Down in a hole and they've put all the stones in their place
I've eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more of my feelings beneath
Oh I want to be inside of you
Down in a hole...losin' my soul
Down in a hole...feelin' so small
Down in a hole...losin' my soul
Down in a hole...out of control
I'd like to fly
But my wings have been so denied...
~Alice In Chains
~Down In A Hole
Howie glanced nervously over at Jade. She was slumped in the passenger seat, staring dejectedly out the window. She hadn't spoken a word to him since leaving the office. The deafening silence stretching between them was rapidly becoming uncomfortable. Howie desperately wanted to ask about Spencer, and after a few more minutes of pondering why Jade's ex-husband was suddenly back in her life...the suspense of the situation caught up with him.
"Why is Spencer here?," he asked quietly.
"Hmm?"
"Spencer."
"Oh...that," she mumbled distractedly. "Does it matter?"
"Of course it matters Jay," he nearly snapped, his tone harder than he'd intended it to be.
Jade stared at him...had she actually heard jealousy in his voice? Was it too much to hope for? Given the emotional evening she'd had, the posibility that she was hearing things now was very likely.
"Why does it matter?"
"Do I have to remind you of the things he did to you?"
"I'm perfectly aware of those things," she answered.
"And you still let him in your house?"
Jade sighed...she was too drained to argue with him. "It's really none of your business Howie."
His temper exploded. How could she say that? "The hell it isn't Jade!," he yelled. "I was the one who scraped your ass off the floor when he dropped you on your ass! It was me who picked up the pieces of your broken heart! I'm the one who had to listen to you crying whenever he smacked you around! You called me when he didn't come home at night! I was the one-"
"Shut up!," she screamed. "How the fuck do you know what went on? You weren't around remember? You were on tour like you always were! Don't even think that just because I told you a few things over the phone that you know everything about my marriage!"
"Well I do know that it didn't work the first time, so it sure as hell isn't going to work this time!"
Jade's eyes widened...he actually thought that she had taken Spencer back? Oh that was funny. And there it was again...jealousy...she was positive. Should she tell him he truth? Or should she play along with it...let him feel the way she'd been feeling for weeks. She was angry enough at the moment to go with the former.
"You don't know that," she said. "Things could be different this time."
"I can't believe you're telling me this. Have you completely gone insane?"
"Look...if it bothers you, then go back to Orlando. I don't need you here...I've managed perfectly fine without you over the last month," she lied.
"Yeah right...that's why you hung up on me when I told you I couldn't make it this weekend."
"I got over it."
"Whatever."
"Go fuck yourself."
"I don't have to."
"Oh right...I almost forgot about Susanna."
"Susan," he corrected.
"Whatever. Why are you here anyway? I thought you were meeting her parents."
"Susan has this insane notion that I actually give a shit about you. She told me to come out here."
"Oh, so now she's ordering you around. That's attractive."
Howie swung the car into her driveway and shut the engine off. His eyes were narrowed into an angry glare when he looked at her. "You are a spoiled little bitch, you know that? I came here because you wanted me to be here...not because Susan told me to. And you are seriously making me wish that I'd just stayed there."
"Yeah? Well guess what?," she hissed. "I'm seriously starting to regret wanting you here in the first place!"
The glared at each other, with 20 years of friendship falling to pieces between them. Never had they said such deliberately cruel things to each other. Frustration and intense feelings had finally boiled over, errupting in a heated rush. They were channeling years of pent up emotion through anger. All that they felt for each other was being directed in the wrong way...something that made them both a little sick. Jade wanted to die right there on the spot. This wasn't right...she did want him there. She wanted to throw her arms around him...wanted him to hold her as he had back in her office. Finally, when she just couldn't take any more of his furious glare, she got out of the car and ran into the house.
She slammed the front door and stood with her back to it, breathing heavily and trying to calm her nerves. How could she have said those things to him? They'd never been so hateful to each other. What was wrong with her today? And why was she still so angry at him? He came to see her...he wasn't with Susan. She'd gotten everything she wanted...so why did she still feel like screaming at him? She heard the car start up again and drive away, and her temper shot through the roof. So he was running away now. Fine...if that's the way he wanted to be...two could play at this game. She'd show him what real hell felt like.
"Spencer? You still here?"
"In the kitchen!"
Jade went into the kitchen and found Spencer standing at the stove. Heavenly smells filled the entire kitchen, Jade smiled. The only thing she had missed from her marriage was Spencer's fabulous lasagne.
