Star Gazing

Part eight.

Very weird. It had been nearly a week since Mira and I had visited the Hanson's. This meant that they hadn't the chance of hearing me speak yet. Yeah you guessed it. It had been roughly a week since I said my first word... well not technically, but you know what I mean.

As we walked in the Hanson's doorway, I said 'hi' to Taylor and Zac, who'd greeted us. Taylor looked at me a bit weirdly, but what gives, it was the first time he'd heard me say a word.

Zac, on the other hand, questioned me, "Um. You're speaking. Why?"

I just shrugged. I couldn't be bothered going into details. Since I wasn't talking, Zac smirked, "I guess I don't have to bash Mira up. You don't look too hurt."

"Hmm, yeah you don't. Mira didn't touch me."

Zac just nodded, so I continued, "Ah, just 'cause you agreed to that whole bashing up thing, it doesn't mean we have to be friends right?"

"Nope," Zac stated simply.

"Good, 'cause I hate you." I was being truthful, terribly bold, but truthful.

Zac's answer to that comment was, "I hate you too."

We hadn't said those things jokingly. I was definately serious, Zac, by the sound of it was too.

That was why I didn't know why I done, what I done.

I smiled at him. It wasn't a huge grin, but nonetheless I think I curved my lips enough for it to be labelled a smile.

Don't get me wrong, I still hated Zac. Oh yeah, I hated him with passion! But... he was no longer the hateful bastard that stole my Star Gazing status and dissed me. He was now the hateful bastard that stole my Star Gazing status and dissed me - who cared.

He may not have cared a whole lot, but it was enough. He'd gained my respect in that sense.

Oh, I still hated Zac. But it was a hate which I could tolerate. Perhaps the amount of hate I had for him didn't increase, only the fact that he had gained some respect from me. That eensy smidgen of respect that made my hate for Zac tolerable.

The situation at the Hanson's didn't change much. Zac still sat in that kitchen chair, watching - annoying the crud out of me. Mira and Taylor kept talking, oblivious to me. Yeah, not much had changed, but some things certainly had.

I'd thought that since I could now 'officially' speak, I would be included in Mira and Tay's conversations. But no.... I was still left to the dogs. It hurt.

I decided to start Star Gazing, the proper way. I hadn't played this Star Gazing game for ages, I'd been too worried about speaking and such. And no matter how pathetic it sounds, I kind of missed it. This game was now something I could escape to.

Some teens may turn to drugs, sex or alcohol, but I tended to start daydreaming. I was good in that sense, I didn't need some hypnosis therapy to get me into another world.

Zooming in on Taylor and Mira, I observed what they were up to. I hoped they were talking about interesting things, it was dumb to spy on people when they were blabbing about boring subjects!

Mackie was punching Taylor's upper arm for some reason. Avie was also in there, Mira was putting on Barbie's clothes for her.

Ah, Avie reminded me of... me. I could never get those plastic arms into that stupid piece of material we call Barbie's sweater. That was probably why I turned to 'My Little Ponies.' Even though they wore no clothes, they didn't look naked. Does that make sense? Hmm.

I loved being in the Hanson's house. The Hansons themselves reminded me of The Brady Bunch. Not in the clothes sense... although sometimes Taylor is an acception.

The family had a bond. They always looked out for each other sometimes in a very subtle way, but nonetheless, you could tell. Well, I could anyway.

Even the theme song.. 'Here's a story, about a lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls. All of them had hair of gold, like their mother, the youngest one in curls.' Can't you see the resemblence?

Although, there are currently four Hanson boys, instead of three. Oh well. The irony between that Brady song and the Hanson family was good while it lasted.

I listened in to their conversation.

Avery: "Thanks for putting on her jacket but now she's going to go for a swim. Put on her bathing costume please."
Taylor: "Aves! Go and bother Zac about the barbies! He's not doing anything important."
Avery: "Zac's a boy!"
Taylor: "And what's that supposed to mean?"
Avery: "It MEANS that he's got a hilly dilly!"
Taylor: "I meant, why can't he dress Barbie for you just 'cause he's a guy?"
Avery: "Taylor, don't you know?!"
Taylor: "Ah! Aves, the gender discrimination of our society has already started eating away at your brain."
Mira: "Tay... if there's nothing wrong with boys dressing Barbies, then you can do it."
Taylor: "No. I only meant that Zac could coz he's not doing anything at the moment! Eugh, don't you girls know anything?"
Mira: "I can see where the gender discrimination comes from, in this family."
Taylor: "I don't know why I bother!"
Mira: "Oh yeah. Why even bother with girls who don't understand anything anyway?!"
Taylor: "No, that's not.... ah, yeah whatever."
Mira: "Yah. Aves! Girls rule. We beat Taylor, he gave uuup, we beat Taaaayla, he gave uuuup."
Avery: "We beat Taaaayla, he gave uuuup, we ..."
Taylor: "I didn't give up. Hmph. The Spice Girls are just giving all you females an ego boost!"
Mira: "Taylor, honey-pumpkin-cupcake-sweetie-pie-darling. Please, don't take this the wrong way. But shut up!"
Avery: "Yah. Shut up!!!"
Taylor: "Aves. You're not allowed to say that!"
Avery: "Yes I am!!"
Taylor: "But not to me you aren't." (Tay sniggered)
Mira: "You're a big bully, Jordan Taylor Hanson!"

