I know that many of you are familiar with a pair of distinguished young people, but never before have they been enshrined and given their full due. Through hard work and dedication to the betterment of humanity, they have used their special gifts to spread cheer and joy wherever they travel. They have been etched into the popular lore and mythology of the land known as Marietta, GA, but few outside of that holy place have understood what it truly means to be....a Cohen. That's right, Joel and Sarah Cohen, the coolest twins this side of the Olsen sisters. And now you'll get to know them, in all their glory, triumph, and what can only be described as--Coheness.
The story of Joel and Sarah Cohen begins sometime around January or February 1981, when the fertilized egg that probably would have been Sarah split and formed Joel. It continued through various places before it reached its culmination at Walton High School. Though Joel and Sarah would be separated for the majority of the next four years, their time at Walton was one of remarkable achievement and prosperity, despite the decidedly depressing setting. Slowly people came to observe the anomaly that is the Cohens: more than just two successful individuals, they are a team that became greater and stronger as time passed. As more people looked to them for inspiration and guidance (myself included), they prospered and led. We will get to their individual stories in a moment, but only as a resource for understanding the unique and sometimes volatile combination that is Joel and Sarah Cohen.
Some of you may ask, why are these two individuals so special? Perhaps this analogy will suffice. Think of Sarah as Yoda, Joel as Obi Wan, and all of us as young Anakin, being trained in the ways of the Jedi, or the ways of the Cohen. Now, we all know the story, undoubtedly we will all fall short of the true example set before us. However, in the end, we will prove that there is a little Cohen in all of us, and hopefully it won't take killing Joel to prove it. The Cohen is the ideal we all aspire to, and may reach in part, but since we are not of true Cohen blood, we are destined to be less than perfect.
Sarah Cohen
Sarah Rose is the elder, and some would say, wiser of the pair. However, let us not think of them as being in competition with eachother, for it is as a unit that they achieve greatness. Currently she is enrolled at Tufts University up in the great state of Massachusetts. Apparently the people there cannot comprehend the Cohen mythology that exists elsewhere. Sarah is striking out to begin her own Cohen franchise up in the Northeast, an area which has experienced a bit of the Cohen legend in the past.
Joel
Cohen
Lately
Joel has been having a sextravaganza with a young lady named Mary Jane,
as you can see in the picture above. However, Joel will hopefully
have the strength and charisma to overcome her stifling charms. She
has led many other astray, broken them, and left them virtually unable
to build a sentence without some mindless catch phrase. Anyway,
Joel is currently a student at Emory, which has spawned more unhappy doctors
than any other fine institution in this country. Knowing Joel's gift
for finding entertainment in the most mindless of ventures, we are all
quite sure that he will spread his Cohen charms far and wide.
While this page can certainly not do justice to either of the Cohens, and certainly not to them as a brilliant pair, it is at least the beginning of the mass exportation of the greatness that is Joel and Sarah Cohen. Now people around the world can at least get a mere glimpse of everything that they have to offer us as human beings. I encourage you all to develop contact with these special young people. You owe it to yourself.