email

JUSTIN

Oh isn't this apparent...can u not tell?...Justin is what i would call a um...GHETTO SUPERSTAR.. he's a stripper plain and simple...I mean come on...what else would explain why whenever he gets up on stage he just cant seem to keep his shirt on? BUT thats not all.....why is he a ghetto superstar..well first of all listen to the way he talks? And another..well since Justin is part of Nsync and SUCH A BIG STUD...he can't go strip in some elite club where he may be recognized..no no..that would be bad..he has to strip in the ghetto were they all laugh at hip hop bands and all they listen to is rap. This also explains why he talks the way he does...I mean after spending so much time in the ghetto its hard for that not to rub off on you.

J.C

Mr. Boss man here loves control...he's the big daddy of the group but thats not why he got that name...J.C. here is a mobster...yes its true...hes the leader of the Orlando Mob and his name is BIG DADDY One big clue is the way he dresses....All I have to say is MAJOR GQ...and if u look at all mobsters from past, present or future they all dress GQ...another clue...ALL THE LATE NIGHT PHONE CALLS yep u guessed it...this is when he conducts all his business...the other guys are all sleeping...and they can't know what he does..NO...NO..

JOEY

NOW this is obvious also...i mean girls are his major obsession so what else would he be than a PIMP... hes the spittin image of a pimp..the big gold necklaces...the leather jacket...the gotee Hes 100% pimp all the way..the guys all talk about how big a flirt Joey is..well let me tell ya it aint all just horomones...GIRLS MEAN MONEY for little Joey here...sure I know being in Nsync should bring this boy enough money right...well JOey is money hungary and he figures what better way to make money then to make it doinG! your obsession..or I guess selling it...

LANCE

Okay im just gonna come out and say it...THE NeXt Unibomber...totally all the way.. look at him...hes quiet..just kinda sits back and takes it all in..U THInk its cuz hes shy right..NO I dont think so..HES PLOTTIN Now his isnt really a job....he doesnt really do anything right now but like i said hes plottin...hes gettin ready to just bust out...Next time u watch him..just look at his eyes..ITs there..hes not mentally all there.. Havent u ever heard...its the quite ones that are psycho

CHRIS

THIs guy probably has the most interesting job of them all....hes a stunt man Hes CrAzY!!!.....he'll do anything to get a reaction out of someone or alaugh even if it means risking his own life..ever seen some of those tv shows where they talk about stunt men...CHris was on one..yep yep...OH DONT FRET...i know ur thinkin..what if something goes wrong...what will i do?...Chris is very careful at everything he does..he wouldnt want to upset all u fans...he knows whats most important.. WeLL there it is....BUT SHHHHHHHHHHh!!!! U cant tell no one...u wouldnt want these boys to be gone would u?...if u say anything it will ruin it for all of us...so keep quiet

Scream 3 Starring *NSYNC

The phone rings, and Justin gets up from his couch to answer it..

Justin: Yello?

Scary Voice: Hello, Justin.

Justin: Um, who be dis?

Scary Voice: Well, you tell me.

Justin: I gots no ideas.

Scary Voice: Do you like scary movies?

Justin: Yeah g! I saw dat Backstreet Boys home video 20 times, yo!

Scary Voice: That's not what I'm talking about you fucking idiot! I
mean
HORROR movies! Like, "Halloween H20" or Friday the 13th,=94 or something
like
that!

Justin: Ohhh! Nah, homes, I don't watch much shit like dat. At least
not
without my mommy around ... hold up a minute, who da hell is dis? I've gotta
fly honey comin' over in a second, so I can't be wastin' my flava on you!

Scary Voice: Her name wouldn't be.. Britney- would it?

Justin: HELLS NO! I wouldn't touch that skank if ya'll PAID me!

Scary Voice: Then who the hell do I have tied up on your patio?

Justin: WHAT?!

Justin runs to the sliding door and turns on the patio lights. There
sits
Britney, tied to a chair bruised and bleeding.....

