe you woke me up at 6 in the morning to come with you to the hospital..."

"Shhh..." he said, looking around. "I'm sorry, Nicole, I guess I just couldn't sleep and I had this feeling that the doctor would have said something about us seeing him today, too! So..."

"You thought of waking good old Nikki since she never sleeps to come with you?" she said finishing his sentence.

"Uh, yeah, I guess you could put it that way... but it was of course all in good intentions, I had to have someone I cared about with me..." he said smiling.

"Aww, thanks... oh well, I'm with you..." she sighed.

They kept on walking, and Nick asked uncertainly, "What room was Brian's again?"

"Why, don't tell me you actually forgot that, and he's your best friend? Aw, Nick..." she said in a teasing voice.

"Yeah, well, I admit it, I'm not too good at remembering things, now what was it again?" he asked, smiling sheepishly.

Nicole laughed, shaking her head...

"Do you see anyone?" whispered A.J to Howie, peering from the side of a door.

"No, I don't..." said Annie loudly, making A.J jump. He turned around and seeing who it was, he laughed nervously.

"Oh, hi Annie! Nice seeing you around here! So what are you doing here, anyway?" he asked innocently.

"Um, I work here?" she reminded him. "As a nurse, too, remember?" she asked sarcastically.

"Well, of course I remember..." he said, rolling his eyes. "What kind of boyfriend do you take me for?"

"Oh..." she said with a smile. "Well, then A.J, mind telling me what you're doing here? At this time of the morning?"

"I...uh...", he looked at Howie for some kind of help, but Howie was just standing there looking at them with an amused smile, trying not to laugh out loud. Some help he is... thought A.J, giving him a look.

"Well, A.J? I'd really like an answer before the end of this century..."

"I- I came to surprise you! And now the surprise is ruined but it doesn't matter, I was planning to, uh, take you away from work...uh, for a... romantic breakfast! I thought you could really use a break, and it'd be just you, me... and... uh, breakfast?" he said. Damn, he thought, he hoped that sounded sweet and romantic...

"Yeah... and oh let me guess, we were going to take Howie as a chaperone?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"Oh Howie..." he said, remembering he was still there. "He's uh- fine, ok, you got me. I'm lying, I'm guilty, can we go now?" he asked, looking at his watch.

"What's the hurry?"

"Aw, man, if I tell you, you're going to stop us..."

"What makes you think I won't help you get to sneak in to see Brian, huh?" she asked with a smile.

He looked at her with his mouth open, then smiled. "Girl, you're my dream come true. Don't tell me you're actually turning out into a rebel, like me? Aw, see Howie?" he asked, looking at his friend. "You gotta learn from my girl," he finished, putting his arms around her.

"Let's just go..." she said laughing...

"Lauren, are you sure I won't get you into trouble?" asked Kevin worriedly.

"Hey, don't remind me..." she teased. "Nah, I don't think so, and besides if I do, all I'll get is a long sermon, but I heard so many of those, anyway, this one shouldn't be any different."

"Well, then, thanks for wanting to help me out here..." he said smiling.

"Ok, here we are," she said, about to open the door.

"Wait..." said Kevin, holding her hand. "I have to thank you first, but I don't think saying 'thanks' alone is going to be enough.."

"Oh yeah?" she answered with a smile. "What is?"

He put his hand on her chin as he kissed her, feeling her arms go around his neck, softly stroking his hair.

"See, I was sure he was in room 200 something!" said someone laughing. "Hey what are you guys doing here?"

Lauren and Kev pulled away from each other and found Nick and Coli standing right in front of them. "I'd like to ask you the same thing," replied Lauren, crossing her arms.

"Hey, hey, hey, we got some company here..." said another voice, and they all turned around to see A.J, Annie, and Howie approaching them.

"What the..." started Nick in disbelief. "Don't tell me you guys were sneaking in here with the intention to be the first to see Brian?"

"Uh, Nick..." said Coli, elbowing him lightly. "If I'm correct, you dragged me here this morning out of my usual morning sleep to do the same thing..."

"Oh really, Nick?" asked Kevin, smiling, though. "Anyway, you guys, I think somebody already beat us to it..." he said, signaling them all to look through the window.

They peered in, and then all let out an "Aww..." as they saw Rye sleeping peacefully by Brian's side, who was also fast asleep.

"Yeah, aww is right..." mumbled A.J.

"What you're complaining because you missed your beauty sleep?" said Howie sarcastically.

"Damn right you are!" replied A.J, then got even angrier when everyone started laughing, until he felt a smile forming and started laughing himself.

Rye could hear some noise outside but she was so comfortable where she was, she did not feel like even getting up from her place. Having Brian right next to her made her feel so good, so happy... she wanted to hold on to him like that forever... and even if he was away, she thought, I know my heart is going to always stay with him and his with mine... 'forever..." she softly whispered, then closed her eyes to sleep, her hands never letting go of his...