End And Mend

So often, I worry too much
So often, I just don't care
I've been by myself so often
That I act like you're not even there

Half my time I spend to waste
Half my time I spend in dreams
I dream so much, that half my time
I'm gone when you're with me

Mistakes are things I don't escape
Mistakes are made by me
And every day I make mistakes,
I fear it means Strike Two or Three

I know I can forgive myself
I know you'll do the same
But once forgiving's done, I know
That I still need to change

My soul can be so hollow that
My soul can feel so sore
I'll swear an end and mend my soul
So it can forever be yours.

PUBLICATION: The Leader, March 27, 2000, SUNY College at Fredonia.

HISTORY: This is the first of two poems (the other being "Coffee") to appear in my college's once-a-semester "extra" addition (of art and poetry) to their paper.
I wrote this on Valentine's Day as an apology to my girlfriend Cindy. That morning, I had been so wrapped up in my on-line downloading activities that I was extremely late for our thrice-a-week lunch hour together. I had never seen Cindy so upset at me, and for good reason.
Later, that day, I wrote this poem as my sincere apology, as well as a recognition of my personality flaws, and how I feared they could hurt our relationship unless I did something about them.
As with most of my poems, I used a made-up structure to help me in my writing. The structure for this poem has the same one or two words opening the first two lines of each verse, but then ending the third one.
By the end of the day, Cindy and I were still together, older and wiser from what had happened. Cindy later encouraged me to submit this poem to the campus paper, in which it subsequently appeared (with typos) the following month.