Life is full of little things that me off and/or suck. Here, I shall discuss some.
Suck-Ass Music
Jewel
From: Alaska
Music Type: Folksy, Dancey/Hip-Hop(more recently)
Known For: Yodeling, bad teeth, living in her car, wearing tacky 80s clothes (see picture)
Why she sucks: She plays awful "girl" music. She's supposed to be natural and folksy/down-to-earth but she's just boring. And now she's trying to change her music (and clothing) style and be more sexy and has recently started wearing tacky 80s outfits/make-up. I've predicted/hoped for years that Jewel would die in a plane crash. Many other (much better) musicians have untimely lost their lives while unfortunately Jewel remains very much alive and producing new music and (even worse) poetry.
Redeeming Qualitities? "Who Will Save Your Soul" wasn't too bad when it first came out.
Avril Lavigne
From: Canada
Music Type: Pop-rock
Known For: Too much eye make-up, Hot Topic clothing, always having her mouth open in pictures, "I'm a rock chick" attitude
Why she sucks: Everything about her! The media keeps talking about her unique style when it's just a mix of retro 80s punk and Hot Topic clothing stores in the mall. She has this snobby "I'm a rocker" attitude and her videos constantly show her skateboarding or pushing people to prove this to us. When a lot of us know she's not a rocker, she's not a punk, and she's definently not unique. Let's hope she dies a horrible horrible death and is in the same plane as Jewel.
Redeeming Qualitites? "I'm With You" is OK, but then you see the video or remember who's singing.
Suck-Ass Movies
8mm (the worst movie of all time!)
Starring: Nicholas Cage, Joaquin Phoenix, James Gandolfini Year: 1999 Plot: Finding a "snuff" film of a young girl being assualted, a widow hires a private investigator (Cage) to find out if it is real or not. Why this film sucks: The acting is wooden. Cage's wife does one of those "Why won't you open up to me?!" rants. The suspenseful scenes are dragged out and the rest are just plain dumb. It's just a truly horrible movie. Redeeming Qualities? Other than being able to make fun of it, NONE.
Nine Months
Starring: Hugh Grant, Julianne Moore, Tom Arnold, Joan Cusack, Jeff Goldbum, Robin Williams Year: 1995 Plot: A man (Grant) deals with changes when he discovers his girlfriend (Moore) is pregnant. Why this film sucks: From the beginning, Moore keeps telling Grant nothing is going to change, then (predictably) she makes him change his whole life! He gets rid of his car AND his cat! Then there's a scene when he watches an ultrasound video and finally accepts his role (and the joy) of fatherhood/life that is just super CHEESE!
Redeeming Qualities? There's a funny scene where Grant and Arnold are in a kid's store and start beating up a foul-mouthed Barney-type character. Overall not a terrible movie but definently not a good one.
