YUM! Looks almost edible in this light (almost being the
key word)
Chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added.
Salt (for binding, flavour, and firmness)
Water (to help in mixing)
Sugar (for flavour)
Sodium Nitrite (for colour and as a preservative)
Kind of odd, they forgot to mention the hog anus.
Oh well, with that note let us begin.
From: mwcarson Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited
No required tests, classes, books, or interviews.
Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD)
No one is turned down.
Confidentiality assured.
CALL NOW to receive your diploma
1 - 7 1 3 - 8 6 6 - 6 5 9 7
Call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including
Ha ha! I laugh in your
face, all you College students working hard for your diplomas! Why
go through all that trouble when you can just order one and recieve it
within days? My favorite part of this whole thing is when it says
that you'll earn the admiration of all. Sure, everyone will be so
envious of you and your "prestigous" diploma that you ordered over
the phone. What kind of job are you going to get with one of these
things anyway? Finally, a way to a college diploma without all those
pesky tests and books and classes and crap.
Subject: Vampire Activity in Translyvania?
GIRLS DISAPPEAR UNDER MYSTERIOUS
TRANSYLVANIA (IT) - Two attractive young women
Does this news article frighten you?
WE INVITE YOU TO COME TO TRANSYLVANIA.
The expedition will spend several days exploring
the
During your ordeal, you will visit the authentic
You will stay in comfortable, carefully selected
You will be eagerly serviced by fair maidens and
While relaxing, you will spend quiet romantic
From the moment you step off the plane, there
will be
This theme tour is for men and women, young and
This tour is fully guaranteed and organized by
a
Space is limited so the courageous must apply
Call 1-713-866-4056.
We await your call seven days a week, 24 hours
a day,
Did you notice that the e-mail
address and phone numbers listed here is almost the same as the e-mail
about unviersity diplomas? Christ, people will do anything to sell
their worthless products. All in all this is the worst attempt I've
ever seen for someone to get me to buy something. I can just imagine
the phone call:
Lucky You!
Wow!
I must be extremely lucky since this is the fifth time I've gotten this
e-mail! Lucky me, huh? Five vacations to Florida, all right!
I like the "Vacation you deserve" bit. That's an awfully big assumption
on their part. What if I'm a total bastard?
From: With CYBER DETECTIVE You Can Have
Locate People - Find Almost Anyone
Lots of information, extensive contact sources
Tap Into Investigative Sources
How and where to investigate, perform or locate:
Search And Make Use Of Various Government Resources
Extensive public record sources and Government resources
Visit Numerous Internet Information Sources
- Send anonymous email
*Uncover Your OWN Family History!
How would you like to Discover The Most Exciting Software To Hit
If you answered yes, click on the link below.
How extremely useful, I've
always wanted to visit anarchist sites, and I'm almost positive that my
phone has indeed been tapped. Now before I buy into any of this please
explain to me why this is any of my business? And why exaclty do
I need to know what sites people are visiting on the internet? I
already know that 9/10 of the internet's populace is busy searching for
pornography, why do I need your spy software to confirm that for me?
From: Is Your Weight Keeping You
Having the Energy to
If it is, We've Got Good News for You...
* Picture yourself losing 15, 30, 75 pounds or
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* Don't Just Lose Weight -
Call Toll FREE 1-800-273-0221
And below, Becker's masterfully crafted response
to all of this (keep in mind that Becker is already a rather slim fellow)
You bastards! Are you trying to kill
me!???!!! Indeed Becker, I sense some
kind of conspiracy. What kind of world are we living in after all
when people are trying to kill you and sell me phoney diplomas at the same
time?
From: 6 MILLION HOT E-MAIL ADDRESSES ON CD
We have taken all the E-mail addresses that is being sold
The hot clean lists of 6 million internet buyers on CD
Bulk e-mails is the most cost effective form of advertising
Just think. If you have a $10 product and only 1% of these
***INTERNATIONAL ORDERS ADD $10.00 FOR SHIPPING.***
Please note that these e-mails are seperated by domains.
Use these e-mail addresses to sell your product ($79.00) or
Add $3.50 for shipping for U.S and Canadian addresses.
*************************************************************
TWO WAYS TO ORDER !!!
CHECKS: Please make your check payable to:
****check orders will be delivered in 10 days to allow
*****CHOOSE PAYMENT METHOD********
CREDIT CARD ( ) CHECK ( )attach check
TYPE OF CARD AMX / VISA / MC _______________
CREDIT CARD #________________________________
EXPIRATION DATE ___________________________
NAME ON CREDIT CARD________________________
$79.00 for E-mail addresses only.Or $139 For rights to resell CD.
All shipping are by priority mail 2-3 day delivery.