Justin: Yo- it's abouts time someone did that!

Scary Voice: We're going to play a little game, Justin. If you answer
the
question right, Britney lives. If you get it wrong, then I kill her and
leave
her body in your Benz.

Justin: My Benz! Oh my God, da blood would never come out of the
upholstery! [Justin starts to cry.] Okay, okay! I'll play yo' game, g!

Scary Voice: First question ... name the other members of NSYNC in 10
seconds or less.

Justin: [Pausing] Uhh, well ... um, there's JC, ... what's-his-face
Chris!... uh, there's one named Lance, right? Okay, dats four ...

Scary Voice: Times up! Say bye-bye to Britney!

<Justin watches in horror as Britney is gutted, her fat rolls out
falling
all over the patio.>

Scary Voice: Now, Justin. On to Round Two ... what color are you?

Justin: What?

Scary Voice: You heard me, what COLOR are you?!

<Justin is silent, pondering to himself.>

Scary Voice: Are you BLACK or WHITE, Justin?

Justin: [finally, after a hesitation, he answers...] Yo, is dis a trick
question?

Scary Voice: Wrong Answer, Justin!

Justin (dying): Joey! ...Dats..who da other..one...is!

<The next day at Transcon, NSYNC finds out the horrible news...>

Lance (hanging up the phone): Hey, you guys, I got some bad news.
Somebody killed Justin last night.

Chris: WHAT?!

JC: Oh my God! Justin's dead?! Without Justin, we're ruined! Who else
can
even get 8-year-olds sexually aroused but him? Certainly not any of us.

Joey: Hey, when are we eating?

Chris: Is that all you can think about? My BEST FRIEND is dead! He was
the only one who ever laughed at my jokes! I'm screwed!

Lance: Hey, on the plus side, somebody killed Britney too.

JC: Well, I guess every cloud does have its silver lining.

<One of their managers, Lou Pearlman enters the room>

Lou: Boys, I'm sure you've heard the terrible news. I'm probably losing
thousands of dollars as we speak. Anyway, to be on the safe side, I'm
imposing a curfew on you. You must all be indoors by 9 o' clock.

<Lou exits>

Chris: What a fat piece of shit.

Joey (looking up from a bag of chips): Huh?

Chris: No, not you Joey. I was talking about Lou.

Joey: Oh.

JC: So what are we going to do?

Lance: Well, if we have to be in by nine, why don't we invite all of
our
friends over so we won't be lonely?

JC: Yeah, but Lance, you don't have any friends.

Lance: Oh yeah. Okay, why don't we just all get wasted and make fun of
Joey instead?

JC and Chris: Okay!

<Later that night, at Chris' house>

Chris: Hey, can somebody get me another beer?

Lance: Yeah, me too.

JC: Me three.

<They all turn to stare at Joey.>

Joey: How come I'm always the one who has to get the beer?

JC: What else are you good for?

Lance: Hey Joey, I think there's a coke in the garage.

Joey: Coke?

Lance (nodding): Yeah, a Superman-shaped one. You can have it if you
get
us more beer.

Joey: SUPERMAN-SHAPED!! Oh my, God, I think I just had an orgasm!

JC: That was more than I needed to know.

<Joey takes off running. He enters the garage and looks around
excitedly.
His excitement soon turns to confusion.>

Joey: Hey, I don't see any coke! But Lance wouldn't LIE to me! I've
shared too much of myself with him to do that!

<Suddenly, the door slams. Joey whirls around only to come face to face
with the dark, scary ghost-faced man.>

Joey: What the hell?

<The killer raises a knife and charges at Joey. Joey shrieks and tries
to
squeeze through the cat door, only to find that his head is the only thing
he
can fit.>

Joey: Well, this is...awkward.

<The killer hits the garage door opener and Joey is decapitated. Poor
Joey. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the house...>

JC (returning from the bathroom, YES, contrary to teenybopper belief,
NSYNC DOES use the bathroom)! : Hey guys, what's taking Joey so long?