Boring! Can't they talk about anything more interesting? I'm trying to get entertainment out of this here.

A sqeaky noise came from the kitchen. I didn't bother looking, I knew it was Zac. He moved and the chair sqeaked on the polished floor. It was his way of telling me that he was still there, invading in my Star Gazing game, or something. Well that was how I interperated it, anyhow.

I knew that Zac didn't know about the specifics of my Star Gazing game. But I knew that he knew... about the fact that I liked to watch Taylor and Mira. I liked to watch them alone! Not with anyone else... which was where he came in. He knew he was annoying me and he loved it. Dickhead. Yep that was one descriptive word, dun dun dun dun, please welcome Zac Hanson the Dickhead, who loved to piss off Carrie.

Puh-lease. Didn't he have any better ways to spend his time?

Me, as you know already, have a reason. Lots of reasons. Another, I probably haven't told you about (...yet) is 'cause I just love to go to the Hanson's house.

Not that I feel particularly welcomed - not even to half the extent of Mira. The parents welcome us enough, but the kids. Well they all LOVE Mira. Me on the other hand....

Jessie always looked at me strangely, especially since I'd started to talk - like I didn't have a right to, or something! Avie ignored me. Mackie smiled in my direction once in a while but then I would catch him glaring at me. (Gee, I never knew Mackie took after Zac in sooo many ways!) Zoe... well I can't comment on her, she's still too young for anything. Isaac, small talk. What more do I have to say, he doesn't do that with Mira. Mira's just like another sister to him. Whereas me... I see Ike frowning at me, when he thinks I can't see. But, thanks to that blessed window reflection, all is revealed.

This rejection from the Hanson kids hurt, it really did. But, nonetheless, I loved to come. There was this atmosphere in the house. I couldn't really explain it - it was just weird. I don't know if I liked it or not.

I mean the atmosphere itself was good, but we didn't have it in OUR house. Was I jealous? Is that why I didn't like it? Everything's so confusing. If I was so jealous of this atmosphere, then why did I like coming to the Hansons?

Maybe it's because, I'm seeing those kids and thinking how lucky they are. The house itself doesn't have the atmosphere, it's the people and their relationship with one another, which created it. The house was now special...

I wanted a special house too. I smiled when I thought how childish that would have sounded, but then again, if somebody saw into my brain they would probably only find a gigantic toy box! There would always be this child in Carrie, me myself and I that would never grow up.

I tuned back into Mira and Taylor's conversation. The little kiddies had now left them to talk by themselves.

Taylor: "Mom gave me some vouchers to the butterfly park of all places! She said that we'd better use them up before they expire and so she suggested we go."
Mira: "Butterflies?! Um yeah okay, I suppose. But would you really enjoy that? Maybe it's more of a girl thing..."
Taylor: "Now where's the gender discrimination coming from? Huh, huh?"
Mira: Kidding Tay. I'll come if I really HAVE to!" (She smiled smugly)
Taylor: "Good 'cause I'm threatening you not to stand me up."

So... we're going to the butterfly park tomorrow. Interesting... no actually, I think that I'd find the butterfly park quite boring. I was not an artsy girl, nor close to nature. That just wasn't me, I wasn't an animal's person.

I saw that Mackie had come back into the room. He was carrying marbles - I thought that fad had long gone by now, but I guess li'l ones are smart. They don't follow fads.

Mackie: "Tay, play with me."
Taylor: "Go ask Avie to play..."
Mackie: "But she's a giiiirl! They don't play with marbles."
Mira: (rolling her eyes) "Then why are you asking Tay?"
Taylor: "You're so funny Mira." (bored expression)
Mira: "Oh, I try!"
Mackie: "Play marbles with me!"
Taylor: "You don't even know how to play properly."
Mira: "Teach him if you're so smart Taylooor."
Mackie: "No! You don't need to know how to play to have fun."

I thought this brother of Taylor's was too smart for his age. Those words that he stated clearly were beyond wise. 'You don't need to know how to play to have fun,' yeah Mac. I totally agree.

I began to wonder. Zac, he played Star Gazing, although he didn't know it. He didn't know it therefore he had no clue of the rules. Did he have fun doing it anyway? Yes I think he did, he had fun because he was annoying me.

I used to watch my little cousins play Monopoly. They would just hand out money, like everything in the world was free. Money for all - they shared all those colourful notes. They didn't know how to play but they still had fun. They gave out money like it just didn't matter, as long as everyone was happy. Little kids have more common sense than some grown-ups.

Taylor and Mira didn't take Mackie's quote as serious as I though...

Taylor: (shook his head slowly) "Fine, I'll teach you how to play marbles."

If you asked me, I'd say that Mackie didn't seem like he wanted to be taught. He just wanted some companions in which he could roll around some marbles with. He could've asked me, I supposed....

Mira: "Don't bother Tay. I don't think he's old enough to understand."
Mackie: "Just play with me Taaaaylor!"
Taylor: "Okay, okay. So how do we play then Maaaackenzie?"
Mackie: (looks strangely at Taylor) "I thought you said you knew how to play!"

It was actually quite funny to watch. Mackie was getting the better out of Taylor, the one who was more than a decade older than the other.

As I mentioned earlier, little ones are smarter than given the credit for. Maybe not so smart, but much more practical. Their worlds isn't full of confusion because what they think is right, IS RIGHT - in their minds.

Part nine...

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