YOUR NAME:______________________________________
ENTER AMOUNT TO CHARGE ___________
BILLING ADDRESS ____________________________
CITY_________________________________________
STATE________________ZIP_____________________
________________________________________________
SHIPPING ADDRESS(if different from above)
ADDRESS_______________________________________
CITY_________________________________________
STATE________________ZIP_____________________
________________________________________________
PHONE INCLUDE AREA CODE___________________
EMAIL ADDRESS______________________________
YOUR SIGNATURE_______________________________
CD WILL BE SHIPPED OUT TO THE ABOVE ADDRESS WITHIN 24 HRS FOR
Ooooohhhhh yeah, hot, sexy,
CLEAN addresses. The real subject should've been "How to Become the
Most Hated Man in America, that's the only way I could think about someone
who'd send six million spam messages. This is kind of an interesting
twist, it's a spam message trying to sell you the idea of spamming.
BTW, do you really think every spammer out there makes a "cool million"?
Subject: Fwd: Internet Detective Software....
Find Anyone/Anything!
From: <spyclues@fastmail.ca>
Subject: Internet Detective Software.... Find Anyone/Anything!
FIND OUT ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE USING THE NET!!
CyberSpy Detective 1717 S Brentwood STL
MO 63144
Get it here:
http://www.year2000doctor.com/cyberdetective/
Because information is
power!
- Find college roommates, old girlfriends/boyfriends
Get it here:
http://www.year2000doctor.com/cyberdetective/
Due to the sensitive nature of our product, our
site address changes daily. Please call for a free recorded message of
the new site location if the above site is down:
1-314-963-1671
http://www.year2000doctor.com/cyberdetective/
To stop future emails, remove yourself here:
http://www.year2000doctor.com/remove
Maybe it's me but this all sounds kind of illegal
(anyone's bank account info?). "Because information is power"
Whatr kind of bullshit is that? I personally like the "due to the
sensitive nature of this product, our site address changes daily".
Yeah, probably if it didn't Uncle Sam would be knocking on their door.
I should write these guys back. I see lots of stupidity on the net
but idiocy of this level pisses me off.
"A processed pig is white trash meat,
Subject: REAL UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS
Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power,
and the admiration of all.
universities based on your present knowledge
and life experience.
diplomas available in the field of your choice.
within days!!!
Sundays and holidays.
Pay close attention to this one:
CIRCUMSTANCES
have disappeared while vacationing in the
Transylvanian Mountains. Their garments have been
found stained with partially digested blood and bat
and human saliva. This and similar occurrences are
causing international concern. Detective Iulia
Popescu of the Transylvanian Police has concluded
that the missing people are now slaves to the
infamous Count Dracula.
(How brilliant these police must be.
Is this always the first conclusion they always come to when a crime has
been committed? "Yes, Chief, there has been a break-in and 57 Pine
Street, my first guess would be that Count Dracula would be our prime suspect."
Sorry to interrupt, but I love that line")
(No.)
on an inexpensive, complete travel package
that includes roundtrip airfare, ground transportation,
hotels, food, tips, sightseeing, guides, entertainment,
horrifying surprises - everything.
Transylvanian Mountains, home to the bloodsucking
Master of Midnight.
haunts of the Count himself including his private
castle. You will also have a terrifying
stay in a
region that was controlled in the 15th century
by
the Count's father, Vlad Dracul.
(Dumbasses, at least make your spam belivable,
Vlad Dracul was known as Dracula, he wasn't "the Count's father" or whatever.)
hotels feasting on lusty local cuisine and sipping
the full-bodied, blood red wines of the region.
(Can food be described as "lusty"?)
handsome lads naive in the ways of the world
and
fascinated by foreigners.
(Sorry, words fail me at a moment like
this. It's too funny!)
evenings by candlelight with a companion, serenaded
by gypsy violinists. Or, if you prefer,
you will be
swept away by the frenzied dancing of costumed
locals. Casinos are also available for
the more
daring.
lots of fun and nasty surprises. They will
delight
and frighten you - but you will be safe.
old alike. Only the weak, cowardly, and
impotent will
flee from this unique opportunity.
(Impotent? Some Viagra will clear
that right up.)
licensed international travel bureau. Entertainment
and effects performed on location by professional
theatrical troupes.
(Of course they can't tell us exaclty which
travel bureau thayt is. I wonder why?)
immediately.
including Sundays and holidays.
"Hello, I'm interested in taking your Transylvanian
tour."
"Oh, I'm sorry sir. That package has been
cancelled. Hey, would you be interested in purchasing a real university
diploma?"
From:
Subject: Lucky You!
For a limited time only you can register for
a vacation getaway to FLORIDA. This vacation package is now offered
directly to the public. Cut out the middle man and get the vacation
you deserve at travel agent rates! Note everyone who registers will
qualify for this vacation package, only those who meet certain requirements
will get the chance to enjoy this vacation of a lifetime. International
travelers welcomed. Register today to see if you qualify. If
qualified you will be contacted by a customer service representative with
all the details. There is no obligation
for registering, so what have you got to lose? Don't sit around wondering
if you qualify!
Maybe it's just me but something doesn't seem very, well, legal about
this.
Subject:You'll be amazed at what you can find out
Information Is Power!