Chris: Who cares? He's gone. Lets enjoy the moment.

JC: Well, I'm going to check on him.

<JC heads to the garage, and discovers Joey's body hanging from the
door.
Suppressing the urge to vomit, he runs back to the living room to tell Chris
and Lance what he'd discovered.

JC (panicking): You guys! Joey's dead! I saw his body hanging ...
(trailing off) Uh, guys, why are you SMILING like that?

<Lance and Chris look at eachother and laugh.>

Lance: What's not to smile about? Justin's dead, Joey's dead, and soon
you'll be dead. (Lance raises a bloody knife and slowly advances towards
JC.)
You like my knife? It's an antique. As BOP reported, I really do collect
them. But you already knew that, didn't you, JC? That's because you know
everything, don't you?

JC: Chris! Help me out here!

Chris: Help? HELP? Why? So you can steal more of my solos later? I
don't
think so.

JC: Why? Why would you do something like this?

Lance: Why? 'Cause I'm from MISSI-FUCKING-SSIPPI, THAT'S WHY! Or how
about this? Lets see, how you would feel if people constantly told you that
you couldn't dance, that you were really a girl, and that you were having
sex
with JOEY?! You would want to kill people too!

JC: You've got a point ... but Lance, all those things are true.

Lance: Shut the fuck up!

JC: Chris? What about you, what's YOUR motive, huh?

Chris: My motive? I'm a 27 year old virgin (not really, but whatever)
with dreadlocks, and the only people who see me as a sexual being are under
the age of fourteen. Plus, I'm the CRAZY one of the group! It comes with the
territory!

JC: Fair enough.

Lance: But you haven't even seen the best part. (Lance snaps his
fingers.) Chris! Bring the surprise!

<Chris disappears and returns with a blond boy, gagged and bound.>

JC: Oh my God! You've kidnapped Nick Carter!

Lance: Picture this: Nick relizes that he is not the number one sex
symbol in America anymore because of a certain JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. He snaps,
and goes on a killing spree. He kills all the members of NSYNC, except, of
course, me and Chris.

Chris: Being the stupid fuck that he is, he forgets that we're in the
group ... actually, most people tend to forget that.

Lance: Then, the reality of what he's done hits him, and he kills
himself. It's perfect!

JC: Yeah, except ... hey, what's Topanga doing here?

<Lance turns around quickly. JC quickly kicks the knife out of Lance's
hand and grabs it. He stabs Chris through the forehead. Chris stumbles and
falls face-first into the kitty-litter box.>

Lance: Wow, he finally did something funny.

JC: I'll say.

<The two continue to struggle as Nick Carter wets his pants for the
fifth
time. Finally, JC manages to tip the refrigerator over, crushing Lance's
skull. JC unties Nick.>

Nick: Oh, JC! Your my hero!

JC: Dude, get the fuck off me. (JC brushes himself off.) Hey, now I can
finally have a solo career! What a great ending! I'm
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

.,.,.,.,.THE END.,.,.,.,
so, did u like it? Pass it on to ALL your friends!!!!!!! otherwise...
0-5 people: You'll be stabbed to death by a killer.
5-10 people: You'll be stabbed but won't die..
10-+ people: You'll save the world from a psycho killer like Chris and
Lance, and will go down in the hall of fame!
(yeah right) >> >> >>

Everybody's Free (To Love *N Sync)

This is set to the tune of Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free (To Wear
Sunscreen)"

Ladies and gentlemen who appreciate boybands.

Love *N Sync.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future *NSYNC would be it.

The long term benefits of *N Sync have been proved by billboard charts and
ticket sales whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my
own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of Chris Kirkpatrick
Oh, nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of Chris
Kirkpatrick until you are older, but trust me, in 5 years you'll look back at
photos of him and recall in a way you can't grasp now how sexy those braids
really were and how fabulous he really looked in those red shorts.

