If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.
Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.
Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark - a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark.
Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues.
The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
Humans like to be sniffed. EVERYWHERE. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them as often as possible.
Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn. Always use the next door neighbor's lawn instead.
When your human goes into their bathroom make sure you run in the room with them and stare. After all, they watch you, don't they!?! Hint: Also see "The Art of Sniffing".
It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
Make a contribution to the fashion industry. ...Eat a shoe.
When your human is lying on the floor exercising, make sure to run over and stand on top of him/her to make sure everything is alright. To be especially helpful, attach yourself to an arm or leg as they try to get up. Your owner has always wanted to try lifting a 75 lb weight.
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