All The Power You Could Ever Want!
and tools that will allow you to:
- Find people who have relocated
- Find people who have changed their name or address
- Locate resources for adoption related searches
- Determine which locate source to use and how
- Have the government locate deadbeat parents
- Locate people using public records available to anyone
- Locate military buddies
- Find addresses using just a phone number
- Create a map showing directions to a person's house
- How to follow the paper trail almost everyone leaves
- Use the same tips & tricks that investigator's use when all else
fails
- Use the post office to determine the address behind a PO Box
- Credit information
- Driver's records
- Lawsuit information, civil and criminal
- Employment screening
- Criminal records
- Asset identification
- Your own FBI file
- Bounty hunter resources
- Investigative information
- Secrets of someone's past
- Find tax liens, property records, vehicle ownership
and many other public records
- Business records
- Where to listen in on the police radios (scanner)
- Check on doctors, lawyers or other professionals. Determine
their track records.
- State by state information and listings to Government provided
public records
- Searchable Government databases and useful Government publications
- CIA, FBI and secret service information
- Information on obtaining documents under the FOIA
- Legal databases
- Court documents
Know everything there is to know about the Internet
underground and how you can protect yourself
- Visit illegal drug archives
- Track anyone's newsgroup postings
- Surf anonymously on the net
- Learn how to protect privacy at home and on the net
- Check the Internet's better business bureau
- Visit illegal software piracy sites
- Visit anarchist sites
- Search criminal databases
- Visit virus distribution and prevention sites
- Search the underground bookstores & gather underground information
- Find unusual products and spy related gadgets
*Find Birth, Death & SOCIAL SECURITY Records!
*Find UNLISTED Phone Numbers!
*Investigate Your Own CREDIT REPORTS!
*Track Someone's Internet Activity To See EVERY Site They Visit!
*Uncover Exciting Job Opportunities World Wide!
*Get Your Own FBI file and see what BIG BROTHER knows about YOU!
*Send Anonymous E-Mail So You Can't Be Traced!
*Are Your Phones Tapped? - Here's How To Find Out!
*Make Sure That New Employee Has Nothing to HIDE!
The Internet Since It Began? If the answer is yes, send an email
to the address below to request more info on how to purchase:
Here's the one that Becker keeps getting over and
over again for some reason.
Subject: We'll PAY You....
(Sounds good, I'm in.)
From Living the Life
You Want to Live?
Enjoy Your Family
Having Self-Esteem & Pride in Your Body
Feeling and Being Attractive to Others
We Pay You to Lose Weight (Really...We Do!)
* No Drugs
* No Exercise Required
* Doctor Approved
* 100% Guaranteed
Eat Regular Meals, and Still Lose
Weight
Get Healthy and Have All the Energy
You Want
To quote Becker: "This goes on the list of
stupid things people think they can sell."
That more or less sums it up.
Subject: Fwd: 6 Million Addresses for $79.00
and free software to send bulk e-mail.
All for Just $79.00
on the internet. We have filtered them thru all the remove
lists. We have taken off all the undeliverables and added
all to our own clean database to come up with the best e-mail
addresses on the internet.
arranged in the order of Domains for easy delivery.
to date. That is why you receive them every day.
people buy your product, you will make a cool $1 million.
All for a simple investment of $79.00 + $3.50 for Shipping.
Or make money reselling them for just $139.00 + $3.50 for
shipping.
We will also include in your package where to download
free software to do your mailing - FREE
Hotmail, excite, yahoo,att worldnet, geocities, Aol etc..
make copies and resell the entire CD for just $139.00.
Other countries add $10.00 for shipping
*************************************************************
Please Print out the following form, fill out and FAX to us at:
972-702-0451 ----24 HRS A DAY
CREDIT CARDS:
WE ACCEPT AMERICAN EXPRESS<> VISA <> MasterCard
simply fill out the following form with your credit card info and
FAX To: STANDARD BIZ SERVICES AT:
972-702-0451 **********FAX 24 HRS A DAY
**credit card orders will be sent out in 24 hours.
STANDARD BIZ SERVICES and fax with filled out form to:
972-702-0451 ******FAX 24 HRS A DAY
Check orders are only for USA customers.
for Bank clearance
********************************************************
****Please add $3.50 for Domestic and Canada shipping.*******
***INTERNATIONAL ORDERS ADD $10.00 FOR SHIPPING.***
CREDIT CARD ORDERS AND 10 DAYS FOR CHECK ORDERS.
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2000 12:40:18
708-401-0369 findanyone122@safe-mail.net
- Create a map with directions right to a person's
door
- Get anyone's bank account information
- Credit reports
- Driver's records
Well, that's all for now. I'm certain Becker
will have more for you later. If you learned anything from this,
I hope it is that the people who send these things are soulless, heartless
bastards whose stupidity is surpassed only by the people who believe this
crap.
Some people call it Spam"
Scott Weiland, 12 Bar Blues
I, Christopher M. Hill, solemnly swear that I will never have sex with
the Hormel people.
Go Back!