All I want to do is see you again
Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to see your sweet smile
Smile the way it was before
Well I'll try not to hold you
And I'll try not to kiss you
And I won't even touch you
Oh but we'll stay friendly
Like brother and sister
Though I think I still love you
All I want to do is see you
Don't you know it's true?
~Depeche Mode
~See You
The phone was already ringing when Jade stepped into her office, and it was only 7:30.
"Christ..we don't even open until eight," she mumbled to herself. She let it ring...but the shrill noise started to annoy her. Reluctantly, she picked up the phone.
"Jade Stanton," she barked into the receiver.
"Well good morning to you too."
"Howie."
"Who else?"
"What do you want?"
"Ugh...I almost forgot how chipper you are in the morning," he said sarcastically.
"Get bent...now what do you want?"
"Why do you think I want something?"
"Because it's 7:30 in the morning and you called me at work."
"Sorry...I forgot about the time difference...it's 8:30 here."
"Well...now that you figured that out Einstein...I'll repeat my question...what do you want?"
"Absolutely nothing."
"Well there's a change."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Jade sighed into the phone. For the last three months...it was Susan this and Susan that. Howie called her nearly every week with a new Susan request. He was constantly asking advice. Did she think Susan would rather go to an expensive restaurant or should he cook for her? Did she think Susan would like red roses or yellow ones? If she heard one more word about Susan...she would surely start pulling her hair out. She hadn't seen him in three months...and for as much as she missed him...she wanted to kill him. She was sick to death of Susan and she had never even met the woman.
"Nothing...it means nothing...forget I said it. How's the album coming?," she asked.
"Fine...great actually. We just got back from Sweden. How's work?"
"The usual."
"Listen...can I ask you something?" Oh Lord...here it comes.
"Go ahead," she sighed.
"Okay...Susan's birthday is next week, it's the day after mine...and I have no clue what to get her. I mean, it's only been what? Almost four months now I think? Anyway...what do you think? Is it too soon for jewelry? I was thinking maybe something small...you think gold or silver?"
"Howie...I want you to pay careful attention to what I'm about to say because I'm only going to say it once. Can you do that for me sweetie?," she asked, mock sweetness in her voice.
"Yes," he answered.
"Okay...I don't know what Susan likes...I do not know Susan. Therefore, I don't really give a damn what Susan likes or doesn't like. You're dating the woman...figure it out for yourself."
The words were harsh...more so than she meant them to be, and she immediately felt bad. She wanted to be happy for him...but each time he mentioned Susan, Jade felt like she wanted to die. She couldn't have him...she knew that...but she didn't want to hear about the person who did. He wasn't making it easy to forget that she loved him.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I didn't realize it bothered you so much. I just wanted your opinion...you're a woman...you know what women like."
She rolled her eyes and bent a paperclip in half, "Contrary to popular belief Howard...not all woman are alike...it's a stereotype."
"I'm sorry Jay...you're right."
"That's okay. I'm sure Susan is a very nice woman-"
"She is...she's so sweet Jay. You'd love her."
Sure I would...love her enough to scratch her eyes out.
"I'm sure I would," she mumbled, nearly choking on the words.
"I can't wait for you to meet her."
"Meet her?"
"Yeah...you're still coming out here for my birthday right?"
Shit...he actually expected her to go to Florida for his birthday. It wasn't unusual for him to assume that she'd be there. They always saw each other on their birthdays if his career allowed it. For the last three years, he had been so busy that they'd had to miss seeing each other. Now that he was home for a little while...he expected her there. She wanted to be there...more than anything in the world. She missed him. She missed him more now than she had in the three years that they hadn't seen each other. At least then she'd had the divorce proceedings to keep her occupied. Now she was simply bored.
