Redneck Computer Lingo
  • "Hard drive" - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
  • "Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys.
  • "Window" - Place in the truck to hang your guns.
  • "Floppy" - When you run out of Polygrip.
  • "Modem" - How you got rid of your dandelions.
  • "ROM" - Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
  • "Byte" - First word in a kiss-off phrase.
  • "Reboot" - What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
  • "Network" - Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
  • "Mouse" - Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
  • "LAN" - To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yer truck."
  • "Cursor" - What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
  • "bit" - A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
  • "digital control" -- What Yer fingers do on the TV remote.
  • "packet" - What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip

How to tell if you might be a "high tech redneck"
  1. If your e-mail address ends on "@over.yonder.com"...
  2. If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Way Down Home Page"...
  3. If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop"...
  4. If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"...
  5. If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cell phone...
  6. If your baseball cap read "AOL Sucks!" instead of "CAT"...AOL sucks, indeed...
  7. If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined...
  8. If your wife said "either me or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her...
  9. If you've ever used an AOL CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on...
  10. If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy" or "Darlin"...
  11. If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or country star...
  12. If you start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy y'all!" or "Hey, Bubba!"

What would have been different if Bill Gates was a redneck.... (Guess that lotta them things would be improvements...)

  1. Their # 1 product would be My-craw-saupht Winders...
  2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle...
  3. Occasionally you'd bring up a winder that was covered with a heftybag...
  4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-right or Hell, naaaaa...
  5. Instead of Ta-da the opening sound would be Dueling banjos...
  6. The Recycle Bin in Winders'95 would be an outhouse...
  7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling Freebird!...
  8. Instead of Start Me Up the Winders'95 theme song would be Achey-Breakey Heart...
  9. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt...
  10. Microsoft's programming tools would be Vishul Bassik and Bishul C++...
  11. Winders'95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag...Long live Winders'1861...
  12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word...
  13. Instead of latte carts we'd have grits carts...
  14. New Shutdown wav: Y'all come back now, Yah hear?
  15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"...
  16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from any gas stop...
  17. Microsoft Office replaced with My-craw-saupht Henhouse...
  18. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver...
  19. Well, the first thing you know, Ole Uncle Bill's a billionaire...
  20. Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory dead cars in your front yard...
  21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator...
  22. Microsof CEO: BUBBA GATES!!!
  23. Instead of asking "Where do you want to go today?" it's more like "Hey, bubba, can I ketch a ride in the back?"
  24. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad
  25. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers
  26. Redman plug'n'play interface
  27. Screen saver would be a kudzu vine which would consume your program manager.
  28. Instructions for use would include "mash the control key."
  29. The HQ building will be a double wide on cinder blocks, because MYCRAWSAURHT is hyear to stay

OK, if you think you know more of it, well, then send them jokes to me

Back to main page

1