Joey is NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about their futures, or worry but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to convince Justin that he's really white.

The real troubles in their careers are bound to be things that never crossed
your worried teenie mind. The kind that require penicillin or send them to
rehab clinics when all is said and done.

Do one thing everyday that SCARES your parents.

Lip Synch

Don't be reckless with other people's *N Sync addictions, don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss like J.C.

Don't waste your time being jealous of Britney. It's all for publicity
anyways..

Some of us get close, some of us will have nosebleed seats, the tours are
long and in the end, you'll probably never meet them anyway.

Remember the people who compliment *N Sync.

Forget the haters.

If you succeed in doing this without yelling obscenities in their direction,
tell me how.

Keep your old fan letters

Throw away your parent's credit card statements.

Stretch (before dancing to the album).

Don't feel guilty if you like the BSB a little bit. The most interesting
people I know had diverse tastes in music at 16. Some of the most interesting
27 year olds I know also listen to Ozzy Osbourne.

Guys, get plenty of calcium.
And be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe they'll have girlfriends. Maybe they won't.

Maybe they'll have another #1 album. Maybe they won't.

Maybe they'll break up at 40. Maybe they'll dance the funky chicken on their
25th anniversary tour.

Whatever they do, don't congratulate them too much or berate them either.

Their chances are half chance, so are everybody elses.

Enjoy Justin's body. Look at it every chance you can. Don't be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument he'll ever own.

DANCE

Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own *N Sync covered bedroom.
Read the liner notes, even if you don't get what they say.

DO NOT READ TEEN MAGAZINES THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A TEENIEBOPPER.
(Just kidding!)

Get to know their band members, you never know when they'll be gone for good
(Bye DAX!)

Be nice to their siblings, they're your best chance at getting closer to the
band and the people you are most likely to meet anyway. (I'm saying wassup
STEVE)

Understand that fellow *N Sync fans come and go, but the precious few you
really should hold on to cause those will be the friend's for life.. (I love
you girls!)

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you
get, the more possible it will be to move to Florida and try to get to know
them.

Live in Florida once but leave before Justin's mom tries to make you a member
of Innosense.

Live in Mississippi but leave before it becomes your excuse for everything
that you do.

TOUR.

Accept certain inalienable truths:

Ticket prices will rise. Joey will philander. Justin will also get old.

And when he does you will fantasize that when he was young, ticket prices
were reasonable, Joey was a good boy, and Justin would have really married
you.

You will not marry a member of *N Sync. (Ummm, excuse me? -mast)

Don't expect anyone else to support them.

Maybe they'll get a new contract, maybe they'll go independent, but you never
know when either one might go bust.

Boys, don't mess too much with your hair. Or by the time you are 40 it will
look 85.

Be careful what merchandise you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

Merchandise is a form of nostalgia.
Keeping it is a way of fishing your boyband past from the disposal, wiping it
off, painting over the embarrassing parts, and recycling it for more than
it's worth.

But trust me on the *N Sync thing.

"If God isn't a Tarheels fan, why is the sky in North Carolina BABY BLUE?"
-Justin

"Let's just say I'm a gentleman." - JC

"Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep, Your soul is like a secret,
that I never could keep, When I look into your eyes, I know that its true God
Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You"


