Acute Keithaholics Syndrome and Its Psychological Effects -
A Clinical Study of Keith Addiction, the Deviant Manifestation Thereof and Effects Upon Acute Cerebral Cortex Dysfunction
(dummyspeak: "Two Incoherently Babbling Idiots and the Stupid Shit that Buckcherry on the Brain Can Do to Fuck Up Your Ability to Accomplish Anything Whatsoever")

It was a simple task: Yours Truly Goes to her e-mail box, composes a basic little e-mail with two harmless documents attached, and sends it to my Drained and Exhaustedly Waiting cohort Michelle. Nothing more. "A cake walk", we laughed arrogantly.

BUT! Throw this crap into the blender and mix irresponsibly: a combined total of 3-4 hours sleep within previous 48 hour timeframe, 2 packs of cigarettes consuming valuable oxygen supply to brain, loss of all manual dexterity skills, two already bickering best friends, and KEITH, YOGI, & BUCKCHERRY. (Note to self: Call the patent lawyers, I do believe we've discovered the recipe for GOOFBALL!!! hahaha)

The hilarious and completely disasterous mess which resulted is recounted word-for-moronic-word below. ...Please don't call the loony bin paddywagon on us now, fellow Keithaholics...we were TIRED and had long since LOST ALL ABILITY TO FUNCTION COHERENTLY..all maturity and rational thought process as well. All grammar and punctuation rules were thrown to the wind, flagarant and excessive use of expletives was abundant, and every last scrap of lady-like and proper feminine behavior had left the building far earlier into our Buckcherry/Keith-itis Misadventures.

I'm sure World War III will immediately erupt when Michelle sees I have indiscreetly plastered our giggly, harmless, libido-driven Buckcherry conversation experience from last night up here for Our Esteemed Leader, Lord Yogi, et al, and the rest of the free world to see. WHOOPS! MY BAD!!!!!!! You pushed The Ron Jeremy Button and my hands were tied dude...("Hedgehog trauma"! I should sue the hairy little bastard for murder of libido in the first degree!! GAWD. just ICK. I'm sorry, Keith...you and I must part ways here momentarily...HAHA)*winks at Michelle* I luv u michelle don't kill me... Hey, it IS Keithaholics Anonymous, I'm sick and I need help. You do too...we're not fooling ANYone, come on now...*pats you on head* Hey Michelle, we can change the Christopher Walken/cowbell thing, thus creating the Buckcherry Bitches catchphrase..."Guess WHAT?!? I gotta FEVA'! And the only prescription.....is more BUCKCHERRY!")

Abbreviation Lesson:

LOL - laugh out loud
LMFAO-laugh my fucking ass off
OMG-oh my (f**king) god
J/K - just kidding

Fetisha1113: oh you ARE still awake lol
KeithNelsonRox: hey...FINALLY finished!
Fetisha1113: yay!
KeithNelsonRox: took me fucking forEVER but it was personal by then..i was NOT going to bed until it was finished.
Fetisha1113: lmao
KeithNelsonRox: i'm e-mailing it to you as we speak..hang on
Fetisha1113: well i really appreciate it marla
KeithNelsonRox: i know...i just feel like the worst piece of crap friend ever for how crappy i made you feel when you left tonight...*sigh*
KeithNelsonRox: eeyore, there you are! lol
Fetisha1113: you cant push me away
Fetisha1113: ask my friend melissa
Fetisha1113: im sorta here to stay
Fetisha1113: but you have to stop that
Fetisha1113: no excuses
KeithNelsonRox: self-abuse?
Fetisha1113: hrm
KeithNelsonRox: i'm in a bit of a self-loathing state of mind right now...in case you didn't notice! lmfao
Fetisha1113: lol no how i could i have missed it?
KeithNelsonRox: so you picked up on that too? lmao
KeithNelsonRox: see! *head droops, sighing heavily*
Fetisha1113: um yeaaa
Fetisha1113: a little off the topic
Fetisha1113: but um, you know what we NEED to do at the next BC
Fetisha1113: ???
KeithNelsonRox: sorry...change topic! *brightens* WHAT?!?
Fetisha1113: ok hello, shut UPPPPPPPPPPPPp
Fetisha1113: LOOK AT MEEEEEE
Fetisha1113: lol
Fetisha1113: we need to bring a camera for DURING the show
KeithNelsonRox:i'm digressing again....
Fetisha1113: OH and SR71 are coming, wanna go?
KeithNelsonRox: yeah, but lynnea and i tried that at the last show and she almost got it confiscated for her stupidity!
