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The 5 stages of drunkenness!
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
Some Beer Quotes
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar Wilde - yep!!!
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.--His reply
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - how true!! (Oh yes!!!!)
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools -Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. --Bryan Mann
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness- or as good as drink. -G.K. Chesterton
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. --Stephen Browne
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. --Mark Browne
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henry Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. --Dermot Raftrey
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we g to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven... -- Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.--David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. --Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.--Dave Barry
I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let’s just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson
I like sports especially soccer.
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