Useless Bantering
10/28/97

Voyages and where they take us. Bill and I backpacked it home. Many detours and sidetracks, but it began. It first started with me forgetting to buy the tickets. I had to con and deceive people to get our certificates of passage. The day we left, we wereoffered free rides by two people. Couldn't have been a couple of days earlier, could it? Driven to the bus by Jeff (thanks!) after debating the annoying walk to Greyhound with 40 parcels weighing close to two tons. Finally on our way, not even two minutes on the bus, I was attacked by some rabid girl yelling at us to lower my radio. So much for music lovers. I had my favorite Nirvana concert playing. The long bus ride began. Bill almost got us arrested by the slinky police. The slinky police are a sub-group of the thought police. They arrest people who play with slinkys in moving vehicles. This action is strictly forbidden and enforced to the full extent of the law. This rule is clearly stated on the box. After arguing with bill to put away the slinky, we came to a rest area. we chowed down on some grub. I got my $1.99 happy meal which made me rather happy. After I devoured my tiny hamburger , inhaled the handful of fries and chugged down my dinky drink, I moved on to the toy. I removed it from the box and ripped open the wrapping. Out come this ghastly, cockeyed cat who stored nerds in his rear. Bill and I threw the voodoo child across the bus in hopes of ridding ourselves of this harbinger of doom. But, IT CAME BACK! We had to hold on to it for the length of our journey.

The evil thing jinxed the rest of ill fated trip. we sat quietly on the bus waiting for it all to end. Then the bus started to break heavily. Everything started to move forward. We then rear-ended a pretty hard. Supposedly, a tow truck in the left hand lane crossed the highway so all the traffic behind him came to screeching halt. This is the bus driver’s supposed story (I personally think that his good friend, Jack Daniel would know best..) We were forced to fill out forms on the bus and delayed for at least 45 mins. Bill then said, "Is Greyhound related to AmTrak?" (Asking because of AmTrak's history of disasters) We later found out an AmTrak train from New York to Florida was in an accident that night. That damn cat!

Eventually we found ourselves in the Port Authority Bus Terminal. (Applause!!!) Many , many hours later than we original expected. (Boo! Hiss!) Due to my stupid errors, we had to go to Penn Station so Bill could get out to the island. Effected by our extended exposure of , I led us to the wrong platform, the completely wrong direction and train line. We made it to the LIRR station. We had one minute to buy a ticket, find the right track and board the train. Bill stepped on to the train and the doors closed. He had caught his train. Then I realized that “Hey, I don’t have Bill’s phone number. I have to call him so we can come back together.” Bill somehow managed to get off the train. Train went bye bye. We had to wait another half hour for a train. I left and caught my train. I walked into my Aunt’s house at 12:15 am. Our nine hour journey finally was over. THANK YOU!

Being the fools that we are, Bill and I put our lifes in danger once again. We kidnap two of my staff writers, Regina and Jen and make our trek to Syracuse. In hopes of seeing the Apple herself. Fiona that is. Hopefully... we won’t hit any gas tankers!


Note:
This column was basically about my adventures to New York City with my friend, Bill. Goodtimes never end do they? The photo is the AmTrak train that we jinxed. The photo is from New York Newsday, AP photo. 1