My cat wants to eat you. Run fool! RUN!!!
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Leo (July 23-August 22)
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Scorpio (October 23- November 21)
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
You're so good looking you don't NEED clothes. Liberate yourself from their terrible binds today.. People will thank you tommorow.
People are talking about you behind your back. They are saying awful things about you. Terrible, awful things. And what's more, all the things they are saying are true.
You are a beautiful princess, and soon everyone will know it. Everyone will love you, and beg to be your friend, or your girlfriend or your boyfriend or whatever, and they will buy you expensive gifts and always want to hug you and kiss you forever.
Do your laundry, you idiot. You smell. You smell terribly.
You won't die until tommorow, at the earliest. So don't worry.
If you wash yourself with your tongue like a cat does, you'll be nice and sticky.. it'll be cool! Try it!
To your mother's horror, you will drop out of school to work full time as a porn star in hardcore anal sex and fisting videos. But don't listen to her complains - you're having the best sex of your life, and getting paid for it!
Fear the blue thing with the shiny, shiny head. FEAR IT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER FEARED ANYTHING BEFORE.
Stop doing that. It bugs people. You know what I mean.
Sometimes your head will hurt, but that's only because you went out the night before and got really drunk and had lots and lots of fun. So the pain is worth it. This is a metaphor for your life.
Be nicer to people. Like that nice girl you've been so mean to lately. Why don't you call her up and ask her to a movie? You know you care about her, really. 