It was the moment Chris had dreamed of for the last four months. He was lying on his bed, the sheet crisp beneath his back. The lights were off and there was a head lying on his chest. He was running his hand through the dark brown, wavy hair and twirling the locks between and around his fingers.

It was perfection and perfection couldn’t last.

"Chris?" Danielle asked as she looked up at him. Her eyes were wide in the darkness.

"Yeah?" He leaned down to kiss the spot where her widows peak came to a subtle point.

"Where is this going?" Dani disentangled herself from Chris’s arm and sat up on the bed.

Chris’s arm felt empty and the place on his chest where her head had rested felt cold. "What do you mean where is this going?"

He could hear the sound of Dani swallowing in the dark. The dark always enhanced his hearing.

"Chris, you know I love you, right?"

Chris nodded and sat up leaning against the headboard of the bed. "I know."

"We’ve been going out for two years," Dani said.

Chris knew that. He could remember to the hour the first time he’d asked her out. "What do you mean Dani?"

He could see her turn her head towards the window and he instinctively knew that she’d closed her eyes.

"You don’t want more, do you? You just want to stay where we are, right?"

Chris didn’t know what to say. He began to sense where she was going with this conversation. He phrased his thoughts carefully.

"I’m very happy where we are right now Dan."

There was more. Chris knew there was more. Something had brought this on.

"I got a job offer Chris. It’s a very good job."

Chris reached over and gave her a hug instinctively. "That’s great Dan." She didn’t return the hug.

Again, there was more.

"Chris, it’s in California."

Chris pulled away. That was what brought this on.

"Are you going to take it?" His voice had a dead quality to it.

"Yes, I think so." Dani paused. "I want to be with you Chris."

"You still can be," Chris said. "It’ll just be more long distance."

Dani shook her head. "I don’t think I can be with you. I want to get married, I want to have kids. I don’t want to be ‘the girlfriend’ anymore. We both know you aren’t ready to commit to that."

"We talked about this Dan…" Chris trailed off. He knew it was the wrong thing to say.

"Yes, we’ve talked about it!" Dani said. "I know you want to wait until ‘N SYNC has run its course. But how much longer is that going to be, huh?"

Chris was silent. He didn’t know. It would go on forever if he had his way.

"Is it going to be six months? A year? Three years? How long Chris?" Dani took a deep breath. "I’m almost thirty. Pretty soon its going to be too late for me to have the family I want."

Chris reached out to touch her hand comfortingly. He knew what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to tell her it was forever, ask her to marry him, tell her not to go to California.

"I love you Dan," he said quietly. It was all he could say.

"And I love you," Dani said. "I don’t think I can wait any longer for you to figure out if this is forever." She stopped talking and looked down at her hands.

Chris couldn’t say it. He loved her. He’d committed two years of his life to her and anyone who knew him knew that that was nearly a lifetime. But he couldn’t tell her something that he wasn’t sure of.

"You know I can’t promise forever," Chris said. He paused. "Is this it?"

"I can’t wait any longer," Dani said. She got off the bed and walked to the door. "Goodbye Chris."

The door shut before he could say the word. "Goodbye."
 

Chris lay on his bed. It seemed empty. He hadn’t slept in it alone for a year and a half. Of course, he supposed the past night hadn’t really counted since he hadn’t slept at all.

He stared at the ceiling above him. It had grown light as the night had turned to dawn had turned to day. It was day and he was supposed to be somewhere. Where he didn’t know, when he didn’t care.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Dani was supposed to be beside him, gently shaking him awake. She was supposed to be there to laugh at his stupid jokes and tell him that he was funny when he knew he wasn’t. Hell, she was just supposed to be there.

They’d talked about it for crying out loud. They’d talked about his lack of desire for a family or for marriage. Sure he knew that at least the family would happen some day, but marriage. That was forever, or it should be forever. He wanted it to be forever. For him it was going to be forever.

He loved Dani. God, he loved Dani. And she’d said that she understood. That she’d wait. Thirty wasn’t old. It was just a new decade and a new lease on life. Definitely not too old to have kids. She’d said she understood.

