ANORAKS OF FIRE
I think there's more to obsession than Calvin Klein
lets on...
I could have killed the bastard.
He was just sitting there, saying, "Anyway, I warned him that you're a bit obsessed..."
"You WHAT????"
"I didn't think he minded too much."
"Okay. So you basically just told someone that I have been waiting to meet for
absolutely YEARS that I am obsessed. With them. And it's not even true!"
"Yes, it is.." "Oh, and you're not."
"No."
"Even though you have all his records. In every format. Including Japanese-only
releases.
Plus the t-shirts, posters, gimmicks and merchandise."
"Yep." "I hope you've
made a will..."
Of course, after I'd finished bruising Giles for
his little outburst, I started to get a little bit worried.
Not just about the fact that Giles told the John-Lennon-to-my-Noel-Gallagher
that I was an obsessed freak.
I mean, face it - if I ever worried about having such luxuries as dignity I
wouldn't be where I am today.
(Admittedly, Streatham doesn't have quite the same ring as the Caribbean. I
might want to rethink my strategies)
Still, he did set the meeting up.
No, my chief concern was the possibility that it
might be true.
The big problem with naturally gregarious people who spend large amounts of
their time feeling isolated is that they go a bit mad.
For some people it's a case of dressing up as mummy and making hotel guests
disappear. For others, it's more of a case that you start collecting and cataloguing
episodes of Stark Trek: Voyager and can recognise them by title. 'Drone' is
my particular favourite.
Not that I'm admitting anything...
Anyway, it all came to a head (the one without the voices in it) when I was
watching 'Midwest Obsession', a TV-movie on 'Living', starring 'Ally McBeal's
Courtney Thorne-Smith.
"Oh shit, Giles, I really hope that I'm not like her," I said, with increasing
alarm as the film continued.
"Easy test. Ever boil any bunnies?"
"No."
"Because you like bunnies."
"I like bunnies."
"And people."
"And people."
"You wouldn't boil, maim, injure or kill either."
"No."
"SO STOP BEING SO FUCKING PARANOID."
Point taken.
Although I continued in my wave of paranoia until the answer struck me very
suddenly.
Obsession is liking one thing to the exclusion of others. Liking something so
much more than anything else that it takes over your entire life.
You can't be obsessed with more than one thing.
So, I am therefore pleased to announce that I am
not dangerously insane because I am "obsessed" with none - or all - of the following:
Oh dear, that list is a little damning.
I really ought to take myself round to Giles' for the (im)moral support.
After all, we share most hobbies, except for 'Buffy' and 'Star Trek'.
And for the record - Giles has absolutely every album by everyone in absolutely
every format. So I guess that means he can't be obsessed. Unless you classify
him as "shopaholic".
Oh well, I'm off.
Just as soon as I've found my anorak...