Email Forwards	Top Ten Things Nsync Thinks God Spent A Little More Time on Top Ten Annoying Things About Nsync Top Ten Reasons Why We Believe Justin Thinks He's Black Top Ten Reasons Why God Needs To Spend More Time On Nsync SECRET IDENTITIES *Scream 3 Starring NSYNC** .Everybody's Free (To Love N Sync) . .. . . . TOP TEN THINGS NSYNC THINKS GOD SPENT A LITTLE MORE TIME ON* 10. Hairgel 9. Wifebeaters 8. Basketball 7. Tommy Hilfiger 6. Fubu 5. Themselves 4. Justin 3. Janet Jackson 2. MTV 1. Your Name TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS ABOUT NSYNC 10. Their spankin clean image 9. The song I Need Love (agree) 8. J.C's nose 7. Some of their videos 6. Joey's superman fetish 5. Poofoo 4. Mickey Mouse Club 3. Justin's ghetto act 2. Lances and Chris's attempt to dress themselves 1. Most of their fan base TOP TEN REASONS WHY WE BELIEVE JUSTIN THINKS HES BLACK 10. His baggy ghetto clothes 9. his big gold necklace 8. His shrine of Tommy Hilfiger clothes 7. His beat boxing 6. his wide rap collection 5. His jeri curls 4. The way he acts around other black people 2. His strikin resemblance to the guy in "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" 1. "Wassup wit dat yall" TOP TEN REASONS WHY GOD NEEDS TO SPEND MORE TIME ON NSYNC 10. To complete Lance's sex change (that's mean) 9. Convince Justin that he's white 8. Show Joey theres more to life then sex and food 7. Show JC theres more to life than sleep and power 6. Help Chris with his comedy routine 5. Complete J.C.'s rhinoplasting. (nose job) 4. Teach Justin English 3. Give them a better gig than the average "BOY BAND" routine 2. Teach them how to attract a broader fan base 1. Tell them that its okay to kill the bsb SECRET IDENTITIES JUSTIN Oh isn't this apparent...can u not tell?...Justin is what i would call a um...GHETTO SUPERSTAR.. he's a stripper plain and simple...I mean come on...what else would explain why whenever he gets up on stage he just cant seem to keep his shirt on? BUT thats not all.....why is he a ghetto superstar..well first of all listen to the way he talks? And another..well since Justin is part of Nsync and SUCH A BIG STUD...he can't go strip in some elite club where he may be recognized..no no..that would be bad..he has to strip in the ghetto were they all laugh at hip hop bands and all they listen to is rap. This also explains why he talks the way he does...I mean after spending so much time in the ghetto its hard for that not to rub off on you. J.C Mr. Boss man here loves control...he's the big daddy of the group but thats not why he got that name...J.C. here is a mobster...yes its true...hes the leader of the Orlando Mob and his name is BIG DADDY One big clue is the way he dresses....All I have to say is MAJOR GQ...and if u look at all mobsters from past, present or future they all dress GQ...another clue...ALL THE LATE NIGHT PHONE CALLS yep u guessed it...this is when he conducts all his business...the other guys are all sleeping...and they can't know what he does..NO...NO.. JOEY NOW this is obvious also...i mean girls are his major obsession so what else would he be than a PIMP... hes the spittin image of a pimp..the big gold necklaces...the leather jacket...the gotee Hes 100% pimp all the way..the guys all talk about how big a flirt Joey is..well let me tell ya it aint all just horomones...GIRLS MEAN MONEY for little Joey here...sure I know being in Nsync should bring this boy enough money right...well JOey is money hungary and he figures what better way to make money then to make it doinG! your obsession..or I guess selling it... LANCE Okay im just gonna come out and say it...THE NeXt Unibomber...totally all the way.. look at him...hes quiet..just kinda sits back and takes it all in..U THInk its cuz hes shy right..NO I dont think so..HES PLOTTIN Now his isnt really a job....he doesnt really do anything right now but like i said hes plottin...hes gettin ready to just bust out...Next time u watch him..just look at his eyes..ITs there..hes not mentally all there.. Havent u ever heard...its the quite ones that are psycho CHRIS THIs guy probably has the most interesting job of them all....hes a stunt man Hes CrAzY!!!.....he'll do anything to get a reaction out of someone or alaugh even if it means risking his own life..ever seen some of those tv shows where they talk about stunt men...CHris was on one..yep yep...OH DONT FRET...i know ur thinkin..what