So, you still don't know who Brandon Partin is yet. Well, I shall tell you.

1. A desolate loner, vagabond, and skilled gynecologist, Brandon roamed the streets of Los Angeles for over twelve years before settling down in a small culdesac located in the heart of South Central L.A.. He currently runs and owns a pawn shop where he writes poetry under the assumed name "Sheila Augnerock". There, he writes about the troubles of being a down-and-out citizen of the Hollwood elite. He still remains wildly popular in eastern Czechoslavakia and southern Budapest.

2. Earlier today, Brandon Partin unveiled his greatest scientific discovery to a roomfull of scientists and scholars. Unfortunately for Brandon, the discovery was only a Spam sandwich and some shell fragments shaped to look like Ohio. When I tried to reach Brandon for comment, he would only spurt out incoherrent sentences and sound effects from South Korea?

3. Why do thousands of people flock to Mecca? Why do so many people believe in the "man on the moon"? How do nerve impulses in the brain work? Does Brandon Partin know the answers?
No.

4. A qoute from the Brandon Partin memiours, Brandon Partin, the life of a trandy wuss
"today i felt like killing myself. then, an old friend of mine called. so i killed him instead.

5. Did you ever wonder why Brandon always has an axe in his hand? Me neither. Just asking.

6. Brandon Partin wrote a German screenplay for the Canadian film festival titled "Der Haus und Funkyshit 2000". The film stars Germany's best actor, Gunter Huskerdu, along side the sensuous Gilda Forkenshiemer. The movie has no plot or dialog and contains four hours of Gunter and Gilda throwing potato chips at a dead monkey.

7. Brandon Partin lived on a cloud. There, he lived the greatest life of all, watching all the street cars pass. No one dared object to a god. He lived in peace for centuries on end, never caring which way the wind blew or how many people died.

8. A coal miner's daughter, Brandon Partin built the Louvre in Paris, France. It was later disassembled and put back together in his home state of North Guffaw, Tenessee. The "Louvre" seen now in France is merely a shoddy duplicate, that uses form, shape, geometry, color, and texture, unlike Brandon's, which uses Spam and toothpicks.

9. Golfing, swimming and tennis pro, Brandon could easily pass as a legend in our current society. Why isn't he? Because none of this is true.

10. Brandon Partin destroyed all the Blue Meanies thanks to his Yellow Submarine.

Official Brandon Partin Web Site | Michael Scudder presents...