Star Gazing

Part three.

It had been now roughly two weeks since the first time Mira met Taylor and we'd been visiting his house frequently. For several days I have watched, spied, observed - whatever you call it - the two of them. Sometimes it was boring and other times, embarrassing. They discussed a variety of different subjects from Taylor's grandmother dying to Mira getting one of her nipples pierced!

The Hanson family were beginning to expect us to come, almost everyday now. I not only watched Mira and Taylor, but the rest of the Hanson family as well. The girls were cool. They rather reminded me of Mira and I. Jessie being the over-powering one and Avie the follower of the 'follow the leader' type game.

Isaac and Zac were rarely ever in the same room as us. We only saw them when they walked into the kitchen to get a snack or something - their kitchen's kind of connected with their lounge. The littler kiddies were almost always around. Zoe would settle herself into Taylor's lap while Mac used his affection to get attention from Mira. It was so cute, too bad I wasn't a part of the scene. I wasn't in the picture, I was only the frame.

Mrs and Mr Hanson were terribly welcoming. We would be offered food up to our necks and they would politely talk to us if Taylor had to go to the loo, or something! Doing his, you know!... guy stuff.

On some of those more boring days of chit chat, my mind would wander. I would think of childish thoughts and make up little games just to amuse myself. Once I had a brain storm. Hehe. It was so silly, I nearly laughed out loud.

Being that Hanson were famous musicians and they were well known round the world, it's true to say that they're stars, right? I agree. I watched Taylor, and to a lesser extent Isaac and Zachary, so I liked to call myself the Star Gazer. I'd made a status for myself.

Throughout the days that followed, I extended my little game. On the bus, I would think, 'Gee the day's nice and bright today. I'll do some star gazing.' Any person who could read my thoughts would probably ask the nice men in white coats to take me away.

I now looked forward to going to the Hanson house, not to follow Mira and hear what she says, but to star gaze, for I was the Star Gazer. It was my occupation, to look through my telescope (in this case, dark sunnies, to hide my ugly eyes) and see what was above. I was merely the Star Gazer, the Stars had higher status than me. I look up to them.

My little game expanded and was becoming more important with every passing day. I used it as my entertainment and escape from reality. I now think I invented it because with the little attention I got - at the Hanson's - I felt better if I said to myself that I didn't even want their attention. For if you were a Star Gazer or in other words a spy, you wouldn't want the victim to acknowledge your presence, now, would you?

One day I was sitting on the floor forming a little triangle with Mira and Taylor, who were located on the couch. They had given me a chance to sit on the couch with them but I declined since Taylor was guesturing to the spot next to him... the brown spot. I was not gonna sit on that... you never know what made the stain. Yuk.

I was drawing patterns on their carpet, listening in to what they were saying when I had an instinct to look up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zac. He was suspiciously watching us from the kitchen table. Remember, the lounge and kitchen were kind of adjoined.

Sitting on the farthest end of the long wooden table, it looked as though he was pretending to read some comics but in actual fact was also spying on Taylor and Mira. Curious on whether he was genuinely reading the comic or observing the two in front of me, I continued to watch him through the reflection of the lounge window.

I felt my blood boil. He was taking away my status. He was star gazing, just like me! Ugh, he made me so mad. I felt like screaming, all from some dumb game. My thoughts didn't even make sense anymore, I was thinking rubbish but I didn't care. All I knew was that Zac was butting into my game - no matter how silly - and I was becoming peeved. I needed proof if he really was stealing my status so I kept watching him through the window reflection.

Five minutes had passed but I kept my eye on the window, glaring. Zachary couldn't see me so it wouldn't matter IF I was sticking the finger at the window... he wouldn't know it was directed at him.

THERE!!!I saw him put down his comic and just stare at them. Now I knew he was watching them! How dare he... I felt like going up to Zac and slapping him silly.

What was he trying to do? Annoy me on purpose...? I was genuinely peeved, just because he was famous didn't meant he could do whatever he wanted in his own house. Hang on... that didn't make too much sense did it? But... but... he butted into my game. He didn't ask. He didn't know... ugh! Arguing with yourself gets you nowhere! Then why am I continuing? I have no idea.

Zac's eyes narrowed at Taylor. Good. At least he wasn't staring at MY sister... even though I stare at HIS brother. This is too confusing!

I was annoyed at myself. Why did I have to blow everything out of proportion, Zac was just innocently looking out for his brother as I do for my sister. He seemed skeptical of Mira and I ever since he first saw us.

