Why does your joy come from other's sadness and misfortunes? Well not exactly from that, you enjoy seeing people who have hurt you, hurt and fuck up their lives. You enjoy seeing it, itz like your first orgasm, a new thrill. You relish in their misery and hope they fall farther. You realize how great your life is compared to theirs, even though yours is still shit compared to most. It builds you up. Makes you feel euphoric inside and out. A glow comes over your face, a twinkle appears in your eyes. Something no one has seen for a very long time. You can't get enough of it, you wanna see them fall farther and faster until they hit bottom. You drag yourself down with them, becoming bitter and angry on the inside. It fills you, cosumes your being, you become it. You become what you laughed at, what you ridiculed, you hope that they don't laugh at you now. You lay down on the ledge, hoping someone will fall straight on your head and crush you completely, pushing you over that delicate edge, into an oblivion that no one is sure exists. But you slip down anyways. You free fall, down and down, seeing no ground in site. Just a dark bottomless pit of hate and anger. Your descent being nothing less than digusting and bitter. You've made your transformation into hate, and disgust. No longer is it something that you feel, itz something that has trapped you, cosumed you whole. Saturating ever little tiny cell and chromosome. But you wait for that light as you continue to fall to your death, wishing you would just die, instead of living through it. You wait... and wait... and wait. You don't see it coming. There is nothing around you but streaks of fire engine red, and a blacker black than you have ever seen. Still no light. Still no hope. Crushing your faith into tiny pieces. The fall with you, surrounding you, taunting you of the faith that you once had. Flying into your eyes, blinding you from the seeping light. You can feel it on your arms and face, but you can't see it. You don't know where it is, and the rate at which you fall becomes greater, the friction makes a strange howling noise, that penetrates into your brain. Yet you feel that light coming closer and closer, but yet you still can't tell which direction it is comeing from as you start your rapid descent. You reach out for it, in every way imagineable. You scream, hoping that it may hear you. Then as you feel the warmth of the light on your face... Your body comes hurdling to a complete stop. No more red, no more black, no more light. Just you in a grey world. You can feel your body in tact, and you open your eyes, the shattered faith is gone. Nothing is there but grey. And you realize you are exactly where you started, starting your descent once more.

~Lynne