THE INCIDENT


blood
blood everywhere
what have I done?
there lies my mother
with my father right beside
knife protruding out his back
what have I done?
I didn't kill them
I couldn't have
could I?
could I have taken from them
what they gave to me?
life
so sorrowful
why is there all this blood?
splattered on the walls
in puddles on the floor
on my parents
on me
my hands
stained with blood
but whose?
not my parents
I won't accept it
what happened here?
why can't I fucking remember?
it's all blank
my mind
wiped clean of it all
not stained with memory
like my hands with blood

I remember
an argument
screaming
fighting
coming from the kitchen
me at the TV
watching some rerun
not really noticing the screams
the fighting
for it happened all the time
when it happens all the time
you learn to block it out
I got thirsty
the screams got louder
I got up
the arguing worsened
I walked towards the kitchen
the fighting raged on
as I reached the door
the screaming stopped
the arguing ceased
the fighting quit
and as I opened the door
...nothing
blackness
my mind is blank
till the moment where I woke up
and saw all the blood
and my parents on the floor
dead

what happened?
why can't I remember?
what the fuck is wrong with me?
I know the mind
is a very complex organ
but can it black out memories
that aren't wanted
by itself?
and if it can
can it be called upon 
to dig those memories
back up?
or is it better
not knowing

no
I need to know
what I have
or haven't done
think dammit, think
un-erase the blackboard
that is the mind
bring into the light
what is now in the shadows
it can
and will
be done

ok
as I open the door
the screams cease
I see my dad
with a crazy look 
in his eyes
and a bloody knife 
in his hand
dear god
it wasn't me that killed my mother
but
what about my father?
I see mother on the floor
pools of blood right beside
redder than the reddest red
a coppery smell hangs in the air
I look back to dad
who has drawn nearer
telling me he won't hurt me
with that crazy look
still in his eyes
and the bloody knife
still in his hands
I am mesmerized
shocked
horrified
he pleads with me
telling me he had to
that she left him
no choice
he actually starts convincing me
till I see the knife again
covered in blood
mother's blood
I remember what he just did
to mother
and I run
back out the door
in which I entered this nightmare
he gives chase
but I am quicker
out the front door
into the yard
and as I'm about to run
and keep running 
till I can't run anymore
I remember mother
what if she still lives?
I must be sure
she is really dead
so I enter the red, coppery smelling room
through the back door
I do not want to touch her
all that blood
and the smell
enough to drive one crazy
but
for mother's sake
I check
yes
she has passed away
I see her beautiful eyes
for the last time
as I close her eyelids
I start to weep
but no time for grief
for I remember my father
at the same time
he crashes through the door
he doesn't bother pleading
he just charges at me
I run again 
for the kitchen door
he doesn't look 
where he's going
he has forgotten 
about mother
he trips
on her body
the knife
plunges into him
blood
seeps from him
he gasps for air
but gets little
like a fish out of water
he slowly dies
the death he deserves
he died ten minutes later
and then 
I awoke
to the blood
everywhere

I have done nothing
yet
I have lost everything
my bastard father
and my loving
caring
beautiful mother
why?
god why?
I remembered
and now
I want 
to forget
there is no god
for if there was
this would have never happened
there is no god
I am now forever alone.


By: Ryan Stancl