Harry, The Uncurly Pube

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away from light (but very near a penis), there lived a gentle little pubic hair named, curiously, Harry. Now, Harry was a fine young fellow, all full of spunk (examine the word choice here) and vigor. He was a fine young pube indeed, and his father was one of the most revered and admired pubes in all the land. You see, his father had this unique curl to him that, at that particular point and time, was extremely in style among all the pubes. His mother also was admired, but she was admired for her utter darkness and extremely unique placement in the Pubic Region. It seems she had been given a home so exquisite that all the pubes in the land longed to live near her. Yet, this was a sparsely populated area on the choad, and very few had the stamina to live there.

Anyway, on with the story. One day, when Harry was a young lad just starting to sprout, his father came to him with some sad news. Just last night, in the middle of a huge storm, his mother had been licked away by the Great Choad Licker and, after struggling in her teeth for a few hours, died and was brushed away by the deadly toothbrush and toothpaste combination. It was indeed a sad time for poor Harry, but his father helped him through it, and, as he grew older, he realized that all good pubes must come to an end.

But another calamity of epic proportions befell our little pube as he continued to grow.

To his utter dismay, he had no curl! He was an uncurly pube! This was a most unfortunate development for the little guy, and his dad was extremely distressed about his predicament. Yet, he had a remedy.

"Son," he said, "have I got a little story for you. You are not the only pube ever to be uncurly. Long ago, and far away there was a pube that had much the same situation. This pube was also a most unfortunate pube, but he was also an extremely resilient pube. Seeing his predicament, he sought out the king of all pubes, who lives high atop the penis. It was a long and tedious voyage filled with many ups and downs, but alas, he arrived. When he got there, the king told him of a special night, when the penis becomes rigid and erect and crawls into a hole. He said that on this night, all pubes who are uncurly, upon entering that tuna smelling, maggot infested hole, could be curled due to the magnificent stench of the place. So, that pube, taking that holy advice, went on a trek to find the horrible stench, and came back a curly pube."

So, Harry decided it was time for him to decide if he wanted to be ridiculed for his entire life, or enter into adult-hood a full fledged curly pube. He, with a hint of regret, chose the latter. So, he waited and waited, hoping for the day when the penis would get erect. He waited for years, until finally the penis grew hard. Upon this discovery, he drew all the courage he could afford and started his sojourn up the erect penis.

After hours of long and tedious work, working around bulging veins and the like, Harry found himself at the very pinnacle of the penis. Much to his dismay, there was no stench to be smelled. Instead, he noticed a big hand slowly moving up and down the penis. Not knowing what was happening, he stood at the tip dumbfounded. He could not believe his unbelievable bad luck. There was no tuna anywhere.

At that instant, all hell broke loose. Harry, standing there looking like retard, was blown away by a huge glob of white stuff. He landed somewhere near the belly button (he could tell because there was lint all over) and was covered in the white stuff. Soon, it began to dry, and he noticed other hairs around him. But these were not pubes. No indeed. These were the huge pube-eating hairs of the north, and they soon surrounded poor hairy and devoured him like the pube he was. With that, our tale is done.

Moral: Next time you whack off, please put your pubes back in the pube patch.