if something goes wrong...what will i do?...Chris is very careful at everything he does..he wouldnt want to upset all u fans...he knows whats most important.. WeLL there it is....BUT SHHHHHHHHHHh!!!! U cant tell no one...u wouldnt want these boys to be gone would u?...if u say anything it will ruin it for all of us...so keep quiet *Scream 3 Starring NSYNC** The phone rings, and Justin gets up from his couch to answer it.. Justin: Yello? Scary Voice: Hello, Justin. Justin: Um, who be dis? Scary Voice: Well, you tell me. Justin: I gots no ideas. Scary Voice: Do you like scary movies? Justin: Yeah g! I saw dat Backstreet Boys home video 20 times, yo! Scary Voice: That's not what I'm talking about you fucking idiot! I mean HORROR movies! Like, "Halloween H20" or Friday the 13th,=94 or something like that! Justin: Ohhh! Nah, homes, I don't watch much shit like dat. At least not without my mommy around ... hold up a minute, who da hell is dis? I've gotta fly honey comin' over in a second, so I can't be wastin' my flava on you! Scary Voice: Her name wouldn't be.. Britney- would it? Justin: HELLS NO! I wouldn't touch that skank if ya'll PAID me! Scary Voice: Then who the hell do I have tied up on your patio? Justin: WHAT?! Justin runs to the sliding door and turns on the patio lights. There sits Britney, tied to a chair bruised and bleeding..... Justin: Yo- it's abouts time someone did that! Scary Voice: We're going to play a little game, Justin. If you answer the question right, Britney lives. If you get it wrong, then I kill her and leave her body in your Benz. Justin: My Benz! Oh my God, da blood would never come out of the upholstery! [Justin starts to cry.] Okay, okay! I'll play yo' game, g! Scary Voice: First question ... name the other members of NSYNC in 10 seconds or less. Justin: [Pausing] Uhh, well ... um, there's JC, ... what's-his-face Chris!... uh, there's one named Lance, right? Okay, dats four ... Scary Voice: Times up! Say bye-bye to Britney! <Justin watches in horror as Britney is gutted, her fat rolls out falling all over the patio.> Scary Voice: Now, Justin. On to Round Two ... what color are you? Justin: What? Scary Voice: You heard me, what COLOR are you?! <Justin is silent, pondering to himself.> Scary Voice: Are you BLACK or WHITE, Justin? Justin: [finally, after a hesitation, he answers...] Yo, is dis a trick question? Scary Voice: Wrong Answer, Justin! Justin (dying): Joey! ...Dats..who da other..one...is! <The next day at Transcon, NSYNC finds out the horrible news...> Lance (hanging up the phone): Hey, you guys, I got some bad news. Somebody killed Justin last night. Chris: WHAT?! JC: Oh my God! Justin's dead?! Without Justin, we're ruined! Who else can even get 8-year-olds sexually aroused but him? Certainly not any of us. Joey: Hey, when are we eating? Chris: Is that all you can think about? My BEST FRIEND is dead! He was the only one who ever laughed at my jokes! I'm screwed! Lance: Hey, on the plus side, somebody killed Britney too. JC: Well, I guess every cloud does have its silver lining. <One of their managers, Lou Pearlman enters the room> Lou: Boys, I'm sure you've heard the terrible news. I'm probably losing thousands of dollars as we speak. Anyway, to be on the safe side, I'm imposing a curfew on you. You must all be indoors by 9 o' clock. <Lou exits> Chris: What a fat piece of shit. Joey (looking up from a bag of chips): Huh? Chris: No, not you Joey. I was talking about Lou. Joey: Oh. JC: So what are we going to do? Lance: Well, if we have to be in by nine, why don't we invite all of our friends over so we won't be lonely? JC: Yeah, but Lance, you don't have any friends. Lance: Oh yeah. Okay, why don't we just all get wasted and make fun of Joey instead? JC and Chris: Okay! <Later that night, at Chris' house> Chris: Hey, can somebody get me another beer? Lance: Yeah, me too. JC: Me three. <They all turn to stare at Joey.> Joey: How come I'm always the one who has to get the beer? JC: What else are you good for? Lance: Hey Joey, I think there's a coke in the garage. Joey: Coke? Lance (nodding): Yeah, a Superman-shaped one. You can have it if you get us more beer. Joey: SUPERMAN-SHAPED!! Oh my, God, I think I just had an orgasm! JC: That was more than I needed to know. <Joey takes off running. He enters the garage and looks around excitedly. His excitement soon turns to confusion.