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So how does the story go? A man and a woman meet and fall in love. They later get married and soon have a baby.... Well not in my book.I was born on November 19, 1978, in a small town in Texas called San Benito. I am the oldest of four kids. My mother married my father when she was 16 and had me when she was 17. I wasn't a love child. She only married because she couldn't stand the conditions in which she lived with her mother. If she had only been born 20 years later, then she could have just left and lived a free life instead of having to marry satan (my father). Then maybe I would be a semi happy person and not a decrepit, lifeless entity.Of course I dont recall much of my childhood (who really can). But in short my father was an alcoholic that beat my mother.My mother told me
that I tried to run away from home several times. It all started when
I first learned how to walk. She said I would go and put some of my
diapers in a bag and try to leave home. I personally do not remeber,
just as I don't remember why I was crying in those pictures below.
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My parents got a divorce when I was about 7. After the divorce we went to spend christmas at my grandma's house. My uncle bought us some clothes, so we got all dressed up and went. After dinner grandma brought out gifts for all her grandchildren except us.I really got to know her then. She shunned us because we didn't have a dad and because my mother got divorced. She was the reason my mother had to put up with my father for so long. She turned her back on us when my mother left my father. I've never learned to forgive or forget. I just learned to hate. That's all I have for my grandmother pure raw hatred.Even now as she is no longer living but rotting away in a cold grave I can not come to forgive her. I want to say with time I will but I can hold a grudge forever. I suppose I'll let go when they put me in the ground or perhaps it will be my hell to relive my life for eternity. |
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My mother was always working, so I basically raised myself. I was responsible for my siblings so I grew up really fast. I didn't get to play as much as other kids, but at least I knew how to cook by the time I was 7.
Eventually my mother remarried when I was about 11. I didn't even know she had been dating. My siblings and I didn't spend much time with her new husband so when we went to live with him after their wedding he was a total stranger. I
I thought things were going to be different but we still didn't get to see her that often. She still worked the same long hours but now we had to compete with her husband for attention. Her husband never acted like a father to us and I grew up resenting him for it. They got divorced when I was 20 years old.
So what is my dark secret? I couldn't be this screwed up just by seeing my mom being beaten or by being around mistreating relatives. {Like the cunt of an aunt (from my father's side) that stigmatized me about being ugly. So what if I'm ugly bitch? Compared to you I am Miss America.}
This is me when it happened. This is the age I was when my life was completely violated. If only I could turn back time and say, just die now you have nothing to look forward to but pain and misery.
There are certain things that shouldn't happen to a child and those things happened to me. And the culprit? My father.
Your father is supposed to love you and protect you, not hurt you. I was only 4 or 5 years old when it all began. When the abuse starts it doesnt stop. It doesn't stop. This continued after they got a divorce. It continued during visitation until he finally disappeared from our lives. What's wrong with me? Why was it me? Why didn't anyone know? Why was I scared to tell?
Why would I reveal very personal things for everyone to see.It's been my secret for the past 20 years and I need it out of my soul. I dont want it anymore. I dont want to live with this anymore. I need to be able to feel again. I need to be able to live. And it wasn't an easy thing to say. This has taken a great part of me to write about. I'm taking a great risk by putting this here. One day my family may see this and then they'll know. I'm afraid that if they confront me about it I may kill myself.There's another reason that I wanted to put this here. I wanted to make an announcement to the rest of the world. I want his family (especially my cousins who all think he's hot shit) to know who he really is. I want to know if they feel safe knowing what he is.
This man is a pedophile.
His name is Guillermo Hernandez. He was last residing in Dalton, Georgia where he owned a bakery. He is also know to reside in the San Benito, Tx - Harlingen, Tx area from time to time where he stays with his nephew.He was married not too long ago to a young woman (my age) who's name I don't know.
He is out there somewhere. If you ever see this man you'll know him for what he is.
I want to yell and scream to the world. I am dirty. I am tainted. I will never have happiness when my world is filled with such disgust. I can't wake up and look at myself. I can't allow anyone to see me. Do they know when they see me? So I hide. I hide in my misery. I lock myself away. My home is my prison. I stop doing all the good things that I liked to do. I stopped wearing nice things, I stopped taking care of myself and I make myself a little more repulsive with each passing day so that no one can ever look at me in that way again. This was just a start for others to be let in. I can tell you of several different incidents with several different men that violated me too. But for now this is more than what I can give and maybe I will be able to free myself and just let it all out..... Perhaps.... or not........