Fetisha1113: hrm
Fetisha1113: damn security
KeithNelsonRox: who's SR71? sounds like some techno-goth-industrial-trance-alterna thingamajiggy...lmfao cynically....hahahhah
KeithNelsonRox: never heard of '
KeithNelsonRox: them
Fetisha1113: no no no
KeithNelsonRox: what kind of music? and how the heck can i afford a ticket at this moment in time, with all my money going bye-bye shit?!? i already spend impulsively as it is!lmfao
Fetisha1113: havent you ever heard that song "right now"
Fetisha1113: "she may not be miss right but she'll do right now"
Fetisha1113: im trying to get tix
KeithNelsonRox: HAAAAAY! They STOLE THAT FROM MEEE! but mine is "fuck mister right, i'll settle for mister RIGHT NOW"!!!!! humm! lol lol lol
Fetisha1113: whatever... lol
KeithNelsonRox: i've never heard that song...do they play it on the radio, or....???
KeithNelsonRox: LOL LOL LOL
KeithNelsonRox: j/k
Fetisha1113: yes all the damn time
Fetisha1113: ill play it for you next time im there
Fetisha1113: im sure youll recognize it the moment you hear it
KeithNelsonRox: i'm starting to sound like a psychotically bitter version of little richard, he thinks everyone in the fucking world stole everything from him, he was the INNOVATOR and the ORIGINATOR of EveryFuckingThing, to hear him tell it...hahahahahahaha
Fetisha1113: lololol
KeithNelsonRox: *big cheesy grin, slaps on da party hat*
KeithNelsonRox: HAPPY HAPPY NOW! honest.
KeithNelsonRox: tired..but not all pissy at the moment.
Fetisha1113: lol whatEVAH
Fetisha1113: lmao
KeithNelsonRox: listening to get back....that's how i feel rite now...
KeithNelsonRox: WHAT...EVVVVAHHHH
Fetisha1113: oh god
Fetisha1113: thats me and yogis song...
KeithNelsonRox: *flips hand out, palm up*
Fetisha1113: *regressing*
KeithNelsonRox: YES!!! so i'm not alone in my feeling that song
KeithNelsonRox: totally
Fetisha1113: well um see
KeithNelsonRox: man!
Fetisha1113: we sang the last line of that song to each other at the last show...
Fetisha1113: *sigh*
KeithNelsonRox: aaaaawwwwwww....*remembers roseland*
KeithNelsonRox: that show was the best fucking show of my entire life, dude. BEST EVER.
Fetisha1113: *remembers yogi looking right at me, singing to me 'im in love with you' and me singing it right back to him... and remembering the immense pain i suffered immediately after from my friends and the crowd grabbing me screaming 'did YOU SEE THAT???!?!?'"
Fetisha1113: um no i missed it, what happened?
Fetisha1113: DURRRR
KeithNelsonRox: I will never, ever forget one single solitary moment of the whole entire experience...except my one regret is that that show seemed to just fucking FLY by at light speed...it FELT like they were performing for like 3 songs.....i was like oh gawd, that's almost the entire CD, folks...the end coming now godDAMN it NOOO...not long enough! haha
Fetisha1113: lol
Fetisha1113: they did the whole cd, fastback, anything, and late nites
KeithNelsonRox: now they've got TWOOOO CDs worth of repetoire (sp), PLUS the other tracks too!! hehehehehe
Fetisha1113: yup
Fetisha1113: get back was the 2nd to last song too
Fetisha1113: so then it wasnt long until i had yogi in my face kissing my cheek and calling me sweetie
KeithNelsonRox: yeah...but it was STILL tooo short it seemed....each song they did made me almost more sad because it was like okay, that's one more song gone, it's over as we speak...
Fetisha1113: heh
Fetisha1113: i couldnt wait for it to be over so i could get my ass backstage!
KeithNelsonRox: i was like months of anticipation and sleepless excitement is all going to be over with at this time tomorrow.....I HATE THAT.
Fetisha1113: lol
KeithNelsonRox: i'm such a stimulation junkie...i'm always like okay, now what? life stinks again, THAT mission was accomplished and now it's on to the next hand wringing anticipated ANYTHING....it's like can i not be freakin' satisfied with anything for 2 seconds?? MUST.HAVE.MORE.STIMULATION.MORE.