> Joey: Hey, I don't see any coke! But Lance wouldn't LIE to me! I've shared too much of myself with him to do that! <Suddenly, the door slams. Joey whirls around only to come face to face with the dark, scary ghost-faced man.> Joey: What the hell? <The killer raises a knife and charges at Joey. Joey shrieks and tries to squeeze through the cat door, only to find that his head is the only thing he can fit.> Joey: Well, this is...awkward. <The killer hits the garage door opener and Joey is decapitated. Poor Joey. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the house...> JC (returning from the bathroom, YES, contrary to teenybopper belief, NSYNC DOES use the bathroom)! : Hey guys, what's taking Joey so long? Chris: Who cares? He's gone. Lets enjoy the moment. JC: Well, I'm going to check on him. <JC heads to the garage, and discovers Joey's body hanging from the door. Suppressing the urge to vomit, he runs back to the living room to tell Chris and Lance what he'd discovered. JC (panicking): You guys! Joey's dead! I saw his body hanging ... (trailing off) Uh, guys, why are you SMILING like that? <Lance and Chris look at eachother and laugh.> Lance: What's not to smile about? Justin's dead, Joey's dead, and soon you'll be dead. (Lance raises a bloody knife and slowly advances towards JC.) You like my knife? It's an antique. As BOP reported, I really do collect them. But you already knew that, didn't you, JC? That's because you know everything, don't you? JC: Chris! Help me out here! Chris: Help? HELP? Why? So you can steal more of my solos later? I don't think so. JC: Why? Why would you do something like this? Lance: Why? 'Cause I'm from MISSI-FUCKING-SSIPPI, THAT'S WHY! Or how about this? Lets see, how you would feel if people constantly told you that you couldn't dance, that you were really a girl, and that you were having sex with JOEY?! You would want to kill people too! JC: You've got a point ... but Lance, all those things are true. Lance: Shut the fuck up! JC: Chris? What about you, what's YOUR motive, huh? Chris: My motive? I'm a 27 year old virgin (not really, but whatever) with dreadlocks, and the only people who see me as a sexual being are under the age of fourteen. Plus, I'm the CRAZY one of the group! It comes with the territory! JC: Fair enough. Lance: But you haven't even seen the best part. (Lance snaps his fingers.) Chris! Bring the surprise! <Chris disappears and returns with a blond boy, gagged and bound.> JC: Oh my God! You've kidnapped Nick Carter! Lance: Picture this: Nick relizes that he is not the number one sex symbol in America anymore because of a certain JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. He snaps, and goes on a killing spree. He kills all the members of NSYNC, except, of course, me and Chris. Chris: Being the stupid fuck that he is, he forgets that we're in the group ... actually, most people tend to forget that. Lance: Then, the reality of what he's done hits him, and he kills himself. It's perfect! JC: Yeah, except ... hey, what's Topanga doing here? <Lance turns around quickly. JC quickly kicks the knife out of Lance's hand and grabs it. He stabs Chris through the forehead. Chris stumbles and falls face-first into the kitty-litter box.> Lance: Wow, he finally did something funny. JC: I'll say. <The two continue to struggle as Nick Carter wets his pants for the fifth time. Finally, JC manages to tip the refrigerator over, crushing Lance's skull. JC unties Nick.> Nick: Oh, JC! Your my hero! JC: Dude, get the fuck off me. (JC brushes himself off.) Hey, now I can finally have a solo career! What a great ending! I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! .,.,.,.,.THE END.,.,.,., so, did u like it? Pass it on to ALL your friends!!!!!!! otherwise... 0-5 people: You'll be stabbed to death by a killer. 