His eyes focused on the crack in the ceiling. He’d painted over it several times, but somehow the crack always beat the paint and managed to make itself known again. He’d just paint it again.

Somehow he had a feeling that this crack in his life wasn’t going to be easy to paint over.
 

"What did you expect girl?" a voice came over the phone. "You gave him an ultimatum."

"He was supposed to say something," Dani said. She wiped her eye again. "You know, ask me not to leave or something."

"He loves you," the voice said. "He knew he couldn’t act on what you wanted so he let you go."

"That wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen," Dani said. "I wasn’t supposed to break up with him, just get him to say yes, after ‘N SYNC we’ll get married or settle down or something."

"Then go tell him you made a mistake," the voice said. "It’s not to late."

"I can’t do that," Dani said. "I want to get married. I want to have kids."

"Then move on," the voice said. "You’re going to California. You’ll be able to start over."

Dani nodded. "Yeah." Her voice was unsure. "I guess you’re right."
 

"That’s it," Chris said as he loaded the last box into Dani’s U-Haul. He stood by the back of the truck awkwardly as she closed the doors.

"Thanks Chris," Dani said. She rubbed her hands on her jeans. "I really appreciate the help."

"Not a problem," Chris said. "Had to give you a last dose of me, live and in person, you know?"

She nodded. They both knew he hadn’t been his normal happy-go-lucky self. He hadn’t been for the last month.

She felt the tears come to her eyes and immediately pulled him into a hug. He gripped her tightly. Neither of them wanted to let go.

To let go would be to say goodbye.

"I’ve got to go Chris," Dani said finally.

He reluctantly pulled away. There were tears glistening in the corners of his eyes. "Good luck and call me when you get there, okay?"

Dani nodded. "Good luck on your next tour. I’ll try to catch the show."

Chris shrugged. "Not like you haven’t seen enough of them." He paused and looked at his feet. "I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted."

Dani nodded. She looked at the front of the truck and back at Chris. "I’ve got to go," she said again.

Chris took a step away from the truck and looked on as she got into the drivers seat. He waved as she buckled her seat belt and started the engine.

And then she was gone.
 

"Chris, it’s been two months," Joey slurred as he stumbled into ‘their’ booth at the club. "Move on."

Chris merely stirred his drink. That’s where he’d been looking all night. He hadn’t even glanced at the females dressed in tight pants and backless shirts.

"There is some fine ass here tonight man," Joey said trying again. "If nothing else you can stop thinking about her for a few minutes."

Chris continued stirring the drink. Joey gave up and left the booth.

Chris felt someone slide into the booth. It wasn’t a weight on the cushion that he recognized. He looked over at the girl who was grinning at him and back down at the drink. He felt a hand on his thigh and it triggered a knot in his chest.

"Why so glum?" she asked.

Chris shrugged. He felt her leaning in towards him. Her breath brushed his ear.

"I bet I could cheer you up," she whispered. She squeezed his leg gently, suggestively.

Chris shook his head. He didn’t want to be cheered up. He wanted to be… loved.
 

Lance opened the door to the hotel room and looked confused as Chris stepped in.

"You want to know why she left?" Chris asked.

Lance sat down on the bed. Chris hadn’t told any of them why he and Dani had broken up. Just that they had.

"She wanted me to say we were forever." Chris began to pace the room. "She wants to get married and have kids. She’s always wanted that. I’ve known that she has. She said she couldn’t wait any longer. But I think she would have if I’d told her we were forever."

"You love her right?" Lance said.

"But I don’t want to get married and I’m too young to have kids. I’m still a kid."

"But you do love her," Lance said again.

"God yes," Chris answered. "It’s like every day I’m not with her I love her more."

"Can you imagine your life without her?" Lance asked.

"I am without her," Chris said. "I have been for two months."

"No, I mean without her. She will get married. She will have kids. Can you imagine doing that with anyone else?"

