Ethnic Jokes

Q: Why do Iraqi soldiers carry two pieces of sandpaper in their pockets?
A: One is a picture of home, the other is a map of the area.
Q: What is the definition of mass confusion ?
A: Father's day in Harlem
Q: What do you call a Texan?
A: A Mexican who ran out of gas going to Oklahoma
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: Why do Italians not like Jehovah Witnesses'?
A: They don't like ANY Witnesses!
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Slap his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: One less drunk.
Two friends, a Scotsman and an Irishman, are out drinking at their favorite bar. Eventually nature calls, and so they head for the bathroom.
The Scotsman takes the lone urinal and the Irishman says that he has to do "the other", so he enters the stall. The usual noises are heard for a minute, and then the Irishman says "Argh!"
"What's the matter?" inquires the Scotsman.
"Well, when I was pulling my pants up, I dropped a dime into the toilet."
The Scotsman joins the Irishman in the stall to look at the sad sight. They both shake their heads in despair.
Then the Scotsman reaches into his pocket and drops a quarter into the toilet.
"What did you do that for?" cries the Irishman.
And the Scotsman says, "Och, I'm not gonna stick my hand in there for just a dime!"
Q: Why do Mexicans wear pointed shoes?
A: To kill cockroaches in corners.

Did You hear about the Pollock who.....

· Spent four days in Sears looking for a miscarriage.
· Took his expectant wife to the grocery store because they had free delivery.
· Looked in a lumber yard for a draft board.
· Took a roll of toilet paper to a crap game.
· Put iodine on his pay check because he got a cut in pay.
· Was so lazy, he married a pregnant woman.
· Was feeling so low, he got his face slapped.
· Lost his girlfriend because he couldn't remember where he laid her.
· Thought asphalt was rectal trouble.
· Called his girl "Tapioca" because she could be made in a minute.
· Thought his typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.
· Bought a union suit because his wife was having labor pains.
· Thought "no kidding" meant birth control.
· Thought Peter Pan was something to put under the bed.
· Thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean shot glass.
· Smelled good only on the right side, he didn't know where to buy Left Guard.
· Definition of a "Maniac"- A Pollock in a whorehouse with a credit card.
· Bought his wife a washer and dryer - a douche bag and a towel.
· Studied for five days to take a urine test.
· Thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease.
· Went to the outhouse, put one leg in each hole, then crapped his pants.
· Thought a mushroom was a place to neck.
Q: What is an Irish seven course meal?
A: A boiled potato and a six pack.
Late one Friday night, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. It's Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five of those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and of course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..." Then, the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!"
Q: Why don't Mexicans cross the border in threes?
A: Because the sign says "no tres-passing."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons, when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of Indians.
They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that there are hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of Indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come and they realize they were surrounded. The Indians had spread out and they were trapped.
The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says, "Tonto, my friend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together, but now I think we are doomed."
"We?" replied Tonto. "What's all this 'we' crap, Paleface?"

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