What does Christian mean? Answer: Little Christ.. back in Paul the Apostle's days, the word "Christian" was a term to make fun of those who followed after Christ. People called those people "Little Christ's" because that was the example that Christians chose to follow. Today, Christian, to me, is a highly abused word. Even I myself, don't seem like a Christian at times. Oh sure, I'm saved, I'm born again and forgiven, but walking that walk.. I don't always do it right. That's why I'm saved, so I can be forgiven. A just man falls 7 times but gets up 8..

Within the past year, my life has really changed in big ways. For one, I'm truly learning what it means to take up my cross daily, and follow Christ. Taking up the cross is hard man.. it means dying to the flesh. I must give my flesh to Jesus. Flesh meaning, my own personal selfish thoughts, feelings, and desires. You know, I don't always feel like a Christian, but that is what faith is about. Faith is believing in what I am in Christ, even if I can't feel it.

I've also learned how to let go. My mom died of cancer on November 18, 1998 at 10:30pm. My dad and I watched her get whisked away by the Lord. It opened my eyes and made me realize that our lives truly are but a vapor, and we need to live each day as though it were our last. Does that mean I do it? No, not really. All that I have learned, I have learned that I can't do it without the strength and might of God. Only He can accomplish these things in you and I.

What makes me tick: Obviously I love music. Not just music, Christian crazy music. *grin* My top ten fave artists are:

1. Wedding Party
2. Living Sacrifice
3. Saviour Machine
4. Payable On Death
5. Sixpence None the Richer
6. No Innocent Victim
7. Pink Daffodils
8. Project 86
9. Embodyment
10. Shania Twain ~~ *smirk*

Appearance wise, I'm about 5'3ish, dark brown and grown out black shaggy pixy hair, ivory skin, and greenish/blue eyes. I usually dress in black, purple, red, silverblue velvet. Although I'm not limited to that. I wear everything from punk clash to checkered ska stuff. I just like having fun and making people think. I'd say my personality type is of a layered nature. It depends on who is with me. Certain people bring different sides out of me. God is teaching me everyday about my personality. I can tell He is making me grow. I like depth. I like to think about a lot of things, and go far with it. I'm creative, sparatic, passionate, loving, flaky, sentimental but yet so unsentimental. I can be a tom boy compared to some, and girly compared to others. Guys I like make me insecure. I'm trying to break out of that. When I gain a friendship, I can sometimes panic in fear of losing it. Its happened a lot to me so trust is something that must be built, but you know it does not matter how long you are together. I've learned change always happens. Nothing stays the same, and yet it does. I'll stop while I'm ahead.

Hopes and dreams:

I can't wait for Heaven. I mean that with all of my heart. I really am so excited to see Jesus. So many times I have envisioned what it would be like to come face to face with my Lord, who bore my sins on the cross and rose again. Just that moment, I almost get teary eyed thinking about it. I look forward to seeing my mom again. I know it wont be the same, but I will like seeing her again.

Until then, I hope to establish a goth/death metal/classic-like celticish/meloncholy deep band. Souly in the ministry for Jesus. I would also love to write for a 'zine. I'd love to promote bands in the music scene. DJ-ing would be my cup of tea as well.

Someday I'd like to get married, and have a couple kids. That isn't in my mind frame currently though. Sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend, but God knows whats best, and I want to wait.

Things I like doing:

I like moving to Seattle. I like it so much that is what I am going to do. I'm going to go to school up there and just get on fire for the Lord. I hope to start a full fledged band for Christ so get in touch if you want to start a goth/deathmetalish Christian band. Seriously!

I love snowboarding, working out, jammin out, readin the word, bein with my buds, and getting strengthend in the Lord, especially with other people. I also enjoy this thing called, "Midnight Praise" (at 11:00pm -- hehe) which is a lot of fun and spiritually refreshing. I also just love getting to know people or just lending an open ear. So when I say what I'm about to say, I mean it. So don't for a second think that I don't.

If you want to write me, I would be delighted to hear from you. If you want a friend to listen or just talk with, I'm here. Please don't hesitate, cuz I know I have a tendency to. And many times unless I see an open door like this, I just won't try. So, TRY!! *L*

God bless you!!

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