Annalise tapped her pen against the top of her stapler, staring down at her desk calendar. November already. It had been seven long months since the first time she had encountered Hurricane AJ. He had blown into her life and smashed it to pieces. Their affair had continued...although it was much different than the original terms she had thrown down. Why had she ever agreed to "just his once"? She thought back to that day in Orlando...that one day spent at his house. That had been the turning point in her relationship with AJ. Afterwards, she had been unable to remain detached. She had come back to Texas, hoping to find peace by finding her constructed little life the exact same way she had left it. Then he had shown up on her doorstep three days later, no doubt with Jade's help, offering no explanation.
He spent another week with her, driving her crazy...always talking, constantly pressing her for information about her life. She threw him out...he came right back in through the open window in the dining room. From that point on, she always left all the downstairs windows shut and locked. It didn't matter...when she threw him out again, he sat out on the front porch for six hours until she relented and let him back in. The third time, he actually went back to Florida, only to return two days later with an armful of roses and a lopsided grin. Finally, she just gave up. Gradually, she began to tell him little details...trivial things like her favorite foods and colors. She took him to her favorite places around town, awed by his patience with fans who recognized him. He even accompanied her to the tattoo shop...she let him watch as she had the finishing touches added to her back piece. Little by little, more important things came out. It seemed natural to tell him her fears and desires, her hopes and dreams. He held nothing back from her...she knew him like the back of her hand. It was easy to open up to him, he listened and never judged. He visited her as often as time would allow. The Backstreet Boys were working on a new album, she knew his free time was scarce, and she wondered why he chose to spend it with her, especially when she knew that he could have any woman he wanted...a woman who could love him the way he deserved. She was still reluctant to trust him completely, yet he still kept coming back, taking what precious little she was willing to give. She had to admit that she cared about him more than she ever thought she would, though she had never voiced her feelings. He had become more than just the guy she was sleeping with from time to time. Now he was....a friend...with benefits. She smiled to herself at the thought. That was a crude way of putting it....but true. After spending time with him on several different occasions, she had come to learn his habits, good and bad, and all his little idiosyncrasies...the way he constantly played with the jewelry he wore, the way he incessantly drummed his fingers on every surface imaginable when impatient, the way he chewed his fingernails down to the cuticle. He drove her crazy...and she genuinely enjoyed spending time with him. His charm was irresistable, his humor infectious. If anyone had discovered the nature of their relationship, it was never mentioned. Ironically enough, Annalise had kept in touch with Kevin, forming a friendship based on playful banter and insane phone bills...if he knew anything, he never let on. She knew Jade had her suspicions...but her own life was bordering on spinning out of control. Something major had happened with Howie, but Jade wouldn't talk about it, not even after she had confessed that she had known Howie for nearly 20 years. No matter hard she tried to get her to talk, Jade wouldn't say anything else, and Annalise wouldn't push her...when Jade was ready to talk, she would.
It was already November. Jade's birthday was one week away. The day before, she had stormed into Annalise's office in tears, nearly hysterical.
"He's not coming for my birthday," she wailed.
"Who?"
"Howie! He's never missed my birthday...not once since I was five years old."
"You know they're busy right now Jay," Annalise stated calmly, passing her a tissue, "The new album is being released in three weeks...they have to promote it."
"That's not why he's not coming."
"Then what is it?"
"He's seeing someone...she's taking him to meet her parents this weekend."
"And that bothers you? I thought you were just friends."
"Damnit we are! I should be happy for him, but I'm really a little jealous. He's my best friend Anna...I've had him all to myself for the last six years. He's always made time for me before. Oh sure he always dated...but nothing serious you know?" She paused to sniff, then went on, "But this must be serious if he's ditching me to go meet her parents."
Annalise didn't know what to say. There was obviously something beneath the surface between those two, and quite frankly, the situation confused her. Until Jade was willing to tell her the whole story, there wasn't much that Annalise could do to comfort her, other than provide a shoulder for to cry on. Jade's situation got her thinking. Obviously, Jade had taken Howie's friendship for granted, assuming that it would always be there. Wasn't she doing the same thing with AJ? Granted, the feelings involved were much more intense, but Annalise knew that it couldn't go on the way it had been forever. If the relationship didn't progress, she would lose AJ all together. She didn't want that. Assuming that he would stick around, when he had made it clear that he needed more...would be stupid. She had to talk to him...to tell him...what? That she cared about him? That she valued his friendship? That she loved him? Wait a minute...back up. She most certainly did not love him. No way. Falling in love was as good as suicide...she just wouldn't have it. Sighng heavily, she decided it was time to go home. She couldn't resolve her problems sitting in her office all night. Most of the crew had gone home, but Jade's office light was still on. Annalise closed her office up and walked down the hall to Jade's, intending to say a quick goodbye before heading out.
She stopped dead in her tracks in the hallway, as though she had suddenly walked into a brick wall. She seemed frozen to the spot...her throat closed painfully as she tried to swallow. AJ and Jade were inside the office, locked in a passionate embrace, kissing like long lost lovers reunited. AJ's hands were deftly unbuttoning Jade's shirt, while she fumbled with his belt. Annalise suddenly felt sick...he had never kissed her like that. Hell, he had never kissed her...she would never let him...that was the one rule she had clung to. Her vision blurred as unexpected tears sprang to her eyes.
She had to get away. She turned quietly and left the building, her presence undetected. Her hands were shaking as she gripped the steering wheel. The rain started as soon as she exited the parking lot, a furious downpour...mimicking her tears. She drove for what seemed like forever, and when she finally reached her house, she was sobbing. She didn't bother turning any lights on when she went inside. She fled to the comfort of her spacious bedroom, pulling her wet clothes off immediately. She pulled an old tank top over her head and stood in the center of her room. The bed looked too univiting, she could still picture him there. Instead, she opted for the windowseat. A thousand questions plagued her mind. How long had they been seeing each other? Was he with her now? Was Jade able to give him what she couldn't? Why had they been carrying on like that, when surely Jade knew that she was just down the hall in her office? Did she deserve this in some way? Did she bring it all on herself? If there were no expectations, no strings...then why did she care? Why did it hurt so much?
The answer to the last two questions cam easily enough. It washed over her like dawn on a new day. She had been
stupid enough to fall in love with him. She hated herself for it. Not even trying to remain emotionally numb had
stopped it. Would she ever learn? It was all over now. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of ending it. No...the
finally smack in the face would come from her. He would come, she knew. He was in town, so he would come. And
when he did, she would let him go. She wouldn't share him, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of thinking she
cared. Let him stay with Jade. She had to let go. Had he done this on purpose? After all the time he had spent getting
her to share her life with him...to trust him. Was he really that insensitive? She didn't think so...but it didn't matter. She
would go on like she always had. Get out now, and pick up the pieces later.
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