Dances-with-Chickens'
Fun & Interesting Ways to
Piss Your Neighbours Off


Neighbours. Who the hell needs them. Generally speaking, they tend to be particularly annoying bastard arseheads that you find yourself reluctantly saying "howyeh" to when going to the pub, and dribbling "fug off ya fuggin bazzad" at on the way home. For the most part, we cannot choose our neighbours, BUT, we can choose to alienate, humiliate, intimidate and torment the people whose sole aim is to drag you down to their level of sad arseholery. Fuck them. No more. This is where we look into various methods of:
Breaking your Neighbours spirit...
a list of novel, humourous but, most of all, gratifying methods of getting one up on the wankers of this world. Remember - Crap is the key..

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  1. Pour a can of tuna into the ventilation inlet of their cars and let time and decay take their toll.
  2. Crap on their doorstep.
  3. Shoot at their pets and/or children with a high velocity slingshot.
  4. Crap on their car windscreen.
  5. Subscribe to hardcore anal porn using their name and address.
  6. Crap on their lawn.
  7. Order readymix concreteand/or tar macadam to their house.
  8. Crap on their driveway.
  9. Order giant pizza and/or chinese food to their house.
  10. Crap in their window boxes and/or plant pots.
  11. Tell their children Santa Claus is dead on Christmas Eve.
  12. Crap on their milk delivery.
  13. Put their house up for sale when they're on holidays.
  14. Crap on their pets and/or children.
  15. Write "SPUNK HOSE" on their lawn with weedkiller.
  16. Write "CRAP" on their lawn with crap.
  17. Shave their pets and/or children.
  18. Crap down their chimney.
  19. Stick their business cards to toilet walls in queer pubs.
  20. Crap in their garden shed.
  21. Dig up all their shrubs and replant them in your own garden.
  22. Send them a crap in a shoebox by mail.
  23. Stuff up their cars' exhaust pipes.
  24. Splatter the laundry on their clothesline with crap.
  25. Aim a powerful halogen lamp at their house.
  26. Aim some crap at their house.
  27. Steal their newspaper delivery.
  28. Crap on their newspaper delivery.
  29. Invite everybody in the pub to a party at their house.
  30. Phone them at five in the morning and shout "CRAP" into the phone before hanging up.
  31. Phone the speaking clock & leave it off the hook for three weeks when they're on holidays.
  32. Leave a crap under each of their pillows when they're on holidays.
  33. Push decaying dead rodents through their letterbox, daily.
  34. Crap in their childrens' paddling pool.
  35. Sit in a rocking chair on your front lawn, in the early afternoon, in your boxer shorts, drinking whiskey from the bottle and playing a banjo and/or polishing a shotgun.
  36. Syringe some crap through their letterbox.
  37. Give their children cigarettes.
  38. Give their children crap.
  39. Give their children and/or pets whiskey.
  40. Smear crap on their windows.
  41. Put their pets and/or children in the freezer.
  42. Give their children slush puppies made from crap.
  43. Tell their children that their parents are dead.
  44. Tell their children they've just eaten crap.
  45. Invite George Best, Oliver Reed, Ozzy and Shane McGowan to your house for a drinking party.
  46. Leave a crap in the driver's seat of their car by way of apology for the disturbance.
  47. Send them the web address of this crap website.

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Questions or comments:

Dances with Chickens -
or Ludwig Smith -

chicken_dancer@hotmail.com
heinz69@hotmail.com

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