Don't ask me
What you know is true
Don't have to tell you
I love your precious heart
I...I was standing
You were there
Two worlds collided
And they could never tear us apart...
~INXS
~Never Tear Us Apart
Jade didn't want to wake up the next morning. Last night she didn't care about anything...only her hurt and her broken heart. But in the light of morning, everything had taken on a new perspective. She pulled the fluffy comforter over her head...reluctant to even move. He had to have heard her sobbing the night before. And he was sure to ask about it. God what would she tell him? Sorry about last night Howie...I just happen to be in love with you and the thought of you seeing another woman kills me? She snorted to herself. Yeah right...that would go over real well. The clock on her bedside table read 9:30. She had slept later than usual. Reluctantly, she threw the covers back and got out of bed.
Coffee...she wasn't worth anything in the morning without her coffee. She padded across the carpet and opened the door...looking like she was about to face a firing squad. Howie was already in the kitchen, talking on his cell phone and drinking her coffee. He smiled at her as she walked in.
"Yeah...okay...no, I gotta go now...Jade just woke up."
She tried to ignore his conversation but he was sitting right in front of her. She went over to the counter to get her coffee.
"I know...I'll be back tomorrow night...are you still meeting me at the airport? Okay good...I'll see you then....I miss you too."
Jade grimaced as she poured her coffee. No doubt he was talking to this Susan woman. Ugh...the bastard used the rest of her cream. He hung up the phone just as she turned around again.
"Did you sleep okay?," he asked right away.
"Fine," she mumbled.
"You know...cause I heard you...um...crying."
"Yeah."
"So I was wondering...did I...say something to upset you last night? You kinda bailed on me early and-"
"I'm fine," she answered quietly, sipping her coffee. She sat down across from him at the table, refusing to look at him. Instead she stared out the window.
"Nice pajamas," he teased. She glanced down at her pajamas...her favorite pair with the bright red chili peppers all over them.
"Shut up," she muttered, kicking him lightly under the table. They smiled at each other...teasing seemed to be safe ground. She resumed her gaze out the window...he stared into his coffee cup.
"So...do you want to talk about it?," he asked, his voice soft.
"Not really."
"Come on Jay...this is me. You tell me everything."
"It was nothing...just let it go."
"Does it have something to do with...um...you know...when you were in Orlando?"
"No!," she half shouted, "I mean...I thought we were forgetting that happened."
"Yeah...we are."
Howie studied her silently. Jade was a tiny woman, standing barely an inch over five feet tall. He didn't think she had ever weighed over 100 pounds. She looked like a small child sitting there, with the sleeves of her pajama top hanging past her wrists, her small hands curled around her coffee mug. Her auburn hair was sleep tousled, her blue eyes dull. He knew her too well...something was wrong with her. He could tell by the way she slumped her shoulders dejectedly...the crease in her forehead as she frowned. He reached across the table and took one of her cold hands between his.
"Jade...look at me," he whispered. She did as he asked...but he noticed the reluctance.
"If I did something to upset you...then I want you to tell me," he coaxed quietly. "We've never kept anything from each other, and I don't want you to start now. So tell me what's wrong."
Her hard glare softened a little...God she could get lost in his eyes. How could she have fooled herself for so long? She felt her eyes water a little...damn it all to hell, she was not going to cry. His thumb was lightly tracing circles in the center of her palm. She jerked her hand away from his and swung her eyes back to the window. He watched her carefully...watched her bite down on her lower lip. She only did that when she was trying not to cry. He sighed softly.
"Do you trust me?"
She looked at him again...her eyes wide with surprise. He knew better than to ask such a stupid question. The answer was all too obvious.
"You know I do," she whispered, closing her eyes.
"Then tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing."
"You think I'm stupid enough to believe that? Don't insult me Jaybird."
She still didn't say anything. Jade was stubborn...but she was never this stubborn. Whatever was bothering her must be bad. Usually she never hesitated in telling him anything. He frowned as he looked at her. He knew he shouldn't ask...but he had to know.
"Jade...do you love me?," he whispered.
All the blood drained from her face, her skin took on a sickly white color. Her eyes held the look of a deer caught in the glow of headlights...she suddenly looked terrified.
"W-what did you say?," she stammered out.
"You heard me."
Her spine straightened, she seemed to snap out of her melancholy mood.
"Do you love me?," she shot back defensively. He couldn't help but smile...Jade was gorgeous when she was angry. Her eyes turned a darker shade of blue...a sure sign of her annoyance. He'd rather see her mad than see her sulking.
"Of course I love you," he answered, as though he told her every day...when in fact, he'd never told her before. He liked the easy way it fell from his lips. "How could you doubt that?," he continued, "You're almost like a little sister to me."
"Oh really? Do you sleep with all your sisters?," she snapped. She clapped a hand over her mouth in shock as soon as the words left it. He glared at her.
"God...I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to-"
"You never do," he said quietly, "you don't think before you say anything. You never have...you just get mad and run your mouth and to hell with whoever you hurt in the process."
He stood up and walked to the sink, pouring the rest of his coffee down the drain.
"Howie..."
"I don't want to hear it Jade," he said, suddenly wishing for Susan's quiet demeanor. Susan rarely ever lost her temper.
"I'm sorry..."
"I know, but I just don't have the energy to argue with you right now," he replied, walking towards the door.
"Howie?"
He stopped at the soft sound of her voice, praying for patience. Sometimes she just didn't know when to quit.
"I do love you," she whispered. More than you'll ever know, she silently added.
He looked at her...her big eyes brimming with tears. There was only one thing in the world that could bring him to his knees...if this woman cried. He couldn't stand it. He went to her and kissed the top of her head.
"We're still okay," she said, leaning against him.
"Yeah...we're okay. We have to be...who else is gonna listen to me whine about my girlfriends?"
She sniffed a little and laughed, "AJ would."
"Only if it involved the bedroom."
"He's not that bad! You don't give him enough credit."
"Maybe not," he replied, "but he makes it so damn easy."
"Howie?"
"What?"
"Why didn't you ever tell them about me?"
"I don't know...I guess I wanted to keep you to myself. I don't have much that's mine alone...it's hard to have privacy when you're constantly with someone like I'm with the four of them. I guess I don't want to share you with them...I already share 99.9% of my life with them."
Her heart warmed at his explanation. His...just his. She was his...more than he knew. She understood his reasoning...it was the same reason that she'd never told anyone about him. Who'd believe her anyway? It didn't matter that he didn't love her the way she wanted him to. At least he did love her. It would have to be enough...then again, it had been enough for 20 years of her life. Nothing would change that. He was her best friend, her calm in the eye of the storm...her saving grace. She would be fine as long she had that.
"Come on," he said, pulling her to her feet, "go take a shower and get dressed. I want to go downtown today."
She grinned at him, "Aye aye captain."
Nothing more was said about what happened in the kitchen...nothing needed to be said. It was fixed...just like that. They could never stay mad at each other. They spent the rest of the day wandering around downtown San Antonio, then had a quiet dinner back at her house. It felt good...it felt normal.
Maybe they could put that night behind them...maybe things could be as they were. It certainly seemed as though
Howie had already let it go. But Jade knew better. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him...she wanted him more and
more with each passing minute. But being with him and laughing with him would have to be enough. The next day he
flew back to Orlando...back to his life, his family, his career...back to Susan. Still, she felt better. Nothing...no
one...could take the part of him that she did have away from her.
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