Fetisha1113: lol
Fetisha1113: my stimulation comes from the high of being able to walk down those stairs and say Im With The Band, Excuse Me
KeithNelsonRox: "Waiter, can I have some SALT to go with these wounds?" HA! :-(
KeithNelsonRox: does that make ANY sense at all? it's like i see life as one endless wait for the next WHATEVER....doesn't matter WHAT, it's like i have to have SOMEthing to push towards...and then immediate anti-climax in the instant it's over. what IS that? greed? self-indulgence junkie? LMAO
Fetisha1113: lol
KeithNelsonRox: come on, abnormal psych wizard...help me here
Fetisha1113: overactive stimulation drive
Fetisha1113: ?
KeithNelsonRox: am i nuts? do you get what i'm driving at (no pun intended, LOL) here?
KeithNelsonRox: yeah, what u said...or something.
Fetisha1113: yea
KeithNelsonRox: keith is making me behave like this crazy, one-track-minded, hormonally imbalanced she-bitch from HELL dude! i'm sorry, but i blame him! he's like a fucking ITCH on my brain that i can't scratch! and i like it, gawd help me! *'n sync syndrome* "What's my age again?"lmmfao *must be tired*
Fetisha1113: lol oooooook
Fetisha1113: um can i just have those papers now?
KeithNelsonRox: isn't that like one of the cardinal sins? what is it..."covetousness"...."impure thoughts*
KeithNelsonRox: "lust"
Fetisha1113: lol
KeithNelsonRox: "being an eeyore assmunch"....laughs freakin' ASS off at that
KeithNelsonRox: *snort*
Fetisha1113: yes yes
KeithNelsonRox: :-D
KeithNelsonRox: How Keith Nelson Consumed My Life, My Sanity, My Friendships and My Sleep Cycle...an essay by Marla Forde...what do you think? I COULD do it you know..put it up on my page....humorously but factually....whaddaya think dude? LOL I hope he realizes how much all of this is complete admiration and tribute in his honor...i'm no psychofan, well i am but it's in complete fun and respect for keith...*blinks innocently*
Fetisha1113: lolol
KeithNelsonRox: like, "signs that buckcherry is taking over your life"...
Fetisha1113: .....waiting for the email...... getting very tired LMAO
KeithNelsonRox: oh, FUCK me! gawd i'm sorry...hang on! *slaps own face*
Fetisha1113: David Lettermans Top Ten Signs Youre Acting Too Much Like Michelle and Marla
KeithNelsonRox: 1) Keeps friends up till buttcrack of dawn while yammering on incessantly about buckcherry BULLshit that's been hashed over eons of times...lmfao
Fetisha1113: lol
Fetisha1113: 2) screams at everything they see the same people (bc) they see everytime they watch that SAME video
Fetisha1113: 3) has to smoke a cigarette after watching buckcherry
KeithNelsonRox: lmmfao
KeithNelsonRox: goes into raving diatribes about insanely implausible and harmlessly fantasized concocted scenarios involving band members that create alternate mental versions of actual reality...or something..fuck i don't know i lost my train of thought there...*runs after it, doesn't make it*
Fetisha1113: pagan_girl_2000 is keithaholics yes?
KeithNelsonRox: yep yep...
KeithNelsonRox: *WELL!! is indignant*
Fetisha1113: we should call our sites sisters
Fetisha1113: lol
KeithNelsonRox:Yeah we got the bickering part down, so...lol
KeithNelsonRox: you have to ask the site address still?? THANKS LOL Have I met you before?
Fetisha1113: listen to the movement, the sister site of Keithaholics
Fetisha1113: i wanted to double check
Fetisha1113: im pretty tired here and i can barely remember my own name
KeithNelsonRox: yeah, we could...hey...how bout keithaholics, the sister site of...
KeithNelsonRox: it's coming hang on...
KeithNelsonRox: wait, no it's just breathing hard...premature e-mail ejaculation! laffin
KeithNelsonRox: ah FUCK! what did i do? shit hang ON i'm wasting more time
Fetisha1113: lol
Fetisha1113: good lord you get yourself off track easier than i do
KeithNelsonRox: goddamn thing reset itself...fuck fuck
KeithNelsonRox: no i'm just a clicking mouse dummy....fingers arent' too good right now...tired
KeithNelsonRox: fuck man now it's not loading the page...oh dammit
KeithNelsonRox: hang on...
Fetisha1113: *getting toothpicks to prop eyeballs open*
KeithNelsonRox: i know, i 'm sorry...me too...
KeithNelsonRox: its not liking my trying to click on compose now...it s not opening...
KeithNelsonRox: ah FUTHERMUCKER
Fetisha1113: rrrmmmmmmmmmmmm
KeithNelsonRox: okay fuck lit up mail..yahoo coming up
Fetisha1113: k....
