"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."
-Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)
"Human beings are the only animals of which I am throughly and cravenly afraid."
-George Bernard Shaw
"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." -Voltaire
"If your intelligence threatens others, that is their problem."
"You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers."
-J. D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye
"If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all ."
-Michelangelo
"Those who are faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithless who know love's tragedies."
-oscar wilde
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
-dorothy parker
"If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever...use a pile driver and hit the point. than hit it again, and than a third time with a harder whack......"
-Winston Churchill
"Books and ideas are the greatest weapons against intolerance and ignorance."
-Lyndon B. Johnson
"Smoking is bad for you...but so is drinking, sex, breathing, pornography, saccharine, and red meat."
"For centuries, people thought the moon was made out of green cheese. then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. well, that's what happens to cheese when you leave it out."
"I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. then, i remember it's because he sucks."
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."
"Do not think that what is hard for thee to master is impossible for man; but if a thing is possible and proper to man, deem it attainable by thee."
-Marcus Aurelius, 121 - 180 AD, Roman emperor and stoic philosopher
"Pinky, once I take over the world, remind me to politically snub you."
-The Brain
"These kids were smart, they were enthusiastic, and they were young enough so that schools hadn't destroyed all their interest in learning. They could still actually use their brains, which in Thorne's view was a sure sign they hadn't yet completed formal education."
-Michael Crichton, The Lost World
"Pain makes man think. Thought makes man wise. Wisdom makes life endurable."
-John Patrick, "The Teahouse of the August Moon" (I,i)
"I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."
-I Dreamed A Dream, Les Miserables
"Yeah, but when the Pirates of the Carribean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists."
-Jurassic Park
"When you think you're free, remember you're just who they want you to be."
"Think how utterly, evilly selfish it is to have a child. Think of it! "Oh, honey, wouldn't a baby just be splendid? With its little hands, and its little feet and its little arms and legs and face and smile. Oh, we have to have one." Great, and once it's done, here is another little human to have to grow and learn what a sick collection of animals it is into which he's been born; who has to learn the pointlessness of the asinine cycle of human life; the pain and unhappiness that accompany; the stupidity of the majority; the outrage of old age and death; the unfair circumstances of competition amongst organisms; the injustice of suffering, the absurdity of doctrines and ideologies; the cold blade of war; the inner demons of hunger, desire, self-loathing; who will be taught to hate and feel shame and fear and remorse, regret, guilt; who will one day suck from nonexistence another little conscious body to continue the hideous lineage of incessant dark-humor; and who will one day die, wrapped in a urine-stained, hospital-issued death-shroud, plugged into beeping, blipping machines, fed through dripping bags armed with needles and at the mercy of smart-ass little nurses, who know not yet that they, too, will be faced with this end. What more horrific and vile an act than that of having a child? There can be none. Torture is not worse, murder is not worse, nor rape or anything else, because it is birth that precludes them all. Were it not for birth, none of these other atrocities would have even a chance to be performed. It is the miracle of birth and life that drowns the light of the world, and it is that selfish obeyance of desire that is hung over the heads of all parents in the look of disgust on their disaffected teenager's face. How can one repay an infinite offense?"
-Shane Smith
"The aim of psychoanalysis is to relieve people of their neurotic unhappiness so that they can be normally unhappy."
-Sigmund Freud
"I'll get a life when someone demonstrates that it would be superior to what I have now."
"I gave up my innocence a long time ago, actually I pawned it."
"We seem to have a compulsion these days to bury time capsules in order to give those people living in the next century or so some idea of what we are like. I have prepared one of my own. I have placed some rather large samples of dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin. My time capsule is set to go off in the year 3000. It will show them what we are really like."
-Alfred Hitchcock
"I have heard of many going astray even in the village streets, when the darkness was so thick you could cut it with a knife, as the saying is..." -Henry David Thoreau, Walden
"Life is demented enough as it is. Why I haven't gone crazy, I don't know. But sometimes I wish I were. "
"Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill."
-Robert Anton Wilson
"Is there a God? Who knows? Is there an angry unicorn on the dark side of the moon?"
"Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the wind blows."
-Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody
"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry.'"
Gary Larson, The Far Side
"There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words."
-Dorothy Parker
"As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish, I wish he'd stay away."
-Hughes Mearns ,The Psychoed
"You're a wonderful friend and a raving psycho."
"Disneyland is the biggest people-trap ever built by a mouse."
"I was never kinder to the old man than the whole week before I killed him."
-Edgar Allen Poe, A Tell-Tale Heart
"All censorships exist to prevent any one from challenging current conceptions and existing institutions. All progress is initiated by challenging current conceptions, and executed by supplanting existing institutions. Consequently the first condition of progress is the removal of censorships."
-George Bernard Shaw
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."
-Blaise Pascal
