A periculiar view into my personal life. Stagnant it is. In my mind, things
are not so stutle. The bombardment of mental anguish interrupts breakfast.
Moment by moment, my life passes by me. Another day gone, never to be
regained. Lost to the nature that kills me slowly. Sadly, my depression and
fits of angry get the best of me. I reveal too little and lose so much. I
find myself lost. I look like that little boy, who can't find his mom in the
mall. He stands still, hoping she will come back. Then he begins to cry to
himself. Usually by that point, he is found. I was never found, and I
continue to wander the mall to this day. Someday I wonder if the sun ever
shines, sometimes I wonder if there is a sun. I stare blankly at things.
Things appear very black and white. Patterns appear. Wake up, work, school,
sleep. Everyday. 5am to 10pm. I take a deep breath and hope sometimes that
it's my last. Other times I don't. Feelings vary by the minute. Eyes burn
as they yell, "SMITE!" As I keep lying to myself.
Red hair flair. Devious eyes penetrate. Lack of sleep plays an important
factor. Unsurreal dreamscapes are fabricated with gentleness of an evil kiss.
Dark games hide behind peoples backs, waiting for the right moment. Feelings
of secret whispers and soft lips, parade through my head. I kill myself. I
lay satisfied. Like an old doll, left battered out in the rain. I am finally
alone. The raindrops keep fallen on my head. The echoes get louder, then
stomach growls louder. But it will never change the fact that I never win. I
will always lose. I was beaten before I was born. I was born under a bad
sign.
The answer never comes easy. I turn to my side, holding my bad arm. I look
up and ask "why?" No response. I ask again. No response again. I cry and
laugh at the same time. Things are starting to get fuzzy. Just then, I
realize for the first time in my entire life that...