I silently gasped. Zac was copying. Looking out for his siblings like me, or more like spying. I was really wound up now. I reckon I could've tore all his hair out if I'd allowed myself, but I really didn't think that the media would be too pleased.

But who acknowledges what Zac thinks about his hair? Who cares what Zac thinks fullstop?! Not me, definately not me!

I could feel a grudge growing on Zac. Not that he really did anything wrong by the normal person's standards, but he'd crossed the line with me. His mere presence annoyed me because I knew he was looking on. He was seeing what was only meant for my eyes.

I knew I was being a senseless, selfish, crazy cow thinking silly thoughts but I couldn't help it. I'm not a psycho - whatever it sounds like - and I don't usually think like this, but the Star Gazing game had evolved to become something really important. It wasn't a job, it wasn't a chore, it wasn't even a hobby, it was just something you do. Something that had accumilated itself into my scheduele. My daily routine, it was a part of me now. Zac had f*cked it up. I blamed it on him.

Zac was just sitting there, eyes bored, seemingly doing nothing. But i knew better. He was being a burden to my game dammit. Occassionally tapping a rhythm on the table, Zac kept bringing attention to himself. Not on purpose of course but he didn't even know anything. In this game you weren't meant to bring attention to yourself, you're meant to blend in with the background, and not be the focus of the framework. You were meant to be still and quiet.

Man! If Zac was going to play the part, the least he could've done was do it right! I knew that probably didn't even know that he was causing so much inner conflict amongst my brain cells. He probably didn't even realise he was watching Mira and Tay. His eyes were somewhere else, he looked distant.

That!... was another thing, you were meant to concentrate with this game. He wasn't following the rules. He didn't know the rules, I was trying to tell myself.

And... no matter how wacked up it might've sounded, I sorta felt glad to have an enemy. Like a baddie, there's always a baddie and a goodie.

No! Why am I thinking this? It's not right, I should be annoyed that Zac was butting into the game, not happy.

This was all too confusing.

Okay! I had made up my mind. Zac was considered a baddie and I wasn't happy about it. Zac was being a bitch to my game. He still made me so angry about the fact that he too, was staring at what was only meant for me to see. It was only meant for me to see....

****

Back in the bus, on the way home from the Hanson's I was thinking...

If Zac done this again, butted into my business, sticking his nose where it didn't belong and just generally being a busy body, I was gonna blow.

After all my work of making the rules, creating the game, deciding on tactics to spy, and more, I didn't need some outsider to come and stuff it up. I didn't ask for this. Why was he throwing it at me? Zac gave me another problem to deal with. It was the gift of his presence. It was an unwanted gift, but it was too bad this present couldn't collect dust with the rest of them, and continue its life un-noticed.

****

At home, I sat at the kitchen table, with nothing to do. Eating was an option but there was no 'good' food in the house. It was all veges and healthy stuff. Nope this will not do.

I could watch TV - that sounded like a logical thing to do. But... in fifty years I'd die from getting eye cancer from the close range radiation. Sarcasm.

Nope that wasn't such a good suggestion after all.

How about write a story? Nah... that would mean I had to use my brain. Again, sarcasm. It's probably shrivelled up with all the brainstorming I'd been doing lately.

Sigh. There was nothing to dooooo. So bored... blah blah honk cluck. Hehe, honk cluck - the sound of your brain mailfunctioning.

I heard the phone ring in the family room, and Mira pick it up after the... first ring. She started, "Yo! Mira speaking."

Duh, I thought. Would it be anyone else? It's not like I could answer it and Mum was never here, same with Dad, well not at this time of the day anyway. Wait. Dad? No, he was with me all the time. In my heart, in my thoughts and especially in my actions. Half the things I do in the day are because of him, because I'm doing what he told me to. Looking out for Mira.

...Aaanyway. The one sided phone conversation continued. "Hi Tay... Yeah okay that'd be great. I can bring some sandwiches and you can bring the good stuff... haha oh yeah, good stuff like drugs man! (The sarcasm must run in our family.)... yep... we never have any lollies and chips here ... no, that's not why we're so skinny...*giggle* ...okay then, yeah I'll let you go... so tomorrow at noon, in the middle of the Chymes Park. Yeah yeah, I won't forget the sandwiches, you just bring the good stuff. Hehe... yeah okay seeya tomorrow."

Ah so a picnic, tomorrow. Cool. I knew wasn't invited but I was coming anyway. They knew that too, I was just a tag hanging onto Mira's shirt. Abundant and annoying, ugly and in the way. Yep... that was me. And I wasn't afraid to admit it. If it was what Dad wanted, I wanted it too.


Part four...

Stories