5-10 people: You'll be stabbed but won't die.. 10-+ people: You'll save the world from a psycho killer like Chris and Lance, and will go down in the hall of fame! (yeah right) >> >> >> Everybody's Free (To Love N Sync) This is set to the tune of Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" Ladies and gentlemen who appreciate boybands. Love N Sync. If I could offer you only one tip for the future NSYNC would be it. The long term benefits of N Sync have been proved by billboard charts and ticket sales whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of Chris Kirkpatrick Oh, nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of Chris Kirkpatrick until you are older, but trust me, in 5 years you'll look back at photos of him and recall in a way you can't grasp now how sexy those braids really were and how fabulous he really looked in those red shorts. Joey is NOT as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about their futures, or worry but know that worrying is as effective as trying to convince Justin that he's really white. The real troubles in their careers are bound to be things that never crossed your worried teenie mind. The kind that require penicillin or send them to rehab clinics when all is said and done. Do one thing everyday that SCARES your parents. Lip Synch Don't be reckless with other people's N Sync addictions, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss like J.C. Don't waste your time being jealous of Britney. It's all for publicity anyways.. Some of us get close, some of us will have nosebleed seats, the tours are long and in the end, you'll probably never meet them anyway. Remember the people who compliment N Sync. Forget the haters. If you succeed in doing this without yelling obscenities in their direction, tell me how. Keep your old fan letters Throw away your parent's credit card statements. Stretch (before dancing to the album). Don't feel guilty if you like the BSB a little bit. The most interesting people I know had diverse tastes in music at 16. Some of the most interesting 27 year olds I know also listen to Ozzy Osbourne. Guys, get plenty of calcium. And be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe they'll have girlfriends. Maybe they won't. Maybe they'll have another #1 album. Maybe they won't. Maybe they'll break up at 40. Maybe they'll dance the funky chicken on their 25th anniversary tour. Whatever they do, don't congratulate them too much or berate them either. Their chances are half chance, so are everybody elses. Enjoy Justin's body. Look at it every chance you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument he'll ever own. DANCE Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own N Sync covered bedroom. Read the liner notes, even if you don't get what they say. DO NOT READ TEEN MAGAZINES THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A TEENIEBOPPER. (Just kidding!) Get to know their band members, you never know when they'll be gone for good (Bye DAX!) Be nice to their siblings, they're your best chance at getting closer to the band and the people you are most likely to meet anyway. (I'm saying wassup STEVE) Understand that fellow N Sync fans come and go, but the precious few you really should hold on to cause those will be the friend's for life.. (I love you girls!) Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more possible it will be to move to Florida and try to get to know them. Live in Florida once but leave before Justin's mom tries to make you a member of Innosense. Live in Mississippi but leave before it becomes your excuse for everything that you do. TOUR. Accept certain inalienable truths: Ticket prices will rise. Joey will philander. Justin will also get old. And when he does you will fantasize that when he was young, ticket prices were reasonable, Joey was a good boy, and Justin would have really married you. You will not marry a member of N Sync. (Ummm, excuse me? -mast) Don't expect anyone else to support them. Maybe they'll get a new contract, maybe they'll go independent, but you never know when either one might go bust. Boys, don't mess too much with your hair. Or by the time you are 40 it will look 85. Be careful what merchandise you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Merchandise is a form of nostalgia. Keeping it is a way of fishing your boyband past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the embarrassing parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the N Sync thing. "If God isn't a Tarheels fan, why is the sky in North Carolina BABY BLUE?" -Justin "Let's just say I'm a gentleman." - JC "Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep, Your soul is like a secret, that I never could keep, When I look into your eyes, I know that its true God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You"	Funstuff O News O Live O Photos O Reviews O Links O Auctions O Facts O Chris O JC O Lance O Joey O Justin O Report on Pop Music O Poll on Pop Music O Guestbook O Classifieds O HOME O .