KeithNelsonRox: okay THIS is working
Fetisha1113: thats good
KeithNelsonRox: attaching first thing
KeithNelsonRox: now 2nd
KeithNelsonRox: home stretch baby...we can do this
KeithNelsonRox: sending...sending....WE HAVE LIFTOFF!
KeithNelsonRox: omiGOD she CAN use her brain when pressured
Fetisha1113: huh? oh yea... ok
Fetisha1113: rawk dude, my BC page is COMPLETELY updated
Fetisha1113: pics are up
Fetisha1113: tourdates are current
KeithNelsonRox: it's sent, have fun...i'm going to go pass out on my face..
Fetisha1113: links are current
Fetisha1113: ok
KeithNelsonRox: shut UP...you suck beotch
Fetisha1113: *still waiting... lol*
KeithNelsonRox: go do mine now dude! lol
Fetisha1113: lol fuck off asswipe LOL
KeithNelsonRox: it's SENNNNNT...give it a nanosecond or two! lol
KeithNelsonRox: hehehehehehehewheheheheheheheh
Fetisha1113: lol
Fetisha1113: well im gonna SLEEP IN TOMORRWO
Fetisha1113: BWA HA HA HA HA HA
Fetisha1113: thankg god
KeithNelsonRox: Hmmm..."Edit, View Source, Select All, Copy, Paste, Steal!" lmfao evilly
Fetisha1113: im pooped
Fetisha1113: oh no no no
KeithNelsonRox: Naahh., i've NEVER EVER done that with ONE single page i've done. NEVER...
Fetisha1113: you dont EVEN wanna get that kind of NASTY with me
KeithNelsonRox: bahahahahahaha...i'd never do that to ANYone ding-dong! sheesh! *pushes your buttons*
Fetisha1113: i will fuck your shit up and turn your keith site into a ron jeremy worship page
Fetisha1113: bi-otch
KeithNelsonRox: i'm tired, i'm snappy again...i'm going to bed..
Fetisha1113: lol
KeithNelsonRox: DUDE.THEM'
KeithNelsonRox: S (cont.)
Fetisha1113: what?
Fetisha1113: that was incoherent
KeithNelsonRox: FIGHTIN WORDS NOW...don't say anything you might regret now...lmfao j/k
KeithNelsonRox: I know..fingers dying now...must shut down
Fetisha1113: you dont have my password but i have yours heheheh
KeithNelsonRox: cognitive and motor skills SHOT
Fetisha1113: yes no shit
KeithNelsonRox: heyyyy now.....don't GO THERE SISTA
KeithNelsonRox: fuck u ASSmuch..munch...or something.
KeithNelsonRox: fuck io dont know
KeithNelsonRox: i can't even spell now
Fetisha1113 signed off at 12:51:34 AM.
Fetisha1113 signed on at 12:55:09 AM.
Fetisha1113: good fucking god i hate aol sometimes
Fetisha1113: and i STILL dont have your email yet
Fetisha1113: sighhh
KeithNelsonRox: whhhat? i SENT it michelle...look again
Fetisha1113: ok i have aol
KeithNelsonRox: there yet?
KeithNelsonRox: is EXHAUSTED
KeithNelsonRox: LOL
Fetisha1113: if it doesnt have any YELLOW letter poking out of the mailbox
aint nuthing there
Fetisha1113: and im not?
Fetisha1113: lol
KeithNelsonRox: yeah....
KeithNelsonRox: :-(
Fetisha1113: :-(
KeithNelsonRox: omiGOD i'm gonna attempt e-mail #2 ....
Fetisha1113: major frown time
Fetisha1113: i wanna sleeeeeeeeep
KeithNelsonRox: meeee toooo
KeithNelsonRox: torment
Fetisha1113: rrrrrrrrrmm
KeithNelsonRox: almost there
Fetisha1113: *contacts drying out*
KeithNelsonRox: LMFAO
KeithNelsonRox: my eyes are gonna bleed in about 2 seconds myself...
KeithNelsonRox: squeak when i blink
KeithNelsonRox: seeing 2 of everything
Fetisha1113: meee-ooooooohhhhhhh
KeithNelsonRox: attachement 2 uploading...
Fetisha1113: *cant stop yawning*
Fetisha1113: *yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*
KeithNelsonRox: oh god nooooooooooo it won't attach>>>>>
Fetisha1113: wait
KeithNelsonRox: i'm gonna pass out sitting here
Fetisha1113: i just got mail
KeithNelsonRox: noooooo
Fetisha1113: lemme see if its yours
KeithNelsonRox: oh PRAISE JESUS AMEN LORD
KeithNelsonRox: cries out in relief
KeithNelsonRox: post traumatic stress disorder victim now
Fetisha1113: ummm its just an email, no attachment
KeithNelsonRox: noooooooooooooo god whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Fetisha1113: thats what im saying
KeithNelsonRox: one more time before i kick my computer across room
Fetisha1113: one more time before I say fuck it and go to bed
Fetisha1113: lol
KeithNelsonRox: almost done
Fetisha1113: jb's bass is up to 561.00!
