God figures in "Doctor Who", or indeed in most science fiction shows, have always been presented behind a get-out clause, largely one suspects because of the machinations of Mrs Whitehouse. Had the White Guardian of "The Ribos Operation" been explicitly labelled as the God he undoubtably is then doubtless the evil hag, and many others, would have cast dreadful curses upon Graham Williams and the BBC for their subversion of Christian doctrine. The idea that God and the Devil were equals! In many ways the same being! Functions of the universe "…as long as we are needed" rather than the other way around! "Doctor Who"’s continuity goes up the spout often enough, but its conception of the universe, Gods and the like, makes a sort of weird sense. Briefly then, here is the supernatural according to "Doctor Who" [In my opinion]. I make no mention of "The Ghosts of N-Space"- it was a Missing Adventure, with all the dubious veracity that flows from the house of The Balloon Man, long before it took to BBC radio, and is thus a radio adaptation of a book, not a serial which has been novelised.

In the beginning, all was chaos. Two forces, a positive and a negative. In the instant of their creation they clashed, their elemental structure colliding and merging, only their essence remaining, their spirit. In that instant of conflict, an echo of their own future, a block of matter, was projected into their fiery destruction and dispersed it. The broken forms shattered, infinite power dispersed to infinity. The energy began to form patterns, distinct waves, waves which repelled and attracted other waves in interesting ways. These were called matter. This matter was a conflict of the two forces of good and evil, and so, at the heart of every sub-atomic particle, where dimensions are reduced to such an extent that space and time blur together into meaningless energy, in this vortex of space and time, a division occurred. Two power sources. Such was the energy and vitality of these potentials that they became aware and, though they had no corporeal form, possessed the ability to reach forth into the macro universe with all the power of fully half of space-time. These were not the creators of the universe, but its Gods, its Guardians, each the essence of their half of the unique structure, and, in their struggle, the keepers of the balance which held the universe together. The fate of the original creating essences, now bodiless, was shrouded in mystery. Of course, although the potential powers of the Guardians were equal, they could not confront one another directly, for that would destroy the whole of creation, and simply begin the whole process again, so it was necessary to employ agents. Whether by chance or design, at this point certain chemical compounds began co-operating in rather amazing ways, to produce complicated structures, structures which would eventually get around to calling themselves ‘life’. Now, ‘life’, once it developed sufficient awareness, was a perfect tool for the Guardians. It could direct its own actions, so no direct conflict would ever again be necessary, and each independent component of ‘life’- an organism, had aspects to its awareness which would, by default, render it easily swayable by one or the other of the Guardians. Tremendous wars were fought between races which now are only known by the relics of their past. The destructive effect of these wars was such that, as they continued, so they decreased in size as the creatures that fought grew less powerful. Only a few of the warriors of the early wars survived, immortal beings of immense power, Light Beings and Dark Beings, collectively Eternals. The last, and smallest, was fought over ten million years ago, between just two races of immense power- the Gallifreyans and the Vampires. The balance was nearly restored when the Gallifreyans were victorious, the last victory having been that of the forces of darkness, but their leader, a great man named Rassilon, went alone into the wasteland that was his world to confer with the Guardians. Finally, in order that there should be no more such wars, he created a great crystal, the Key to Time, which would contain the greater part of the energy potential of the universe, devoid of allegiance. Should the balance be disrupted sufficiently in favour of one Guardian then, in place of the horrific wars that had racked the galaxy for thousands of millions of years, it would be the task of one only, one agent of the other Guardian to find that key, splintered as it would be amidst the fabric of space-time, and bring its power, temporarily, to the aid of his Guardian, in order that the balance should be restored. That this agent should be mortal would be guarantee enough that he would then dispel the key before the Guardian could turn it to greater advantage. The Guardians consented to Rassilon’s scheme, but the Guardian of Light demanded a price. At some distant time one would arise from his people, a champion of the force of light, and his body and mind should embody that essence of original Light. This being would go forth, and would bring a great salvation to the universe, but would, in his final fall into evil, destroy all Gallifrey. Rassilon consented to pay this price, in order that the universe should live, and the Guardians’ influence ceased to be felt amongst the lives of mortals. For a time.

Now, during the Wars, great beings had been made, creatures of immense power. Eternals, they called themselves, for they lacked the blessing of mortality, and their thoughts stretched out across infinite space. When the Wars were concluded these beings were judged unworthy to exist within the cosmos, and the Guardians gave them a choice: expulsion, or imprisonment. Most chose to be expelled, and the Guardians expelled them, unmaking them, judging that creatures of such power would shatter the balance. However, such was the nature of these creatures that existence was not essential to them, and the mere idea of their existence sustained them. These beings, infinite, purposeless, uncaring, are the tragedy of our universe. They are eternal, and are yet without purpose, without drive, without existence. They journeyed through the cosmos, seeking worship, seeking belief, seeking understanding and knowledge to fill their empty infinite minds. Some constructed a device, beyond the confines of conceptual reality, a device which could analyse the very idea of belief, others played with the mortals they encountered. Empty, tragic beings. Of the other beings, the Demons, they were imprisoned within the world of the mind, so that only the minds of others could free them. Meanwhile a young boy grows up on a farm in Southern Gallifrey, with his unambitious aunt and uncle, and acquires the nickname Theta Sigma… a long time ago, and a galaxy far, far away.

Well, that’s it, and I apologise for the little Star Wars analogy; even Paul McGann was a better actor than Mark Hamill. So, you’ve got the Guardians, Fenric, the Toymaker, the Land of Fiction, the Gods of Ragnarok, the Eternals, the Vampire war and the Doctor/Valeyard/Doctor as God paradox all in one unified system, which still allows for the Doctor to spend most of his life as a cosmic hobo, wandering about through space and time and generally enjoying himself. However, as far as the Great Parrot of Hades goes… well, I’m sorry Captain, I’m afraid that’s just your bizarre imagination. And that Sky Demon thing too. Oh, and the Destroyer is one of the Dark Beings. Sutekh doesn’t really come into this list; he isn’t a God, just a nasty person with nasty ideas and a fetish for bandages and chairs with hands. Oh, and I just put in that implication that the Valeyard is going to destroy the Time Lords for the hell of it.