cats are simply furry slugs.

Bonifangth: Our clock is basically a sign that says now

People think "what time is it" and they see a clock that just says Now.

[so they will say] "Ohhh, it's now. That's good, I thought it was later"

I've been doing some research and by
my estimates 1 preposterous millenia equals about
.845 nanoseconds but 6 preposterous millenia comes
out to about 3.4 billion years. Do you generally
agree or disagrre with these numbers?

...a cross between a boomerang
and a hand grenade. It's uses in battle are limitless

This universe isn't big enough for the both of us

"speak softly and carry a large shaft"

and no one carries a larger shaft than I

I will beat the game with a stick

-Bonifangith's method

STRICKLY
PROHIBITED!!!...UNDER 18 DELETE
NOW!!!***

they should have thought of that before they sent
it. What's "Strickly" mean?

Thonibongith: It's like they're angry if the
person who gets this is under 18. You're the one
who sent it to me fucker

-Bonifangith's (aka Thonibongith's) response to a Porn ad.

My cat wears the pants in the family

Once I come up with the ability
to send physical objects through the phone line
you will recieve my cat

I like to waste my time

Bonifangth: try some cock sauce

 for that rooster problem of yours

i am president of peta and i have cat goes meow meow boom

A chickenmonkey is nibbling my foot

I have peed in your pants

chunks of esbestos wrapped in candy wrappers
 

...coal, raw meat, and fire
 Always hand out plenty of fire
 

jars of syphillis, the gift that keeps on giving the whole year through
 
 

Bonifangth: I always wanted to put raw meat in their bags
I should get a bunch of roasts to hand out
And then pour soy sauce in there
and milk

Bonifangth: and then you have a whole meal instead of candy
 
 

 plastic candy that looks just like real candy
 
 
 

 I say motor oil should be at the top of the list

and you can also hand out fire
the good thing about fire is you only
need to hand out a little and then it spreads to a lot
 

I'll also hand out coal, and when the
kids complain I'll say "But coal is the wave of the future!"
Plus coal is healthy to eat
 

Hmmm... wet plaster might be a
good thing to hand out too
 

I'd also like to hand out big chunks of lead
 

my door is masturbating as we speak

My furry slug ate a bug, sat
on a rug and shrugged

every full moon my cat turns into a hairy beast
with sharp teeth and claws.

The only thing that disappoints me is
 that we never got any hate mail

Becker031: how do we cross breed a cow and a tomato?

Bonifangth: I'm still busy working on cross
between a cd and analogue tape
 only this way can we record on cds
 
 
 

Bonifangth: analogue tape is the wave of the
future with it's unlimited space and
unlimited loading time

Bonifangth: I want to work on a gaming
console that uses coal and analogue tape cartridges

Bonifangth: first you put the coal in ths
system and wait for it to heat up
Bonifangth: then use the lead paddle to insert the tape

Bonifangth: or maybe we can use reels to
put the tape on rather than cartridges, you
know, like those old movie players

Bonifangth: we store the games on tape
which the customer puts on a reel that
attaches to the system

Bonifangth: for cpu power we use a gerbil on a wheel

Bonifangth: I want to make sunblock that
magnifies the power of the sun

Bonifangth: Many times I worry about
whether I'm getting enough UV rays

Becker031: is it still sunblock then?

Bonifangth: it's more like sun-on

Becker031: sunintensifier

Bonifangth: For those who feel they're not
getting there share of harmful radiation

Becker031: I never get enough of it

Bonifangth: UV rays are healthy
Bonifangth: I'm not sure if I'm getting enough

Bonifangth: I should've changed my name to
Craioux, which is Bonifangith in French

Bonifangth: the gas was colorless causing
me to believe it was oxygen but I can't be sure

Bonifangth: it could have been perplexium
conundrifite in its gaseous form

Becker031: exactly as I was about to say

Bonifangth: although I think perplexium
conundrifite is more solid in it's gaseous state

Bonifangth: and a little wet

Becker031: it exists in all 6 phases in all
temperatures and pressures

Bonifangth: I think we should look into gas on a stick

Bonifangth: storm windows are made of
windows found in areas ravaged by storms

I'm from Stanistanistan

I usually catch beef with a net

Bonifangth: I used to hate it when I had to write a
report for school and it would spontaneously combust

Bonifangth: the paper would catch on fire right as
I was about to hand it in

Bonifangth: my head once caught on fire because
I was thinking too hard

Science takes on a new meaning when I use it

 my calculations woukdn't make sense otherwise

 I shall imprison you in a cardboard box

from which there will be no escape

 soon everything will run on coal
because it's the most efficient energy source there is
 and it leaves clouds of soot
 which is beneficial to your health

 at least that's what my scientific research shows
although it can cause gas and oily discharge

 maybe not in that order

Mars is full of monsters
 my scientific research proves this
 
 
 

Bonifangth: BTW I think I may have come up
with a source of limitless coal
 
 

