Annalise waited, watching out the window. He showed up, just as she thought he would...three hours later. She was calm by then, and ready to face him. He hugged her when she let him in...she didn't return it.
"Lise? What is it?"
She pulled away from him and walked into the den, knowing he would follow. She paced in front of the fireplace, trying to think of what to say. AJ chose to remain standing as well, suddenly nervous. Something was wrong...very wrong. Annalise still wasn't talking, she was staring at the carpet.
"Listen, uh...I've been thinking a lot lately," he finally said, when it became painfully obvious that she wasn't going to speak first.
"Yeah...me too," she replied in a quiet voice. She still wasn't looking at him, and he suddenly felt the fiirst pangs of panic taking over. Then he just started talking, and so did she. Suddenly they were talking over each other in rushed sentences.
"I know we agreed that this would just be a physical thing-"
"I don't know where we thought we were going with this but-"
"But I can't keep doing this anymore. I was crazy to keep deluding myself-"
"This is just going no where fast and I think it's pointless to stay on a sinking ship-"
"I kept telling myself that you weren't worth the trouble-"
"Maybe it's just run its course...so-"
"I was lying to myself Lise...totally lying. I'm tired of running around in circles-"
"I think it's just time to-"
"I have to tell you something, and I'm afraid to admit this but-"
"We should end this now."
"I love you."
"What!?!?," they exclaimed at the same time.
Their eyes met and locked, wide with suprise. Dead silence hung in the air. AJ finally closed his eyes, unable to look at her any longer. He didn't think it was possible to hurt so much. He had been so positive that she had finally excepted him...so positive that she loved him...and now this. She wanted out. He opened his eyes again, only to find hers staring back at him, bright with unshed tears. The mere sight of her with tears in her eyes broke his heart to pieces. Enough was enough. He had to make her stop punishing herself.
Annalise was fighting back tears, trying to summon up the bravado that she didn't have. Damn him anyway...why did he have to be so beautiful? Why did he have to say that? Her plan for vinidcation was shot to hell...and it was all his fault. He had blown it out of the water with three little words. She wanted to kill him. But when he crossed the room and hauled her up against his chest, she didn't back away. Instead she just stood there in the circle of his arms. One of his hands was in her hair, the other settled in the small of her back. She could feel its heat seeping through the thin material of her tank top.
"No...no...no," he whispered against the top of her head, his voice rough with raw emotion, "this is not going to happen okay? You're going to let me love you, and you're going to love me back. That's all there is to it."
Well, at least he had succeeded in convincing himself of that. She was suprised to hear the small hitch in his voice. Had she bothered to look, she would have seen him blinking back tears. But she didn't look. She kept her eyes lowered, her forehead resting against his chest.
"You can't AJ...you can't love me."
"Annalise-"
"No...what the hell is this anyway? Why me? There are thousands of girls out there who would probably kill for a chance with you. Models, actresses...drop dead gorgeous women with fake boobs and Cover Girl endorsements...why on earth-"
"Is that what this is about? Lord Anna...you know me better than that. I don't give a damn about saline queens and lipstick junkies. You have what they don't...you've got my heart Lise...it's yours."
She was almost able to believe him...it felt so right to be there in his arms and hear the things he was saying. Then she remembered what had started this whole thing in the first place...Jade.
"You're lying," she whispered.
AJ was running out of things to say. Annalise was normally difficult...but never this much so. He was frustrated. He did the only thing he could think of that was left to do. AJ did the complete unthinkable...he caught her face between his hands and kissed her full on the mouth. Annalise thought she was dying...it certainly felt that way. Only heaven could compare to this. His lips were oh so soft, and so perfect. There was more feeling in that one kiss than there had been in anything he had given her before. Months of pent up emotion fueled it. He loved her, he needed her, he wanted her...he had been kissing her best friend like this just hours earlier. She pushed herself away from him, then slapped him across his face as hard as she could. She didn't give herself time to think about it...she just reacted.
"Jesus Annalise! What the hell was that for?," he demanded, holding a hand to his burning face.
"I'm not stupid AJ...you were with Jade."
The color drained from his face, he slumped down onto the sofa and held his head in his hands.
"You saw that?," he asked softly.
"Damn right I did," she snapped.
"And I guess you wouldn't believe me if I told you nothing happened, would you?"
"Hell no...I saw...I saw-," she couldn't finish the sentence...it hurt too much to think about, and she was determined not to cry in front of him.
"I don't know what that was...honestly. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. I was there to suprise you...and I stopped by to say hi to her and she was crying and upset...and God...I don't know..."
"I would've thought that you could do better than that."
"I probably could...if I was giving you a lame excuse. I'm not...I'm telling you the truth."
"I'm listening."
"Okay...so the next thing I know, she's sobbing all over me...mumbling something about Howie and being alone...she came on to me Anna. She kissed me...and I was so busy pretending that it was you that I didn't really realize what we were doing. She did...she slapped me and accused me of trying to take advantage of her, just like Howie did...whatever that means." He rubbed his injured cheek and sighed heavily. "Twice on the same night," he muttered, "couldn't you have at least slapped the other side?"
"Oh poor baby," she snapped, "get out of my house."
"Oh no...we're not doing this again are we?"
"Out!"
"Okay...but I'll just keep coming back...you know that. I love you Annalise. I'm not going away."
His dark eyes were pleading with her, begging her to believe him. She had to look away from him. Her lower lip quivered...she couldn't stop it anymore. Tears spilled over her cheeks. Was he telling the truth? She knew that Jade had some serious issues right now...most of them centered around Howie. Whatever they were...had she tried to substitute AJ for Howie in a brief moment of desperation? She looked at AJ again...she knew him. He loved her, she believed that. She also knew that he wouldn't purposely hurt her if he loved her. She believed him...she felt stupid for believing him.
When he put his arms around her again, she didn't fight it...she just sobbed on his shoulder. Annalise never took risks, but she'd have to this time. She couldn't let him go yet...not when she had just discovered her love for him. If he was in fact, lying to her, and if he hurt her later on...then so be it. Right now all she could think about was giving him...giving her...a chance. Just this once. She'd face the consequences later. No one had ever made her feel the way that AJ did, and she realized that even if it didn't work...she wanted it for as long as she could have it. For once in her life, she'd trust her instincts...she rely on faith alone.
"I love you," she whispered softly...so softly that he almost didn't hear her.
He smiled at her, kissing her tears away, "I know that...I've known that for a long time."
She rolled her eyes and playfully socked him in the stomach.
"If you're lying to me-"
"I'm not."
"If anything like that ever happens again-"
"It won't."
"If it does-"
"It won't Anna."
His silenced her with another long kiss, leaving her breathless. It was enough to make her forget her concerns...for the moment. Smiling at him, she took his hand and started leading him towards the kitchen.
"Come on...your face needs some ice."
He tugged her back and pushed her against the wall, kissing her again and again. He just couldn't stop...the many times he had fantasized about kissing those pouty lips had been nothing compared to the real thing. He wanted to kiss her forever. She was laughing when he finally pulled away from her.
"No ice?," she giggled.
"Nope...forget the ice. Unless..." She arched an eyebrow at the mischievous smile on his face.
"On second thought," he said, "get the ice..."
"No...AJ...no ice...come back here!"
He was already in the kitchen, rummaging around in her freezer. Once he had the ice, he grabbed her hand and led her
upstairs to her bedroom.
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