"I'm making diinner," he said. "I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all," she answered, pouring herself a drink. She kicked her shoes off and sat down at the table, grateful to be relaxing.
"Your friend came by a few hours ago," Spencer commented. "He seemed a little upset."
Jade shook her head...Spencer had always refused to call Howie by name, always insisting on saying "your friend" instead.
"I know," Jade answered. "He gave me a ride home." Wait a minute...he just left. He'd given her a ride home alright...but he'd been driving her car.
"Son of a bitch," she muttered. "He has my damn car."
Spencer gave her an incredulous look. "You let him take your car?"
"No I didn't let him," she snapped. "He just drove off in it."
"You want me to call the police?"
"Of course not...he'll bring it back. Eventually." I hope...
Spencer shrugged and resumed chopping tomatoes. "So, how was your day?"
"Fine. Spencer? Will you do me a favor?"
"That depends...what's up?"
"You'll have to stick around for a few more days."
"I'm listening."
Jade explained her plan, digging herself in deeper and deeper with every word. Still, she'd made the decision to do this...no matter how vindictive it was. She didn't see the sardonic smile on Spencer's face as she spoke. If she had, she may have thought twice about her plan. But by the time she finished talking, she was already starting to regret the whole thing. Instead, she was worrying about Howie. Where could he have gone? Was he okay? She wanted to apologize to him, to work this out. But Spencer sealed her fate with three words.
"Count me in."
Jade offered a weak smile, but somehow he thought didn't seem as appealing as it had a few minutes ago. Good Lord what was she doing?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Howie was still fuming when he pulled up in Annalise's driveway. AJ had seemed less than thrilled when Howie had spoken to him on the phone a few minutes ago, but thankfully, Annalise had sympathized. He could've always stayed at a hotel, but for some reason, he didn't feel like staying by himself tonight. Tomorrow morning he'd take Jade's car back to her, then he'd go home. Back to Susan. Hell, she may be boring, but at least she doesn't scream at me, he thought to himself as he walked to the front door.
Annalise answered the door, wearing only her short bathrobe. "Come on in," she invited, smiling a little.
"Did I interrupt something?," he asked, embarrassed.
"Yeah...but don't worry about it."
Howie lifted an eyebrow in question when AJ bounded down the stairs, bare chested, his jeans unbuttoned and his hair tousled. Had all the scheming he and Jade had done over the last few months finally worked? He watched as AJ wrapped his arms around Annalise's waist and whispered something in her ear. Anna just rolled her eyes and pushed him away...but Howie noticed the slight smile on her face as she did. Something didn't seem right to him...they were way too familiar with each other.
"How long has this been going on?," he asked.
AJ laughed, "Man D...you and Jade are slow."
"Seven months," Annalise replied at the same time.
Howie turned accusing eyes towards his best friend. "And you didn't tell me? All this time I've been ragging on you to ask her out and you didn't bother to tell me?"
AJ shrugged and pointed at Annalise. "Talk to her about that...she wouldn't let me tell anyone."
"Oh shut up," Annalise groaned. "I had a good reason."
"Sure you did," AJ muttered, rolling his eyes.
She stuck her tongue out at him. Their playful teasing sent a blind wave of sadness coursing through Howie's system. Under normal circumstances...he'd be teasing Jade like that. But things weren't normal. They hadn't been normal for a very long time. A wave of despair settled over him...suddenly all he wanted was to get away from these two.
"Thanks for letting me stay," he said, interrupting their teasing.
Annalise looked at him, observed the miserable look on his face...matching it to the identical one Jade had been wearing lately. "No problem," she said, feeling genuinely sorry for the situation he and Jade had put themselves in. "You can stay in one of the guest bedrooms. I don't care which one...there's four of them on the second floor."
He nodded his thanks, then left the room, climbing up the stairs to the second floor. He chose the first bedroom he came to and stretched out across the bed...lost in thought. He couldn't remember ever feeling so lost...he wished he could turn back time. He wanted to call her and take back everything thathe'd said to her...every spiteful word of it. But he couldn't...she had Spencer. Spencer...Howie hated him. Just saying the man's name left a bitter taste in his mouth. The thought of the abuse Jade had suffered by that man's hands...what in God's name was she thinking?
Howie wanted to go back to her...to talk some sense to her...to hold her again. Vaguely he realized that she simply felt
right in his arms. He knew better...if he went back now he'd more than likely get the door slammed in his face. Jade
had an awful temper...it would probably be better if he waited and saw her in the morning. Maybe they could
talk...find some way to fix this. Still, the feeling of hopelessness stayed with him throughout the night.
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