The Helpful Suggestion Page


Hi!  This is the portion of my website that I like to call the Helpful 
Suggestion Page.  This is where I suggest activities to partake of in your spare 
time.
  • Punch your cat in the face. If you don't have a cat, or if your cat doesn't have a face, just masturbate instead.
  • Take a knife and just cut off your nipples, they aren't doing anyone any good anyway (This suggestion for men only).
  • Weigh your spleen.
  • When being mischeivous, marmolade makes for a nice nuisance.
  • Why not go buy some peanuts?
  • Make some mittens for turkeys because, after all, their hands get cold too
  • Take three ounces of chopped portabella mushrooms and soak them in Winston's Homemade Hogwash.
  • Pull my finger.
  • Hold the mayo.
  • Make me a sammich.
  • Do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around.
  • Put some pants on, for cryin' out loud.
  • Juggle teddy bears.
  • Pronounce the word "ashtray" as "asstray."
  • Kiss my ass.
  • See if you can't stretch an ordinary tube sock over your head. Then draw on an artificial countenance using your mommy's makeup.
  • Poop in a box and mail it to a relative.
Thank you, and be sure to tune in tomorrow for a new suggestion. 1