With a sigh, I stood up, straightening my dress with a frown. It was all dirty now, and I knew Mother would get really upset. Oh well, so what, I muttered, dismissing the thought as I ran to catch up with him, pushing my own long blond curls behind my ear. I wished I could have it all cut off, but I knew that would give my mother a heart attack so oh well...
I found him standing inside the huge house, and he was grinning. "You are such a big cheater, NICHOLAS!" I yelled laughing, knowing he hated being called that.
"Am not!" he said, laughing too. "You're just a big loser TAIMARA!" he retorted back with a smile.
I held my fist up and glared at him. "Call me that one more time and you're really going to get it!"
"Ok, ok! Sorry Taimara-oops, I mean Tamy dearest... aw, come on sis, don't get angry..."
I smiled and let my hands drop. "Good, but too bad, i felt like beating you up a bit-"
Hearing someone clear their voice just then, I turned around, an elderly man dressed in worn out clothes and an equally worn out expression was standing there.
"Yes Lucas?" I asked one of my mother's many servants.
"Lady Taimara, your mother would like to talk to you, she's in the sitting room..." and with that he turned around and left. I was confused, not about her wanting to see me, but about her wanting to see me in the sitting room. We only used that place to greet guests.
"That's funny, I hope she doesn't want me to meet some lady friend of hers, I'm getting really tired of all those overweight idiots in fancy hats coming over to me and pinching my cheeks, I mean come on, I'm 19..."
"Yeah, you're 19 and worth a lot of money so get used to that," said Nick grinning.
"Well, I'm going to see what she wants, I guess..." I said, ignoring what he said. I walked down the lightly dimmed halls of the huge castle, stopping in front of a blue door. I was about to open it when I stopped myself on time, remembering that I was supposed to knock... the last time I forgot to do that I got a five hour long sermon... and I think that was just this morning, actually.
I knocked lightly, and from inside I heard a muffled voice say, "Come in..." That was the problem with my mother, she was always speaking so softly, as if raising her voice just a little would be un lady-like. Please... and the funny thing was, she had quite a loud and different voice when addressing me, that was for sure...
I opened the door slowly and walked in. My mother was sitting down, a tea cup in her hand. There was a lady beside her whom I had never met before, and a young man sitting down right beside her.
I cleared my voice softy, "Did you call me, mother?"
"Yes, I did.." I could see her frowning as she looked at my dress, which had gotten quite dirty from when Nick pushed me, but she didn't say anything. "I want you to meet our guests, lady Hawksmoore, and her son, the soon to be duke of Hawksmoore, John."
Those names meant nothing to me, yet I smiled with a fake, "How do you do?" When you're pleasing your mother, you've got to do it right.
I sat down, ready to go crazy by hearing yet another one of my mother's long conversations with her friends. I was right, they started talking about whose cook can make the best food. I was going to scream...
What was making me even more nervous, was that John guy, who was sitting to my right. He kept staring at me with this weird smile, I wondered what was his problem.
After what seemed like an eternity, Lady Hawksmoore stood up. "Well, the tea was great, we have to get going now. I hope you tell her soon," she said looking at me with a smile, and John stood up and followed her, giving me that same weird smile, and they left.
Tell me WHAT soon? That woman made me nervous, what was that smile about? I turned to my mother, who was sitting there looking like she was really happy about something, what about, I was afraid to ask...
"What did she mean?" I asked her.
She looked at me, as if remembering I was still there. "I have really good news for you, dear. It is every girl's dream to get betrothed, and I have just made your dream come true."
I just stared at her. Betrothed? She couldn't mean... engaged? "I don't get it..."
"Well, John has asked for your hand in marriage, and I told him you'd gladly accept it-"
"You did what?!" I didn't mean to yell but hearing that totally shocked me.
"Taimara, dear, what is this? You have to start acting like a lady, this is just plain ridiculous. And you know how much you embarrassed me by coming in here in that filthy dress? How many times have I told you not to run around like you were some little boy?"
I stared at her, wondering why I was even listening. She couldn't do this to my life, to ME, but she was, and I could see it clearly. "I need some fresh air... if you'll excuse me..." I said, standing up to leave. I could hear her calling me in that disapproving voice but I ignored it as I ran.
Outside I felt better, and I continued walking, heading to my favorite place by the high cliffs looking out to the sea. I felt like I could totally not think about anything just being there, that everything would feel better. From a distance, I could see a figure standing there, in my place. Fuming, I walked faster, kicking off my shoes as I started running. As I got closer, he turned around, and looked at me with a smile. I didn't smile back, I was too much in a bad mood, and just glared at him. His hair was a golden brown, soft curls framing his forehead. His eyes... I couldn't help but notice how blue they were, as blue as that sea below...
