To Boddah pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings of the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitment of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when you're backstage and the lights go out and the maniac roar of the crowd begins it doesn't affect the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love and relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is someting I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off bvy faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch clock in time before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do. God, believe me I do but it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too senstive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once has as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've once known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people to much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad, little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces Jesus man! WHy don't you just enjoy it? I don't know. I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds to much of what I used to be.
Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along, and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel for people toomuch I guess. Thank-you fro the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for all your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away. peace, love, emapthy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney I'll be at your alter
Please keep going Courtney
For Frances
For her life which will be so much happier without me.
I Love You! I Love You!
Thank-you all for stopping by and I hope you didn't cry like I did after reading the letter. :( Well, if you want to comment on ANYTHING, e-mail and I'll be happy to get back to you.
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