Since I first mentioned tony 6 years ago he has been a burden I have been compelled to bear. Normal interesting discussions of politics, the stock market, the weather, or steamed artichokes have often ended when someone casually says "Hey tell them about Tony." The story of Tony has been told so much that one could probably make a career out of telling it. It is in the spirit of retelling the story, and so that I NEVER have to do it again and can just direct people here, that this page is being written. But where to begin?

Tony is a crucified salmon and he lives on the wall in my living room.
At one time Tony was a leader of men, a hero, a martyr, and above all, a frequent party-goer. His ability to turn tap water into beer and other alcoholic substances for "keggers" was celebrated. When a party slowed down he would often kill one of his "disciples," only to ressurect them 2 minutes later.
Many wondered why a salmon would choose to walk upon the water when he was perfectly capable of swimming, but few think of how difficult swimming becomes with nails through ones fins.
Tony is one of three representations of the Deity, the other two being BoB and the Holy goat. The goat, overall, leads a dull life, and fills his days showing up as a burst of fire and making people speak in languages they dont really understand. BoB on the otherhand is a very busy and important entity. He represents all that is good and pure. The antithesis of BoB is, logically, bOb, (BoB spelled backwards with the capitalization switched). This differentiation has caused some confusion through the years and has lead to the convention of pointing ones hands up while addressing BoB. Unfortunately should one accidentally doze off while pryaning and have ones hands tip downwards... well thats just not a good situation.
There is the spiel in all its unimpressive, boring, dull, rantlike, not really funny glory. Enjoy it. Love it. Read it.