Chris shook his head. "I wanted us to stay like we were. We were happy. But she wanted more. Stuff she knew I couldn’t commit to."

"Could you ever commit to that though Chris?"

Chris nodded. "I’m beginning to think I could. I mean, maybe there is more to this whole commitment thing than I thought."

"Can you imagine committing to anyone but her?" Lance asked. He watched as Chris stopped pacing.

Chris shook his head. "I don’t want to commit to anyone else," he said quietly.
 

"I just want him back," Dani said into the phone. "I don’t care about the ring or the vows. I want him back."

"Then tell him that," the voice said over the phone. "Don’t tell me."

"I can’t do that though," Dani said. "He’s moving on. He sounds happier."

"He still talks to you every night at ten," the voice said. "He’s sure as hell not going out."

"But he sounds like he needs me less," Dani said. "And I feel like I need him more."

"Well you love him," the voice said. "You said you don’t care about the ring or the vows. How about the kids? You’ve always wanted kids Dan. Ever since I met you."

"He’s a kid," Dani said. "He’s the only kid I want right at the moment."
 

"We’re going to be in San Francisco on Friday," Chris said into the phone. "Could we maybe meet for dinner?"

"Yeah," Dani said on the other end. "I’d like that. I could cook. You could see my new place."

Chris smiled. "I’d like that. I’ve always been a sucker for your cooking. You know that. Will you make…"

"French Toast?" Dani asked with a smile in her voice. "Of course I’ll make French toast."

"Good," Chris said.
 

Chris knocked on the door of the apartment nervously. He’d brought a potted plant. He’d wanted to bring flowers, but this wasn’t a date. And a plant could double as a house warming gift.

The door opened and Chris smiled at the girl in the doorway. For a moment it was just like old times. It felt normal, like they were back in Orlando and the last three months hadn’t even happened.

He realized he was staring.

"I brought you this." He shoved the potted plant at Dani. "House-warming gift."

Dani nodded and stepped into the apartment. He entered and closed the door behind him. He looked around the room. It was light and airy. Like her apartment had always been.

"This is really nice," he said.

"Thanks," she said. "It’s almost home."

Chris nodded. "Home’s not home without you right down the street," he said.

Dani was silent. A sad look crossed her face, but she forced it away. Three months was a long time.

"Sorry," Chris said. "We don’t need to talk about that."

"Are you ready for dinner?" Dani asked.

Chris nodded. He followed her to the kitchen table. It was covered with a red checked tablecloth and there were two candles. Two plates of French toast sat on the table.

"It smells as good as always," Chris said.

"Thanks." Dani tried to smile. This had been a bad idea. They should have gone out. She never should have agreed to dinner. It was too awkward.

They ate in silence, Chris’s leg bouncing against the table. He chewed harshly. When the toast was half gone he put his fork and knife down. His hands fell to his lap and he began twisting his napkin.

"Dan?" he asked.

She looked up from her plate.

"What if I’d said that I thought we were forever that night?"

"You didn’t though," Dani answered. She looked back down at her plate. She cut another piece off of the toast, but didn’t pick it up with her fork.

"What if I were to say now that I don’t want to give up on us."

Dani was silent. Her utensils sat motionless in her hand.

Chris continued. "What if I were to ask you to marry me?"

"You don’t want to even think about marriage until after ‘N SYNC," Dani said looking up. "You’ve said it a hundred times."

"But you want marriage and a family," Chris said. "And I want you."

"I was wrong to ask you to do that," Dani said. She looked down again. "I knew what your response would be…"

"It’s not fair to ask you to wait…" Chris said. "I know it’s been three months, but I love you Dan. If you take me back I’ll do whatever you want to make you happy."

Dani felt the tears come to her eyes. She’d gotten Chris Kirkpatrick to commit.

"I just want to go back to the way we were," Dani said. "We could take it from there."

Chris smiled for the first time in months. "But I want to marry you."

Dani shook her head. "No you don’t. You just want to make sure I’ll take you back."

"Well maybe," Chris said. "But eventually I do want to marry you."

"We’ll see," Dani said.