KeithNelsonRox: okay if it didn't send with the attachments THIS time, evil forces are aligning against me and i'm saying bite me i'm going to bed now...lol
Fetisha1113: and the reserve STILL hasnt been met
KeithNelsonRox: COOL
KeithNelsonRox: that's FUCKING CHEAP dude
Fetisha1113: but it hasnt met the RESERVE
KeithNelsonRox: for what it is...and WHOSE it is...to me anyway
KeithNelsonRox: which means???
KeithNelsonRox: refresh me...
Fetisha1113: if they dont meet the reserve, the seller doesnt have to give it to them
Fetisha1113:
Bidders know there's a reserve price, but they do not know what it is.
In order to win the auction, a bidder must meet or exceed the reserve price and have the highest bid.
If no bidders meet the reserve price, neither the seller nor the high bidder are under any further obligation.
KeithNelsonRox: get a load of the subject line of the e-mail you'd BETTER BE getting as we speak..go look NOWWWW
KeithNelsonRox: pllllleeeeez
KeithNelsonRox: god help me i'm so fucking tired...cant' even type words almost
Fetisha1113: nothing yet
KeithNelsonRox: shubbbblaaaaahhhallluuuhhh
KeithNelsonRox: sayeth jim carey
KeithNelsonRox: or something similar
KeithNelsonRox: *head lolls now*
KeithNelsonRox: i'm becoming goofy now from lack of sleep
KeithNelsonRox: i'm getting the giggles by myself here...bad sign
KeithNelsonRox: there yet? if i get fired cuz i'm an incoherent moron tomorrow...LOL LOL
Fetisha1113: nothing yet
KeithNelsonRox: like i care...well i do but...michellllllllllllle
Fetisha1113: 5 more min
KeithNelsonRox: laffin in people's faces inappropriately or some junk
Fetisha1113: if its not here by then, we both say FUCK OFF
Fetisha1113: and try again tomorrow while youre at work
Fetisha1113: be sure to bring the disk of that shit with you
KeithNelsonRox: okay...it SENT from MY end....you really CAN'T fuck that shit up, not even ME for fuck's sake...it's "eeyore assmunch - proof" giggles maniacally
KeithNelsonRox: i will...
Fetisha1113: k
KeithNelsonRox: oh, i will...i'm tired of the whole thing now
KeithNelsonRox: haha
Fetisha1113: me too
fucking christ
Fetisha1113: oh i think i just got it
KeithNelsonRox: jesus on a jumped-up sidecar said stephen king...laffs
KeithNelsonRox: OH PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ GOD LET IT BE SO
Fetisha1113: BA BAM
Fetisha1113: i got it
KeithNelsonRox: THANK FUCKING GOD. GOODNIGHT...HAVE FUN.
Fetisha1113: let me read it real quick and we're off to bed YO
KeithNelsonRox: OH WHAT THE FUCK! NOW I CAN STILL ATTEMPT TO HOLD EYES OPEN...YOU GONNA WAKE ME UP in the AM when i can't wake up? LOL
Fetisha1113: ok its good
but um how i am i supposed to SIGN IT
Fetisha1113: you left room for a signature and i cant SIGN IT
Fetisha1113: and my signature is the same ALL over that app
KeithNelsonRox: HAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA....i KNOW!! i thought of that earlier!!!
Fetisha1113: unless you forge perfectly.....
Fetisha1113: ummmm hello?
KeithNelsonRox: I can forge good...eyes kan spell reel gud too
Fetisha1113: dear god dont do that
KeithNelsonRox: let me triey to hulp yew
Fetisha1113: stop it now
KeithNelsonRox: LOL trust mi i kan
KeithNelsonRox: LOL
Fetisha1113: ok im leaving you now
KeithNelsonRox: i dunno michelle. i can't even think
KeithNelsonRox: oka
KeithNelsonRox: y
KeithNelsonRox: bye
KeithNelsonRox: nite
KeithNelsonRox: kite
KeithNelsonRox: whatever
KeithNelsonRox: lol
Fetisha1113: fuck off lol
Fetisha1113: night
KeithNelsonRox: laffin
KeithNelsonRox: nite
Fetisha1113: night night night night night
Fetisha1113 signed off at 1:15:49 AM.