"Hello..." he said, snapping me out of my gaze.
I didn't reply for a second, then took a deep breath and said as cold as I could, "This is my place..."
He laughed, and I felt like punching him. "What are you laughing at?" I asked, feeling somewhat annoyed.
"You," he said simply. This got me even angrier, and I must have showed it, too, because he said, "Look," he said softly. "I'm sorry, but this isn't really your place, or anyone else's..."
"I always come here, ok? And I've never seen you here so why bother me now just when I want to be alone? Go find yourself some other place," I said, knowing i must have sounded ridiculous.
He grinned. "Well, someone's acting kind of bratty today..."
"That's it! What makes you think you have the right to insult me that way? You don't even know me, ok, so you have no right to call me a brat!"
"You're right, I don't know you at all, and you don't know me either, so maybe I like to go and be alone sometimes, too, maybe you're not the only one who has problems?" he said, looking angry himself. He softened up and asked, "What are you angry about, anyway?"
"What would you care, anyway! My mother wants me to get married to a guy I don't even know, and you-" I stopped, as he looked at me with an amused smile. "Why am I even telling you this, it's not even any of your business..."
"You feel like you have no freedom, like no one really cares about what you really want... that you're all alone in this, and no choice is made by yourself..." he said softly, looking at me.
I softened up a bit, thinking that that was exactly how I felt... "How-how did you know?"
He didn't reply, he just stared out at the sea, his face now bearing a serious expression. I wondered what he was thinking, as I sat down slowly, inches from him. He didn't turn around, he just kept looking out at the blue sea.
"So- what are you angry about that you had to be alone? I mean since I already told you my reason..."
"I'm not angry," he replied simply. "I rarely get angry, anger doesn't solve anything you know?"
Getting red, I asked him, "Ok, I'll rephrase it... so you're here because..."
"Because I had to think..." he said, still looking out at the sea. "I had to think about whether I am doing the biggest mistake of my life..."
Now I was curious, and I could feel my anger subsiding. "Is it you feel you don't really love that one person anymore?" I asked.
He looked at me, then started to laugh. I felt myself blush, maybe that wasn't what he was thinking about after all...
"No..." he said smiling, shaking his head. His smile disappeared as he said, "It's not that at all... I have always wanted to become a priest, ever since I was a kid. I've always felt like it was my duty to God as a human being, and I had to show my gratitude for everything, too..."
So that was it, I thought, staring at him. "So now you're not going to be one?"
"It's more complicated than that, I feel like I'm going to give up my whole life and everything else I value... yet I had made a promise to God since I was 5..."
I didn't know what he meant, but then started getting it. Priests weren't allowed to get married, to fall in love, to do so many things...
"Why since you were 5?" I asked.
He looked away then, back at the sea, as he mumbled something about how because he had gotten really sick at the time and then miraculously gotten better. Oh well, I imagined it was the scarlet fever or something not that serious, from the way he was saying it. I couldn't help but stare at him, though everything else was forgotten. He was such a sensitive person, then I realized that I didn't even know his name.
"What is your name?" I asked him softly.
He turned to look at me and smiled. "Well, I see we've skipped the most important part... my name is Brian," he said smiling, yet his eyes couldn't fool me, for there was a faraway look in them.
"My name is Taimara," I replied, smiling, too. "But call me Tamy, if not I'll have to do the same thing to you as I do with my twin brother," I said laughing, as I raised my fist, and jokingly punched him in the arm.
He smiled softly, and his hand went to mine. I seemed to freeze at that moment, as he softly caressed my hand. "You've got really beautiful hands..."
I didn't say anything, just continued staring at him. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I could feel my heart beating so hard I was afraid he'd be able to hear it, as ridiculous as that sounds. He looked up just then, his hand still on mine and stared at my eyes, and I felt completely mesmerized under his gaze. I noticed his head getting closer and closer, until it was just inches from mine. I could feel his warm breath then, and I felt my eyes closing slowly, ready to melt and savor this sweet moment...
He let go of my hand and stood up quickly, and I looked at him, as I felt my heart trying to get back to its regular pace. He looked nervous, and I could actually see him biting his nails. He then said, "I have to get back, it was nice meeting you Tamy..." and with that, he walked away, and I watched him, wondering what happened.
I stood up, too, ready to get back, as I striaghtened out my dress. I couldn't help but relive that short moment, wondering how his sweet lips would have felt on mine... I felt ready to cry as I walked back home, feeling totally rejected and humiliated, knowing I was not worth anything but being sold away to some duke...
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