 Everyone knows that Santa Claus (if
he exists, which my scientific research seems to
indicate) gives coal to bad kids every year. Well
there are a lot of bad kids and he's been doing this
for many years, his coal supply must be vast and endless!

we need to tap this somehow

~we must destroy this santa claus, and send our armies to the north pole!!!~

 there we will take his coal

 and shut down his whole operation

...

 once we have our supply of endless
coal there will be nothing we can't accomplish

...

 we will hand out bog and grobfrash to all the children

 I will personally fill their stockings with disappointment

 ~which all children will be wanting this year~

 I can hire a highly trained sniper to take him out
 

but it's easy to make a reindeer fly,
according to my research all you need is a pen, 3
cotton balls and a laser pointer

Bonifangth: keep in mind my research is in no
way based on science

 I had a dream last night that I went to the
new high school. Then after I left it turned into an old
rotting house and fell into the ocean

Bonifangth: To look at Becker is to stare straight into the mouth of madness
 

-this is still arguable though

Bonifangth: and I declare that the moon is bigger than the
sun because it looks bigger

Becker031: that's been known for some time already

Bonifangth: is that so?

 Well my scientific research finally proves it

Bonifangth: I looked at it and looked bigger
 that was my research

Becker031: yes

Bonifangth: therefore the earth is flat cause it looks that way

MY LEGS
WILL NOT
STAND FOR
THIS
INJUSTICE SO I
WILL SIT
 
 
 

Becker031: what a coincidence, I return from
taking a shit and I find a message from
bonifangith awaiting
Bonifangth: ha ha ha
Bonifangth: These events are too closely linked
to be mere coincidence

-the standard way a conversation over instant messenger might start

When somebody says something you
can't quite make out retort, "What? Cut medicare?" or
perhaps, "No, the Pope isn't Jewish, he's Catholic."
 

Bonifangth: Becker, did you know a flying mouse
lives in my brain?

-no, I did not know this.  I still don't think I do.

It's written Turalyon
but it's pronounced Bonifangith

-clearing up a small misunderstanding in WarCraft II

Damn, I'm dissapointed. I was
hoping society would crumble
-response to the presence of January 1, 2000

Becker031: we don't need any more stupid planets in this solar system

Bonifangth: because they are nothing but a waste of space

Becker031: so we might as well destroy them

Bonifangth: valuable empty space

Becker031: yes

Becker031: too much space is being consumed by matter

Bonifangth: after that the sun, the biggest space-waster of all
in this solar system anyway
 did you know that the sun makes
up 99% of the matter in our solar system and the
other 1 percent is divided up amongst the rest?
That is outrageous and unacceptable!

-A conversation over instant messanger on the hierarchy of necessity
needless to say, progress was made that day.

Bonifangth: nik kop mig do pok
Bonifangth: I have no clue what I just typed

-upon the testing of our state-of-the-art equipment

GRAVITY SMELLS LIKE A BIG
OLD STINKY FART!! NO MATTER HOW
HARD
YOU TRY TO GET AWAY FROM IT IT
FOLLOWS AND KEEPS HOLDING YOU
DOWN.
 

Bonifangth: We should write "Click here for the
Australian Version of our page"
it would be the same page only upside down
because as everyone knows everything is
upside down in Australia

-an idea is born

damn netscape and it's illegal operations

Eat it, Becker. Eat it.
 

-I don't think I ate it

there's an animal lying next to me right now,
what should I do?
should I run screaming and pray for my soul?

they should not be allowed to breathe the
same air is normal people

Becker:[the mobile machine] is powered by Perplexium hydrate
which can only be mined from the core of the sun
Bonifangth: a refined form of perplexium conundrifite, I
presume
Becker: though sometimes you find traces of it in your
underwear drawer
Becker: which I still can't explain
Bonifangth: well, we're far from understanding everything

-An important executive conference over instant messanger

some things remain a mystery, like why does the
sun disappear every day only to reappear several hours
later?

Becker031: I ate a crot
Bonifangth: in a lot?
:
Becker031: no, from a pot
Bonifangth: that you bought?
Becker031: I bought it from bot

that word did not come
out of my mouth, but out of my asse

Becker031: what the fuck is the secret of mana?

Bonifangth: I don't know that's why it's a secret

Becker031: what the fuck is the secret?

Bonifangth:It's a secret

Becker031: then why buy it?

Bonifangth: Titles don;t mean anything that's why

Becker031: I think the secret is that
the disk cartridge is blank

Becker031: I now have three thousand testicles

Bonifangth: you must have really big pants

Becker031: i rule the planet from within my floating pile of garbage

Bonifangth: well from the Earth I rule your floating pile of garbage

Becker031: our page absorbs souls
Becker031: and intelligence
Bonifangth: and turns it all into stupidty

Fixing the invisible machine has proved
problematic. Though a quick method is just by
stepping on it.