There was only one thing that dulled the monotony of her life...and no one knew about it. Last month she had discovered a small club downtown. The atmosphere was wonderful...she adored the little place. The owner, Randy, had been a client of hers for several years. She didn't know how it happened, but suddenly she was singing as part of the house band every weekend. Mostly cover songs...but every now and then they'd throw in some songs that she'd written. The music was dark, depressing even...but she loved it. It was her way to unwind...her little secret.
"Howie...I just don't know if I can make it this year," she said slowly, "I can't leave Annalise by herself...there's a lot of end-of-summer parties coming in and-"
"It's okay Jay," he said, but she could hear the disappointment in his voice "I understand. When you gotta work...you gotta work. I'll miss you though."
He sounded so sad...so sad that she almost changed her mind. The simple truth of the matter was that she didn't know if she could trust herself. It was one thing to talk to him all the time, and even that hurt. But to be face to face with him again...and to be face to face with the oh so perfect Susan...she didn't know if she could do it. It had been hard enough to keep her distance the last time she'd seen him. Time only makes the heart grow fonder...she loved him now more than she had before. Jealousy was eating her up inside. She had to hear about it...but she sure as hell didn't want to see it. She was still healing from the 'mistake' they'd supposedly made...still healing from her broken heart.
"I'm sorry," she told him, feeling horrible for lying to him.
"Hey..it's okay...don't worry about it."
"Howie...really-"
"I gotta go Jay...I need to be at the studio in twenty minutes."
"Okay then...bye."
"Bye sweetie...I'll call you later."
She sat there with the dial tone blaring in her ear for a few minutes. That hadn't gone so well...he was pissed. Damn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Howie hung up the phone. He just wanted to see her again. His Jay...the way she used to be. He wasn't stupid...she'd sounded depressed for the last few months. He never asked what was wrong with her...he was afraid of the answer...afraid that it would somehow lead back to...he closed his eyes, refusing to think about it. God...if she would only talk to him. Jade never kept anything from him. She always came to him...no matter what the problem was. He knew something was bothering her...something she was keeping inside...why wouldn't she just come to him? She always had before.
And now she wasn't coming for his birthday. He didn't believe her excuse...that she had to work...he knew she was covering something up. Was she mad at him? What had he done? It couldn't be that one night...they'd settled that while he was in Texas. She had been fine with everything then. He was worried about her...he hadn't seen her like this since she'd found out about Spencer's affair. If he could only see her...hug her and make everything okay.
He walked upstairs to his bedroom, where Susan was still sleeping in his bed. He leaned against the doorframe and stared at her. She was the exact opposite of everything that Jade was. Quiet, unassuming, calm...Susan never demanded, never asked questions. Jade had a personality like an explosion...her temper was quick, she was sassy and sometimes snide. Susan was optimistic and cheerful...she always looked at the bright side of life. Jade tended to see only the negative. Susan was shy, simple, and cute...hell, she was boring. Almost mousy even...but so sweet and loving.
He was still wrestling with his feelings for Jade, scared to death of them. For years he had waited for the "right time" to be with her, always wondering if they could actually make it work between them. Then she had married Spencer and he had given up. Now he didn't know what the hell to think. He'd never trade their one night together for anything...he knew that. But Jade was like a walking powder keg of emotion...Susan was definitely safer. Besides...Jade wasn't in love with him. She never had been. He simply had to stop loving her.
Three months ago he had been positive that he wasn't in love with her...that it had long since faded. But after hearing the pain in her voice, and not knowing the source of it, his first instinct was to get on a plane and fly to Texas. He told himself that it was only because she was his closest friend...he cared about her...but he knew it went deeper than that. He refused to admit it to himself. He just wanted to see her again...that's all...nothing more. Just be there with her and make her smile, make her laugh, kiss her sweet mouth...he closed his eyes and pushed that thought away. That's not what he wanted. Never again.
Susan suddenly stirred and rolled over, opening her warm brown eyes. She smiled when she saw him standing in the
doorway. He smiled back...pushing Jade out of his mind. Yes, Susan was good for him. He and Jade had absolutely no
business being together.
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