MESSAGE BOARD

10/15/01 - Drewpy....that's right.....Drewpy

So um, hi, I guess. You do remember me, right? You know, Drewpy, the guy who started this "site?" Yes, that's right, I'm also the one with the rash, prick. In case you were wondering, that last post was apparently mine. You see, a couple days ago, I had a revelation. I looked around and didn't recognize my surroundings, I smelled like the business end of musk ox, and my right index finger was stuck in the redneck "I'm pointin' at ya cause I know ya" position. To that effect, it still is. It was at this point when I realized that the past 4 months hadn't been a sick bizarre nightmare, they were my pathetic reality. I tried to update the page in fear that it would be abandoned, but my lack of technology over the summer caused me to flip out and smash the computer.......ok, I didn't smash it, but I did give it one hell of a shiner, beotch. The end result is that Drewpy is back, though scarred for life. I no longer dwell in that pisshole of a dorm room, I've finally moved on, to a pisshole of a LOG EFFIN' CABIN. No kitchen, no grounded outlets, hell, I barely have a floor, and worst of all, no internet. I swear to you, the only way I could get this message out was with a carrier pigeon plugged into an ordinary wall outlet. The pigeon had nothing to do with posting this, but it did give me my motivation to type. So, you might be asking yourself, "Am I gay for thinking that unicorns totally kick ass?" If so, yes, yes you are. You might also be asking, "What the shit did Drewpy do all summer while not updating the Establishment?" Answer: Drewpy worked in a factory, a bun factory, I got paid to haul my buns in the literal sense. Friends, this was an experience I don't wish upon my worst enemy, he gets the "wiffle bat to the jimmy" treatment. But for my second worst enemy, here's what you have in store. First off, you have to wear all white, like a doctor, only instead of getting paid ridiculous amounts of money to heal the sick, you get paid a shiny nickel to run around in 100 degree temperatures making goddam McDonald's buns. You know who you work with? FREAKS. There MIGHT have been a whole set of teeth if you put everyone's "teeth" together, and I'll be damned if there weren't two female employees named BUBBA. One of the Bubbas even had a sweet-ass goatee. And out in the parking lot, yep, you guessed it, more 1986 Camaros than a Chevrolet factory............IN 1986! Oh, and by the way, if I ever see someone make that "I'm breakin' an imaginary stick at you so you know it's time for break" gesture again, I'll fucking snap like that dude's leg in Bloodsport.

There, that should hold you over for a bit, I've got to save some material for the future, afterall, the future is all we've got. Well, that and a bad case of genital warts but that's neither here nor there. Tell your friends, or failing that, the people who are giving you a wedgie, the ESTABLISHMENT is back in business.

10/12/01 - ???

Unnngghhh..........what the shit just happened? Why the holy-hell am I wearing flannel? WHY are you looking at me like that? RRRRAAAARR, Hulk smash!...

10/11/01 - mightymjolnir

It's been a month since the terrorist attacks on the US, and some of you may be wondering what you can do to help. If I could offer one key piece of advice, it would be this: Become a NINJA. A wise man once said, "You can never have too many ninjas." Also, several businesses, including those in your area, offer special discounts for ninjas. However, I understand that not everyone posesses the stealth and cat-like reflexes the dark art of ninjitsu requires. For those less talented, services are required in the process of rooting out those terrorists still in the United States. I recommend setting up your very own sting operations in everyday scenarios, using subtlety and just the right questions. You should refer to the following examples:

mightymjolnir:  I'll have a #9 with no tomatoes, for certain reasons.

Drive-Thru Attendant:   Would you like any Mild, Hot, or Fire Sauce?

mm:  What are you, some kind of TERRORIST?

DTA:  No.

mm:  Tell that to the MAN.

Instructor:  ...and so, after careful research, we discover that Sloth's real name is "Lotney Fratelli." Are there any questions?

mm:  Do you love your country?

Instructor:  Um, yes, I suppose so.

mm:  What's that? You "SUPPOSE" so? I'm sorry, I'm not sure if me and my capitalist pig-dog friends heard you correctly.

(As you point to the people around you, some of them might hide their heads or leave. This is because they want to express their patriotism in private.)

Instructor:  Well, yes, I love my country.

mm:  Nice try, SCUD-pants. I ain't buyin' it.

Cashier:  Will that be paper or plastic, sir?

mm:  Since I am an AMERICAN, and because I love AMERICA, I shall have plastic bags. And what exactly are you looking at, Osama Bin-Bag-Boy?

Doctor:  What seems to be the problem today, mightymjolnir?

mm:  To protect myself and my fellow Americans, I would like to be tested for anthrax.

Doctor:  Sure...I'll get a lab tech to check you out.

mm:  Thanks doc. I sure hate the Al Qaeda terrorist network. Don't you?

Doctor:  Absolutely.

Four extra precautions, four probable terrorists plots thwarted. Now it's your turn, America.

9/27/01 - mightymjolnir

It's just like Peter Brady sang, "When it's time to change, you got to...Damn my sister's hot...no, not you, Jan, the NON-mongloid. Yeah, Marsha. Yeah baby...oh yeah..."

Wait a minute. Where was I...change...oh yeah. I archived all the shite that was up here since April. I was gonna call it "All The Shite That Was Up Here Since April," but I decided to go abstract and just call it "Summer." Tit. Anywho, I thought it would be a good idea to bury that last angry gun-toting post under so much Fresh Step™. Worry not, faithful ESTABLISHMENT...um..IANS. This site will remain a big Red White and Blue mullet, ever-protecting the sensitive nape of the wise ass collections of crappy posts we call AMERICA. (Or perhaps that's just the Wild Turkey talking.) We'll do our part to fight terrorists stateside.

I was told Drewpy was to post on Monday...apparently that's "sometime next week" in Drewpy time. I know you guys have some catching up to do. Speaking of a new links page, there's a, um, new...links...page. Sorry kids, the porn-laden Stile Project went bye-bye (as if you couldn't find it on your own), as did the late great Timmy Big Hands, which suddenly and abruptly shut down, ostensibly for "certain reasons." If anybody knows where a spare-time-ridden ESTABLISHMENT proprietor might find the old TBH content, give us a holler.